2002-04-08 - 7:25 p.m.

Poor Ken Griffey Jr. Well that's what he gets. Cincinatti is an armpit. I've been there. I know. Ok, ok. It's not an Armpit. But word to the wise, if you go to Cincinatti with the hope to either see:

1 - WKRP

or

2 - Rock and Roll Hall of Fame (in hopes that Ohio isn't THAT big and Cincinatti can't be too far from Cleveland)

-then well my friend you are in for a world of sadness, hurt, and dysentary. Not only is WKRP fictional (apparently that was a TELEVISION SHOW, not a live feed of the zany hi-jinx of a Cincinatti radio station), but Cleveland and Cincinatti could NOT BE FURTHER APART. Cincinatti might as well be in Kentucky and Cleveland might as well be a Canadian Territory. Here's a fun fact: The Cincinatti Airport is actually IN KENTUCKY. I swear to God. How fucked up is that? Man, you'd think Mr. Carlson could use his fortune to build a new airport. . .

Speaking of Dysentary, if ever one has played the 80's computer game Oregon Trail, you have not lived life until you have read the following essay on Oregon Trail. It made me laugh until my side split. And then I was in stitches. Seriously.

http://whatever-dude.com/posts/191.shtml

What did I JUST say about Weddings being the theme of the YEAR?!?! Now the ol' Peter Gabriel loving Wooley Catapillar herself, Effie Wooley is getting married. I was just informed by Frederick. Man, I hope she has her reception at the Wallakers (c'mon Effie, keep it real - old skool baybee! ha ha, I am so cool). Man Effie, you're going to get married before Peter Gabriel even comes out with his new album. I have nothing else to say about this.

Here's the deal. When you invite someone to your birthday party on the Mount Washington (the boat, not the mountain) and there's only a certain amount of people that can go, it is considered a MAJOR faux pas to not let the invitee know you can't make it with less than 48 hours to go before the party. Even more of a Fox Pass is ditching out with only 24 hours left. (I'm looking in your direction Cypress Hill, Ricky, and Marco). Whatever. I didn't know it was so god damned difficult to get people to go to a Kids in the Hall show. God, at this point I'd be willing to invite Edwin to the show. No, no, that's a horrible thing to say. We're not that hard up. . .yet.

Whatever. Also, if anyone can come up with a clever scheme that enables me to see Spider-Man on Friday May 3rd without anyone in the Presher-Wenderoth wedding festivities noticing I'm missing I'd be very grateful. [Note: I have already thought of and discarded the following schemes: -Laying blankets over a length of pillows on the hotel bed and painting my face on a basketball and making pretend I'm resting. -Calling Dave in Paris and cutting and looping his voice into a tape recorder in order to fool Miss Miller in to letting me go see Spider-Man. I respect The Chipmunks as much as the next guy -moreso actually- but modeling your schemes after theirs is just asking for trouble. Seriously, I tried the pillow/blanket trick -sans basketball- in order to sneak out and meet O'Shea, Keith and Steph (um huh?) one time and was grounded for the next week. A week when my groundation was the subject of constant humiliation at my workplace at the time -which was Surfcoaster {where the surf's up EVERY day}- as Brooke would constantly bring up to the whole kitchen every chance she could that I had a curfew of 10 o'clock for the rest of the week. Granted she probably doesn't remember this, as we weren't friends then.] So yeah, any Spider-Man ideas, send 'em along to [email protected] (or IM them to ZQF8). The winner gets a large order of Arby's Curly Fries. Mmmmmmm, I hope *I'm* the winner.

I'm cold. And I need to do laundry. Oh well. Annalee baby, this one is for you. . .

Yeah right. That crazy drunk ol' dollmaker had it in for me from the get-go. Good riddance. No, that's too mean. I liked the display of Annalee dolls they had at Gunstock back in the early 80's before they re-did the Big Lodge. But other than that, that hatemonger Annalee never did anything for me! Now she can bother Satan with her incessant stitchery!

My tooth still hurts.

It's been real,

Coaster Burger (w/cheese)

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