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My Heart Is Leaking Motor Oil

2004-03-14 - 11:20 p.m.

Been Watching: The Office, Alias, Chappelle's Show, Oz

Listening To: Tom Petty, STP, Al Green

Quote: "I was just writing in my . . . gumprope." - Al-Y

You know, it's true what they say - when your heart is leaking motor oil it's hell on the carpets.

Things move on. Creep on. Like so much sulfur scented kudzu. I can't breathe. Despite Drew Barrymore's constant insistence that I, "just breathe." The insullation seems to be conspiring nightly not only against me, but against the liberal minded. Mother Nature, despite her voice-overs that it's "not nice to fool with" her continues to be a tempestuous hag. I should tell my father about Mother Nature - he seems to go for tempestuous hags. My face is as hairy as a Ventonian gone to seed - well, no - nothing is that hairy I suppose.

Did I ever tell you the one about me babysitting Cameron? It was nuts. Justin had to go get his haircut, and I was planning on going to LA that day to visit Nanny anyway, so I said I’d stop in Rochester and babysit the world’s best baby (Cameron, for the record - NOT that ugly baby who lives down the street and always throws crab apples at my car when I drive by). It was a fine time. At first. Justin had told me that if he started to fuss that all I had to do was warm up his bottle on the stove and give it to him. Sounded good. What we didn’t cover was what if he started to fuss after I gave him his bottle. Oh good times. That adventures of Zach and a 4 1/2 month old. That scenario just doesn’t get old does it? Anyway, Justin finally came back and calmed Cameron by burping (who could've known?!) and calmed me by sitting me in front of a bunch of old Nintendo games he downloaded and Cameron fell asleep after even more milk and I fell asleep by the warm glow of Stinger and Monster Party. Awww . . . Ok, I didn't really fall asleep. I just drove to LA to visit Nanny. But still, the fake ending was more . . . glowy.

Good God Almighty, is this not the best picture in the world?! Cameron is the coolest baby since Spudz Mackenzie - and he wasn't even a baby! He was a dog! And Cameron is cooler than him! Oh my god, he's so cute I want to eat him! If . . . you know . . . I ate babies.

Cirillo's sister came in to work today. I had only met her a few times and it was a long time ago so I didn't recognize her until I saw her ID. I half expected her to tell everyone in the store to "bacdafuckup" with the aid of a megaphone. I was pleasantly surprised when she didn't. She informed me that "all those guys" were just up to visit recently. I kind of half laughed and said, "Oh yeah. Right." Using my implied confirmation to mask my cluelessness. It's a neat trick. Try it sometime. After she left I started thinking that it's almost as if that was a different life I had one time. I mean, outside of Fred and Coty I have no contact with any of those guys. Save the occasional and totally random appearances by Lori and run-ins with Erica. I'm not complaining mind you. There's some people from that time period I'll be happy if I never see again for the rest of my life. But there are some people that I considered genuine friends that I think in the back, or perhaps even on the side, of my head I always thought I'd remain friends with. What's that? Zach, of all people, questioning how fate can totally sweep people in and out of your life. I know - you'd think I'd be used to it. Especially in this last month of upheavals - shipping old relics off, and welcoming back new arrivals. But . . . still. It seems like I have a few photo albums of pictures that prove that all of that time really happened, but if it wasn't for me still talking to Fred & Coty I'd question if it ever even existed. [Well, that and the handful of CD's in our respective collections that have "D.M." written on them." - Fred]

Peter's wedding is coming up fast and Monique's party is coming up even faster. Not that I'd be inclined to ever let Monique's party slip my mind, but even if I did, it would only be a momentary lapse - 30 seconds at worst - seeing as Monique calls every free chance she gets to remind me that her birthday party is "just around the corner!" But you know what's even closer? David Byrne's new album ! Hooray! It's been so long since his last album came out that I was living with D-Rock when it was released. Yeah. No shit. But I got to meet DB not too long after that, so happy times, happy times. You can be sure I'll be front row and center for this upcoming tour too, being all cute and borderline stalkerish. While all the piss-ants behind me grumble (grumble) about me being too tall and how tall people shouldn't be allowed to have any fun. Please. You don't see people telling the Frates family they're not allowed to play basketball. Hmmm? What's that? You do see people doing that? Oh. My bad.

Mwah ha ha! I will eat the little Frates halflings for my supper!

Here is some good news from our friends at TVShowsOnDVD: All in June: Simpsons Season 4, Reno 911! Season 1, & Quantum Leap Season 1 (with holographic cover - oooohhh shiny!) Plus, Office Season 2 & Freaks and Geeks in April. Oh, thank God I'm made of money.

Alias tonight has finally convinced me why I fell in love with it all over again and Sopranos Season 5 opener made me so happy to have it back. Unfortunately, I can't comment on either of them or I'll have two very evil monkeys on my back to contend with. Evil monkeys that go by the name of Hayley and Curtis.

All the FRM girls are gone to warmer climates - ok, well, technically Vermont can be called a "warmer climate", but Hal-Y confuses easily so she won't know the difference. But with Al-Y and Shan-Y in Florida and Kate in the Dominican, there seems to be far less ovaries marching about and bossing me around. I never thought I'd miss a bunch of bossy ovaries. Oh man . . . I . . . I . . .promised myself I wouldn't cry. I promised myself!

And Justin's off watching Wrestlemania XX right now instead of hosting a Sopranos 5.2 party. Feel free to throw rotten vegetables at him now that you have received this information. Besides, what's the point in even watching Wrestlemania if you know Ted Dibiase, Junkyard Dog, and Rowdy Roddy aren't even gonna be there?! Hell, for all I know though, they probably WERE there tonight. Well, not Junkyard Dog. -- Side Note: One of the last cash wagers I bet on a sports event, and I clearly use that term loosely, was on Wrestlemania VII with Jill Sargent in Art Class. I feel old. So very very old.

I don't know. What else am I supposed to say? Comics came and went this week and in tribute to Hannah, we placed them gingerly under a broken épée and half a bottle of Very Fine fruit punch. Then one of the lights in the Arts & Crafts section blew. We took it as a sign. Hannah would have approved. God bless her - wherever she is.

See Hannah? Doesn't this look appetizing? Hmmmm? If . . . you know . . . you ate comics.

Ben's been gone all weekend on a ski trip with Attar - Chef Chen Kenichi and I have been living it up in our phat fly bachelor pad while he's gone. Although both of us plan to make ourself scarce when Ben finally gets home tonight, 'cause when he finds that pile of dishes on the floor he is gonna hit the damn roof. I left a note on them that said, "I'll clean them later. Love, Nate Dowd." We'll see if he falls for it . . .

Is it snowing again? God damn it.

It's been real,

Shadow

ps - Meanwhile, there's finally a new poll. But first, the results from the last poll. "Discounting The Simpsons, Best TV Show ever?" NewsRadio came in first (you bunch of kiss-asses) at 12 votes and 44%, Seinfeld second with 7 votes and 26%, and The State third with 3 votes and 11% of the vote. I'm sure Monique would like it pointed out that she was the (expected) lone vote for The Dick Van Dyke Show.

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