2002-04-12 - 11:41 a.m.

What are the worst two words you can hear in the English Language? Any guesses? Here's some possible choices:

-Jay Leno

-Aerosmith Tour

-Gilford Party

-Mustard Stain (that's for all you Slop's out there YO!)

-Double Shift

-Hood House

-Southwestern Shell

-Glass Tabletop

-Tracey Lundgren

-Freshtasticks Closed

-Jake Leiper

-Ouch. . .Chlamydia

-Suddenly Susan

-Freezerburn Perogies

-Veronica's Closet

-Wrap this!

-No Bus

-George Bush (either/or)

Give up?! Well, I admit, Double Shift was veeeerrrry close to being the winner (for reasons explained below) but I am a liar and a cheat and the real answer wasn't even included. The worst two words EVER (and I think everyone will shudder a bone-chilling shudder when they read them) are: GROUP PROJECT.

Seriously. I'd rather work by committee with 6 bags of flour, or be Ambassador to the Balloon Doggies than work on a group project. A group project where the members think it is HI-larious to schedule meetings on Friday mornings (which I usually have off) and Monday mornings at 7. I mean, because why not? Why not Monday mornings at 7? Really. I can think of no better time.

At least we're doing our project on the family friendly feel good movie Chinatown. [Sidenote from our special guest Ben: Me like Chinesetown Movie. It had bridges and damns and Injunears -just like me!- and me kept guessing till the very end! If you see one movie from 1974 this year, make it Chinesetown! Especially if you like Batman. Because The Joker is the main guy in Chinesetown] Thank you Ben. VS

Ok so if anyone knows me AT ALL, they know I very rarely work Saturdays. Oh wait, I mean to say that I work pretty much EVERY FUCKING SATURDAY. So it should come as NOOOOOO surprise that not only am I working this Saturday, but I'm missing a RED SOX/YANKEES game with Pedro "Psych, I was just warming up, that game didn't count, no black magic" Martinez pitching because I'm working a Double Shift. And it's not even a REAL Double Shift (like Patrick's legendary 21 hour shifts) it's actually a Shift and 1/2. Which means I can't even be satisfied with the fact that I'll have extra money rolling in from G. Willikers next week. (There's so many things wrong with the previous sentence, the least of which is "G. Willikers" and "extra money" being seen together in public). So that's that. Practically everyone I know is going to the Boston/NY series at some point this weekend. And to them I say: Have Fun. Waitaminute, no I don't, I say: I Hate You And I Hope You Choke On Your Fenway Frank, Especially Ben Who I Hope Gets Tarred And Feathered When Peter Announces On The Jumbotron That You Are A Worthless Ass-Punching Yankees Fan. ARGH. Now I'm all fired up. Well, more than usual anyway. Either that or it's hot flashes. My bet is on the hot flashes.

Well, at least Peter is coming up today and Rich, Peter and I will watch my Simpsons Tape and then the David Byrne concert and for a fleeting second I will be somewhat agreeable (which for me, "Somewhat Agreeable" is as close as I come to what most mammals call "happy" or "joyful")

It's been real,

Timothy Pat

ps - Have fun lampooning that Cowboy.

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