2007-02-16 - 9:50 a.m.

I think I was in charge of negotiating Brad Pitt out of a hostage situation in my dream last night. He was stuck in a hotel named Shell (owned by the Shell gas company - so it was all yellow and red and shell-ish) I finally got the cops to bust open his hotel room door and there was no one in there. I found out later in the dream that the whole thing was a hoax perpetrated by my colleagues in the hostage negotiating business (?!) in honor of my first two years on the job. That's exquisitely normal, right? Right?

It's cold. Like hoth-y cold. And snowy. Like snowy snowy. Ugh. I guess I'm not so good on the description words in the AM. Still, it's nice not to be at work right now. Especially since during a brief portion yesterday I thought I may not even have a work to go back to on Saturday. [Not because mysterious arson or anything - God forbid! - but because me calling (one of my many) bosses a prick and getting in a shouting match with him, blah, blah, teetering on the edge of unemployment, blah, blah, funamunches. Hooray!] I love my job! It gives me strength to believe in unintelligent design. I need a change. I'm being micromachined to death I think.

For your free cupcakes, see the posted sign. Can I say about the business last night now? Can I? Ok. So I went to Andrea's last night so she could help me do several compy things (all of which are under wraps for the time being - though some of you probably know what I'm talking about) and in the mish-mash of eating Chinese Food, terrorizing chinchillas, taping the last 2 weeks worth of LOST from her TIVO, reading comics, and finally watching the Nip/Tuck Season 4 premiere - we just HAPPENED to come across a scene in the ER from last night. And I almost had a stroke. But like a for real one this time. Dr. Lisa was handling a new patient. That was psychic and had epilepsy. That's not important. The important part is that the patient? WAS MATTHEW. (It gets better. I swear to God it does! I know, I can hardly believe it either!) So they're talking, "blah blah bitchcakes, blah blah complaint box" and she questions his psychic powers and he answers, "I am the REAL DEAL. Do you know the REAL DEAL when you see it?" If I was Jewish I would have plotzed right then in there. In fact, check Andrea's rug, I may not have plotzed but I definitely did something. THE REAL DEAL?!?! As in "The Real Deal With Bill McNeil"?!?!?!?!?!?!?! Just when my meds have convinced me that tv no talky to me through my aluminum wrapped brain, my best friends Dr. Lisa and Patient Matthew prove OTHERWISE!! And all this during the same week where my stalwart and noble Joe exposes that fucking scumfucking joke-stealing "Carlos Mencia" as the fraud that he is. #1 - "Carlos Mencia" steals other comics jokes. #2 - His name isn't Carlos. It's Ned. #3 - He's not EVEN FUCKING MEXICAN. He's 1/2 German / 1/2 Hondouran. He MAKES THE ACCENT UP. It's all fake. And he RAMPANTLY steals jokes from other comics. EVEN GEORGE LOPEZ HATES HIM. George Lopez fucking laid him out when he found out "Carlos" stole almost 15 minutes of George's material for his HBO special. I HATE "CARLOS MENCIA" and I ALWAYS HAVE. And now Joe, in a fantastically dovetailing bit of loyalty, has shown the world what a fraud this asshole is. There's video footage of the whole thing happening live - with Joe and "Carlos" going at it. It's beautiful. Stunning even. Check out Joe's site for the whole hullabaloo.

I've got a bunch of stuff I need to be doing right now and writing online is not one of them. Michael's for even more arts and craftsery. The Post Office for sending and mailing and all sorts of business. Quick trip to the comic store, to LA for a belated birthday brunch w/ Beth (well, hopefully - but still, that's a lot of "b's" either way) and then to the chilly wilds of the north for belated Valentine's food and drinkery.

You all? You have a damn fine and cold weekend. Unless you're one of the West Coast losers. You know who you are. You just lap up all the sand and monkeys. Hmmmm. That sounded dirty. GOOD. I'm glad. Also, new quotes. Soak it in. I know you want it.

It's been real,

Cylon McGee

�

<-- Back to the Salt Mines! - Onward, to the Bee-Mobile! -->

�