2004-12-20 - 11:52 a.m.

I know. Scandalous. Three quotes to start this lil' ol' entry. Which is good. Because it's going to be a short entry, so you better fill up on the bready quotes now, because we're all out of Crab Rangoon. ["Any buffet involving extra bready products is ok by me" - Coty]

I worked 5 years for this toy store and all I got was this lousy t-shirt. Wait a minute. I didn't even get a t-shirt!! Damn it. What I did get was a sub-par (to put it mildly) Christmas Bonus, which I promptly threw away. On accident. I know, I'm either taking money that's not rightfully mine, or throwing away money that is. I just can't win. But seriously, I thought our "bonuses" were direct deposit (for those of us that have direct deposit) since it was printed on the same kind of check our paychecks are printed on. Except it wasn't so much direct deposit. And I kinda crumpled it up and threw it away. And then took the trash out and threw it in the dumpster. Which then got picked up and thrown into a landfill somewhere in Gonic. I know. Truly a tragic story. ["Not as tragic as this morning's Maury, entitled: '34 Men, Which One Is the Daddy?'" - Justin] So I alerted the proper authorities through the official channels and hopefully that there "bonus" is getting reprinted.

And no, there's no word on the Hell-Beast that I almost murdered the other night. My guess she either complained and some of the fat toads who don't like me rubbed their chubby, warty hands with glee, or she didn't complain and got hit by a bus. Win/Win either way. Kate came over last week, before she left on her luxurious around the world cruise for Christmas ["Which is just a hoax. Sure I told people that I was going on a lavish cruise for Christmas, but that's so they wouldn't know the sad, sad truth: I'll be spending the holidays alone on my couch eating Funyons and watching CSI marathons. Wait a minute. That's even BETTER than a cruise!" - Kate] We got subs and decided to watch a movie we'd never seen before. Namely, Wet Hot American Summer. Which I think we actually love more every time we see it. I have no idea how many times I/we've seen that movie, but it's gotta be getting close to 50. Get out of town! No, I will not get out of town! You know it's getting obscene when we're being forced to quote 5th-tier quotes. See you in macram�!

Meanwhile, Ben continues to work on the basement, no doubt fretting about how on earth I plan on paying the rent if I'm soon to be unemployed. That's a very good question. The only answer I've come up with so far is that I'll sell my body. To science. They (science) would have a field day with me. Why does any food with color make his face hot? Why does gatorade make his eyes sting? Why does spicy food make his brain bleed? Why does metal give him leprosy? ["How about, 'Why does proximity to Secret Crush make him both more pathetic and Hayley levels of dumb?" - Shan-Y] Oh Shan-Y, not very nice. Hayley, I wouldn't stand for that! And Shan-Y, to think, after I helped you out with your arts and crafts project last night too! Speaking of work, Hayley, Aly, and Shannon and I had Christmas yesterday at work (as we are all there 24/7) and oh what a bountiful bounty I got. I got a sweet Johnny Damon World Series key chain (which is odd since I don't think I ever hinted that I wanted one), a Spider-Man 2 fleece blanket(!!), and a plush Beaker from The Muppet Show! And apparently I have some super-secret-fantabulousness getting shipped to me from Hayley but it didn't make it in time. More than likely because Hayley wrote her phone number in the zip code box. ["More like you had something coming. Mean. Friend." - Hadlee]

The serene setting of beauteous presents before the jackals that we are ripped them to shreds

Like normal people, after opening presents we turn to smashing rocks open so we can mine their precious crystals. 'Cause we sure as hell will make more money selling the crystals on the Black Market than relying on our Christmas "Bonus"

I promised I wouldn't make an "If Al-Y had a hammer" joke when I took this picture. So I won't.

Huzzah!

Shannon, many, many, many hours later with her trusted friend Hibou and remnants of the arts and crafts project "we" worked on. It was almost 11 o'clock last night when I took this picture and we were both displaying toxic levels of B.S.I. Not to mention that we'd had about 8 interactions with Weird Beard out in the hallway. Which is about 8 more than we usually do.

And then it snowed some more and then I wrapped more presents and now I have to go to work and I shouldn't complain because I should be so lucky to even have a work to go into soon enough and Hannah is back from England, yeah!, and she's coming in tonight to get all the Ex Machina, Fables, and Y that she missed and I know you're all very jealous of her for that, I know I am and oh yeah, I should probably end this enormously long run-on sentence as it will start to further confuse Frederick. ["Who is this?" - Fred] But first, Ben asked that I run his advertisement that's been running on local Rollinsford public television. Wish granted Waldi:

And yes, there's STILL water in that aquarium. They don't call him "Crazy" for nothin'!

It's been real,

Dino-bot

ps - For the record, I'm Listening To: Harry Nilsson, Ray Lamontagne, Cyndi Lauper & They Might Be Giants. Of course.

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