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30on30: Shampooing The D's

2008-08-28 - 8:14 a.m.

Listening To: Holly Golightly, Talking Heads, Paul Simon

"I remember when - sittin' in the tub - pulled out the plug - the water was runnin' out!" - Talking Head

     I find it odd that in 29 364/365ths years* I've all of a sudden made two monumental changes to my daily routine. I'm talking earth-shaking, soul-realigning changes. What are these changes that I speak of? Well, why don't you join me in paragraph two and I'll tell you all about them, yes?

     Ok, everyone make it? Snorts got stuck back at the first paragraph? Don't worry, Snorts - we'll come back for you later. We promise. Anyway, so my life 360's: #1. About 4 or 5 months ago I started to write my d's different. Well, lower case letter d's. I had been thinking of doing it for a while, as I've never gotten on well with the lower case d's I've been producing since, oh - 3rd or 4th grade. So I knew I wanted to make a change but didn't know how or when. Then, suddenly, one morning at work, blammo! New d. I'll show you, and then tell you some more.


     You see? That first d is my original, classic d. I didn't like it. I think you'd agree. Not only does it look like a 9 year-old's "I just learned cursive real good" kind of d, but it also seems to masquerade at night as a capital letter I. Well that just won't do! Except, you know, it DID do for over 20 years!! And then, while I'm not exactly over the moon about my new letter d, it's still new. Yes, it looks like an epileptic fish hook - but entering fourth decade, shouldn't I be writing more like a shaky fisherman than a 9-year old who doesn't know the difference between d's and I's? I knew you'd see it my way!

     #2. This one only started a week ago so it's still fresh in my brain's crisper! My whole life, when I go to wash my hair whilst in the shower, I squeeze a dollop (usually too big) of shampoo into the exact middle of my right palm. (Trust me, I used a protractor. It was the middle. Wait - would a protractor help me find the middle?? I don't know. I'm no mathamagician.) Anyway, so then I'd ratchet my hand up to the top of my head, smash the shampoo on it and then rub it all around my head and being depressed that there was never enough to spread evenly on to my sideburns/bangs/back of my neck, etc. I suppose this is why the top of my head is always far shinier than any other part of my head. Sadly, at 6'5", this means little to anyone who isn't Keith, one of the Tims, or an emu. So the other day, I'm about to start washing my hair - I put the Head & Shoulders on my hand - and a lightening bug flies up to me and says, "HEY! Hold the phone!" I say, "Look lightening bug, I'm in the shower! I don't have a phone! And even if I DID, I wouldn't HOLD it. I could get electro-ma-cuted!" He indignantly squeaks back, "It's pronounced, 'electrocuted'. Don't be cute." "Look, just cut to the quick! I'm naked!" I implore him. "Fine. Why don't you just rub the shampoo all around both hands like when you use a bar of soap to wash your face. Then, with shampoo evenly distributed on your hands, you can wash your whole head evenly!" It was a wonderful idea! And it worked! So I ate the helpful lightening bug so I could keep his knowledge inside my body forever and ever!

     The End!

     Wait, I mean, just the end of that story. Not the end of everything. Jeeze. Don't go bananas!

     It's been real,


* - I'm not actually 30 until 2:40 today, so BACK OFF!

p.s. - Am I really going to write 30 blogs on my 30th birthday?! Well, we shall see. I'm old now. My vision and typing speed isn't what it once was. But that's the planular!!!

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