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Naughty Stingray Puppet Goes Cosmic Bowling

2003-03-25 - 2:56 p.m.

Mood: Distracted and Frustrated

Listening To: The Flaming Lips, Clapton, Dylan, R.E.M., Sifl & Olly

Quote: "I like to have some variety in my Lent." - Kate

"Little red wagon, little red bike - I ain't no monkey but I know what I like." I defy you to find a better written lyric than that.

I don't have much to say. War War War. Ugh. Seriously. Aren't my views on the war articulate? If you want more nuanced posturing, go to Justin's site. I was talking to Peter last night and he said, "perhaps we should rethink this whole 'helicopter' thing. Make some adjustments to the design. Something. Anything. 'Cause something's just not working out here." Peter put some of my worries about McLaughlin at ease. Slightly. Peter said that he doesn't think Tim will be in a position to be hurt or captured. Which is good. But then, as Peter also pointed out, those men chilling out in their tents the other night probably didn't think they were in any position to be hurt either. The weird thing is, Peter and I agreed that the best thing to do would be to send McLaughlin right into Saddam's inner sanctum and he'd just annoy him the fuck out of Iraq. I can see Hussein's sons now being like, "Did that American dog just ask us if we 'had ears'?" or "Saddam, you're what the French call 'les incompetent!' or after he catches the Iraqis lighting their own oil wells on fire, "Look what you did - you little jerk!" Ahhhh. I love that McLaughlin's entire comedic canon comes from the Home Alone movies. "Saddam?" "Yes, Spleen?" "You're such a DISEASE!" The odd part is, after I had the conversation with Peter about McLaughlin, I got an e-mail from TC with the same argument about how the Iraqis would have no fucking clue how to handle someone like McLaughlin. You can't train for any amount of months in Anti-McLaughlin tactics. It's impossible. Just when you think you've figured him out he'll throw you a curve ball. Peter did fear one thing though - "If Tim tries to climb any trees in Iraq we. are. so. screwed. We'll hear the screaching girlish yell from here." Again, Godspeed Spleen, Godspeed.

100th Entry right around the corner! Can you believe it?! I can't. I can't believe I've been doing this for almost a year! I've traveled more since I started this than I ever have before. I'd like to think that my New Year's Resolution, which was to bury various and sundry hatchets will lead to a more mellow series of entries than perhaps the bulk of 2002's. If anyone has any suggestions for festivities on the 100th entry please feel free to let me know via the Comment Section (and a word to Monique, no it can't be "all about you with pictures of you", and Coty, don't hold your breath, as it won't likely be a dissertation on the life and times of Hrant Shahinian, and no Fred & Justin, it won't be less than a paragraph.)

Is it July yet? I want to go back to Brooklyn for Brett's birthday party! And Peter wants Ben and I to come down to West Palm Beach (all those steaks you know). What's a popular girl to do? Speaking of Brooklyn, I just got this picture e-mailed to me from Brett. It's from my last night there when we ate at Bean (the place where you bring your own beer). The waitress took this for us so we could all be in it. I think the street light makes our faces look funny though.

Andrea let Ben and I borrow that french movie, excuse me - FREEDOM movie, Amelie. It was really good. Mad phat crazee props to Frederick for telling me about the movie ages ago. I give it three thumbs up. Ok, 2 1/2. It has subtitles but they're big and they go slow so don't worry, it's not hard. I did say that BEN and I watched it. We saw Igby Goes Down too. And while I know it's no big deal in Brooklyn I found it to be entertaining. Plus, it's got Claire Danes, and as Olly and I both know, that ain't so bad.

I am so annoyed that I have missed the last two Challenges. I missed last week's because I was in NYC and I missed last night's on purpose because Andrea was taping the one I missed and the new one so I wouldn't have to see them out of order. So of course, I haven't been able to read Melissa's entries on any of it for 2 weeks, and Tim Curtis, WHO NEVER WATCHES CHALLENGE, decides to watch it and wants to talk to me about it. ARGH. So I finally get the tape from Andrea and of course, since Ben hooked the VCR up with some duct tape, twine, and a hamster on a bike the VCR no work. Soon . . . soon. I can only hope that tonight's Real World involves Trashelle and Steven mooning/fighting over each other and Irulan and Alton fighting/mooning over each other. And Brynn MIA and Frank being creepy. And Arissa getting drunk and putting her face on. That kind of stuff NEVER happens. Seriously though, Real World Las Vegas has been on for like 17 months. I can't take it anymore. Either give me a new Road Rules or finish up Real World Paris (oh man, that's gonna go over REAL well when it premieres) Real World Freedom, brought to you by Bunim-Murray Productions.

Oh yeah, did I mention that I saw Chicago too? I liked it. I didn't know there was going to be singing and dancing but it was still good. I'm. kidding. Catherine Zeta-Jones-Douglas-McClure was hotter than I'd thought she'd be, and man, as I was telling Kate last night at work, I'm not one of those guys that has a pregnant woman fetish or anything but hotchie motchie - I still thought she looked hot at the Oscars! Does that make me wrong in some way? ["It's probably the 'glowing' that got ya." - Kate, "Either that or it's the lactating." - Folkmanis Stingray Puppet] *GASP!* Naughty Stingray Puppet! What a crude thing to say!

"What are ya gonna do? Fuckin' sue me? Go ahead. I'm a fucking puppet. Good luck getting any money outta me."

I was passed out in my bed last Friday afternoon around 4:30 when Ben came home. He started a-hootin' and a-hollerin' to me from downstairs so I woke up and all I heard was, "Do you want to come with me to Aaron's for some hot dogs and beer?" I don't think I've ever seen me move so fast. Somehow, fast forward three hours and I'm half tanked at the Dover Bowlarama. We were with Neil, Aaron and Michelle, and Nick and Amy. And I was bowlin' up a storm. You ask anybody. I always need the first few strings to warm up, but then I'm on fire! Seriously. Bowling. It's one of my [very] hidden talents. Anyway, at first I thought it was the cheap beer I was drinking, but at 9:00 on the dot the lights went off, the speakers starting blasting classic rock and all this neon paint showed up all over the floors and walls due to the whole building being washed in UV rays. I loved it! I was Cosmic Bowling! With a bunch of rednecks and teenybopper raver wannabees surrounding us! Seriously, I think I loved it waaaay more than I should have. Especially since, under the special lights, the bowling balls look like giant jawbreakers. Mmmmmmmm . . . Wait a minute. I hate jawbreakers. Whatever. That will not be the last time I go Cosmic Bowling. I assure you.

If you need to find me on Friday nights from now on . . .

It's been real,


ps - CHECK OUT my recently added links on my LINKS page (click the link below) Make time to go to the page. If you do, you'll be my best friend. We'll get a locket and everything. But I get the "Be _ _ Fri _ _ _ _" side of it, the " _ _ st _ _ _ ends" side is for losers. Losers who can be my best friend!

pps - I hate to close TWO consecutive entries with a Happy Birthday to Monique, seeing as she's been celebrating this birthday since what seems like February, but seeing as today is her actual birthday - HAPPY 25th MONIQUE! Again. For the last time. Send her a birthday message if you'd like. Trust me, she doesn't care if she doesn't know you; the only bigger birthday whore than her is me.

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