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These Aren't The Words You're Looking For

2006-01-22 - 11:15 p.m.

Last Puppet I Operated: Panda

Listening To: Talking Heads, TMBG, Dylan, Fiery Furnaces, STP

Quote:"The only college basketball I watch is the Lady Vols." - Mark, in absolute sincerity

My belly is full of chinese food, my head is full of questions and my mouth is full of noise. A typical unseasonably warm Sunday in January I suppose. Are you supposed to capitalize the "C" in chinese food?

chinese food. Chinese food. Chinese Food. I guess. I don't know. And I need to learn not to care.

Remember me? I was gone a really long time. Well, at least the longest I've ever been away in the history of Stuff & Things. Though, I suppose if you're reading this in the future, you just went from the last entry to this entry and it seems like I really haven't taken that long at all. Just a click of the mouse. Or if it's really far into the future - just a blink of your holo-eye chip. Or something.

Can you tell something is wrong with the weather? Like the Egyptian Gods are mad at us for ending Alias and The West Wing? Perhaps Isis was really getting into the whole Santos vs. Vinick story or Osiris was just starting to scratch the surface of all this Prophet Five stuff. I don't know. And I need to learn not to care.

Stuff & Things is going through some changes, to be sure. I've been busy - but that's what you expected me to say. Working two retail jobs during the last twelfth of the year can be somewhat taxing. And getting impetigo on top of that can be somewhat taxinger. And getting blackballed from family Christmas, having your pipes freeze, fighting with friends, commiserating with enemies, laughing with strangers, bonding with co-workers, breaking - remending - and breaking your heart, taking on massive group projects, did I mention the impetigo?, having 19 different Christmases, almost getting sent to detox with Jimbo after the Farmer Brothers flatlined the both of us with every liquor in New Hampshire's cabinet, tending to the virtual garden that is mySpace, severing old friendships, re-evaluating existing friendships, landing on collective grenades so to help your friends remain unscathed, shaving your face, growing your hair out, drinking in Talking Heads boxsets, braving the snow, trying to build up Nightcrawler's Experience Points, counseling Kenichi, holding Evie, scribbling things down in my little black book, taking inappropriate pictures that involve snowmobile trailers, eating peppers and onions, getting my oil changed, crossreferencing spreadsheets, wrapping igloos, torque wrenching boat trailers, heating up oatmeal, smoking out kitchens, remembering to take your antibiotics, tying your shoes, and recharging your phone can take a lot out of a guy. You know?

Are you supposed to capitalize the "F" in Family Christmas? Family Christmas? family Christmas? I don't know. But maybe I should care? No?

After all that and a healthy sprinkling of oatmeal, there were times when I began to wonder if Stuff & Things had reached it's natural conclusion. Perhaps I could let it just fade into the cyber-Sunset. But I decided not to do that. I felt like it would be throwing in the cyber-towel. Get it? If it applies to the internet, I add "cyber" to the front of it so as to up the chuckle factor. Get it? I think you do. I know you do.

But yes, like menopause, Stuff & Things will be entering into a new stage in its almost 4 year life. FOUR YEARS. Wow. I guess. The change will be pretty evident. In the meantime, do yourself a favor. Check out the concluding quotes from Quotes! Vol. 1 and then do yourself an even more flavorful favor and check out the beginnings of Quotes! Vol. 2. You'll be damned glad you did.

It's been real,

Sam Spade

A Paragraph

Don't lie to me. Any of you. It's a bad idea. For a number of reasons. It always gets back to me. It may take a while, but it does. I have too many ears to the ground for it not to trickle back. For all you know, you may be the one that tells me that you lied. You just don't even realize that you did it. And obscuring the truth is the same as lying. Because I do find shit out and I will continue to find shit out. Who am I - a big ol' fibber according to the official record - to tell others not to lie me? Well, here's a big scoop. I'm actually not half the liar that I cultivate the image to appear that I am. And most of my friends? Much bigger liars than me. The big difference? I'm just better at it. And until you people can fine tune your lying a little bit more so as to totally fool me - I'd suggest you just don't try. I also suggest people don't try to get me to elaborate on the "A Paragraph" section of Stuff & Things - which is soon to be a regular feature. Because no elaboration would/will be forthcoming.

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