2005-04-14 - 11:01 p.m.

Awwwwwwwwwww yeah. Nothing says nightcap like the Sox getting another "W" from those New York Orphan Rapers. But for reals? How come it can never be a blow out? I'm not trying to be selfish, but these ridiculously close calls we've been ekeing out are KILLING me softly with their collective songs. Foulke will have me enlisting a cardiologist in no time. And what's that? All those fucktardingly awful calls by the umpire are going to get overshadowed? But how? What fantastic bit of ridiculosity could do that? What stupid scrap of trashcorpulence could help to hide what a donkey molesting hick Randy Johnson is? Oh, that's right, the love tap some Boston fan gave Gary "I put the 'age' in 'Roid Rage'" Sheffield. I don't know how you can miss it. The massive blows that the fan rained down upon Sheffield's chemically engorged head really couldn't be ignored. It's only being replayed on SportsCenter 100 times and on the front page of espn.com and every other sports website. And while I still lean towards the side of, "Yeah, the guy was closer than he should have been but he obviously wasn't trying to clock Sheffield" opposed to the, "Oh my poor pussy Yankees! And their fair maiden faces! Whatever shall my steroid sucking Sheffield do?!" camp, no one seems to be mentioning the fact that Sheffield went ape-shit and started hopping around and lunging at the guy. Whatever. The Sox won, thanks to our captain, my captain V-Tek. So I shan't complain about them. Until tomorrow at least.

Blarrrrrghh! Me Gary go fucking BLARGH ARGGGGHHHH!

So yeah. Today wasn't so bad of a day. First off, while work is never "fun" or "good", it wasn't exactly flesh bleedingly bad today. Part of the reason being that my Yankees-hearting boss left early to go to the Sox/Yankees game tonight. The joint is literally 100 times more fun when Bossy McJeterson isn't skulking about. And if he's reading this from a google search, whatever. Fire me. If you needed an employee's "secret" website to clue you in to the fact that everyone is 47% more tense when you're bounding at us telling us words of wisdom like, "Answer the phone when it's ringing", "Offer to carry car batteries for pregnant women", and "Close the door when it's raining", well, then, that's pretty telling. But anyway, work wasn't too bad. As usual, Tom Sawyer was running around pawning all of his jobs off on us and making us upset Aunt Polly to no end. Crazy Dave is ending his tour of duty at the Danger Mouse and Friday is his last day. I will certainly miss Dave's frequent use of the word "bastard". Pronounced: "bastid". As in, "It's snowing like a bastid.", "I can't get all the grease off this little bastid.", and "That meatloaf is going down like a bastid." So ANYWAY, today's Daily Special Theme on the River was "Cameras". Now, not only have I been convinced that they've been blocking my calls at the River because I call pretty much EVERY day with a Daily Special Suggestion, but I've been convinced they hate me because even when I do get through, they usually nix my Talking Heads suggestion for some wicked awesome Dave Matthews song. Vomit. Well, TODAY I not only get through, but I suggest TWO SONGS. This is highly unorthodox. I even asked, "Is this legal?" I was told it was. I suggested Paul Simon's "Kodachrome" and The Kinks "Picture Book." So yeah, out of 5 songs, they play my Paul Simon suggestion. Oh wait . . . AND MY KINKS suggestion. DAMN! I've been going "0 for" for like 3 weeks and then I GET TWO TODAY?!?! If I had Dairy Queen today I could have been dead and happy by 6. The other three songs were "Girls on Film" by Duran Duran, "Bad Day" by R.E.M., and "Peg" by Steely Dan (which I LOVE and hadn't heard in ages, so I pumped the volume.) And I take special satisfaction that Hayley hasn't heard of any of those songs.

PLUS, I had the people at Bull Moose tell me how cool I was and how they liked my taste in music. Maybe only Andrea, Hannah and Peter truly appreciate the weight of that. On most days, the people at Bull Moose will not even make eye contact with you. Often times, instead of telling you your total, they will simply spit on your arm. But they went all red carpet on me tonight. I'm scared. And confused. I'd detail exactly what I bought, but much of it was presents for peeps who read this shit, so nothing out of me.

Then there was this grand adventure where I took Peter's place since his plane was delayed in Florida, so I went with Titie to look at a house that Michelle was showing them. And the grand adventure goes like this: I accidentally, and so HARDLY my fault, locked us out of the house we were looking at. And that sucked. That's the whole story. But the house was nice and P & T are hoping to land it. Or whatever one does with a prospective house.

Yeah, I can't talk about Alias from last night because all of you take forever to catch up with Alias Season 4 peeps are here, but god damn was that crazy. And not "normal" crazy, but "typical Alias my eyes are bleeding" crazy.

Also, the Red Sox won. Did I mention that? And I'm probably going to have to wax the roof or some shit tomorrow as punishment from Mr. ARodHearting ImInChargerson, but you know what? It's worth it. It's totally worth it.

Damn, I have to go to bed. It's late. And I have to get up early. Did I mention that I live by myself pretty much now? I didn't? Well, it's too late to go into it now, since I already decided to end this here entry. But yeah, Ben sleeps here maybe, MAYBE, once a week. I ain't complainin', just puttin' it out there is all.

It's been real,

Gunk

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