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Sweet Dreams Are Made Of Thistles

2008-04-17 - 7:58 p.m.

Type of Foam Puzzle I Bought @ Shaw's For $1: The Anatomy of a Fish

Listening To: Band of Horses, Yael Naïm, Rick Springfield, Tears for Fears

Quote:"Joyce always hates any of my onion-based schemes!" - Zach, to Cindy

     I'm ready to make an entrance, so back on up. Don't worry, I'm not about to rip shit up. My entries seem to have been bursting like bubbles lately, no? The only things crazier than a parade of trannies - at least outside of the Puerto Rican Pride Parade - are my dreams. Well, Monique ingested some dream-altering chantix the other night that basically caused her to have a fever nightmare mixed with aboriginal dreamtime. So, that? Is probably higher on the banana scale then mine. I bet she was straight trippin' on that stuff. But yeah, I wish I could fade my dreams, but sadly, they're unfadeable. Now it's time for me to make my impression felt. So sit back, relax, and strap on your seat belt.

     But first, thanks to those of you that showed me some tranny lovin' in the last entry. I mean it. I do. That said, I really thought Kurt Rambis and Mer-Man would have made more of an impression. Coty, for some reason I thought those would have cut deeper for you especially. I have no idea why. I just did. And Jimbo, just because one may possess risque photos of K.K. does not preclude that one should be publishing risque photos of K.K. all about the intranets. Also, Happy Birthday to Justin today! (And Happy belated Birthday to Tax Day babies Titie & Andrea!) God, did I leave anyone out? Oh yes, congratulations to Miss Kelly who (with Jim's help of course) is doing her part to add to the "Wave O' Babies '08"! Oh, and Liz? Was in Montreal last month and St. Hubert says hello. He says he misses you and things just aren't the same without you. Of course, he was drunk, so I don't know if I'd trust anything he says. Also, go Sox (suck it, Yankees), Celts (suck it, Hawks), and Bruins (suck it, other hockey team that no one cares about because you're hockey! Ok, fine: Suck it, Canadiens!) Wait, now wasn't I going to say something crazy about dreams? No, wait. It was something about crazy dreams! That Compton intro shan't fall on deaf eyes!

      So the other night I had this dream that Jimbo showed up in Dover to surprise me with a present. [Which was awfully nice of him since his Christmas presents are still sitting on my bureau.] The present was in a large golden envelope. I was very excited. I opened it up and it was a gift certificate to Lakes Region Cinema. You know, the one that was next to Papa Gino's and Fayva in LA, near Star Market and doesn't exist anymore? Thanks for that Jimbo. But luckily for Jimbo, or really - for me, it DID still exist in dream Laconia. There was a bunch of fine print on the gift certificate that Jimbo went on to explain to me was the terms of the gift certificate. In order to use the certificate, the owner of said certificate needed to see every movie the theater was showing over the course of one day. If you failed to see them all, you had to pay for what you watched. If you saw them all, it was all free. Again? Thanks for that Jimbo. Who the hell wants to watch 7 movies in one day? Especially if a Steven Seagal Film Festival was in town?? It wasn't, thankfully, in my dream. But you can only imagine what it would be like to have to sit through, "Under Siege 7: Even more Under Siege . . . ier".

       So after griping to Jimbo (as I'm wont to do), I decided to spend the day at the Lakes Region Cinema. I don't remember any of the movies that were playing. But I remember that I watched a few. And as the day dried into night more people started joining me for the screenings. But they seemed like real rough customers. They were dressed like they were part of a bike gang. They were smoking in the theater. They were drinking out of 40's. It was all very blue behavior for a family nickelodeon! Suddenly, I'm drinking beer with the biker gang. Hardly paying attention to the movie, I don't even notice when the screen goes out and smoke fills the room. The theater has been set on fire and now pieces of brick are falling from the ceiling as the building starts to break down and fall apart. I try to escape and I must have either passed out or got hit by a falling brick, because the next thing I know I'm opening my eyes outside the theater whilst laying down in the parking lot, bruised and sore, and totally disoriented. I also notice, as I become more aware of my surroundings, that the bikers are all gone. Then I realize that my shirt is missing. You know, just missing. That's when I look down and see my chest. I have a tattoo. And not something cool like a flaming, haunted, Chinese pirate ship. Oh no, siree. Someone - while I was PASSED OUT in a BURNING BUILDING - had tattooed, in large, black, block letters, "BEER TAP" across my chest. So to me, it was upside & backwards. But it would read fine to anyone looking at my chest. Under the words, was a large black line that formed a large arrow on my stomach that pointed to my crotch. I. was. Terrified. And I blamed Jimbo for the whole thing because I figured he staged the entire affair to trick me into getting a tattoo. But I don't know that he's ever been partial to me getting, "BEER TAP" emblazoned across my chest. Thanks for that anyway, Jimbo.


 Wow. Look at those A+ sideburns. Real sharp if I do say so myself. I know it appears that by my art consistency that I am naked. I am not. I'm just wearing . . . um, white/clear pants and shoes. Notice the hair and nipples used to show (not tell) the reader that a shirt is absent. Also notice the unintentional lava lamp/giant mushroom shape I've made me chest/stomach hair morph into. It doesn't look like that in real life. But due to the fact that I made my body 1:3 scale to a movie theater, I had some stretching to do. Please don't judge my chest hair. It's very self concious. Especially when it just finds out that it's part of a hidden treasure map that leads to some sort of beer tap.

       So yeah - there's that. I'm off to the New York ComiCon this weekend and I'm quite intrigued over the freaky, cosplay, furry, gothic, frakky, crazyfest it will be. I'm working the majority of it for Jetpack Comics, but I'll have time to wander around and take in as many sights as possible. There's a BSG panel AND an X-Files panel AND a Lost panel AND a Vicuna panel. So eat your respective hearts out Coles, Frederick, Kate, and Hannah! But yeah . . . this is the part where I'm supposed to be packing for the trip and making sure I'm not forgetting anything. Toothbrush? Check. Underwear? Check. Phone Charger? Check. Lucky thistles? Double check!

        It's been real,


ps - There's a whole new mess of quotes up for your quotey enjoyment to be found in Quotes Vol. 4 up above. Check 'em out. You'll be glad you did.

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