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QUOTES! V.1

QUOTES! V.2

QUOTES! V.3

QUOTES! V.4

QUOTES: Vol. 1

2005-03-14 - 12:06 p.m.

January, 2003 - December, 2005

"You know what makes this chicken pot pie so damn tasty? It's the red potatoes." - Ben

"But - what's YOUR picture going to look like?" - Kate, on my non-existent newspaper column

"Now those are some *classic* New York Boobs!" - Dave Chappelle, on Dave Chappelle Show

"It's so cold that people of the Ice Planet Hoth are all, 'Damn it's COLD!'" - Justin

"Dammit! Will all those with a fake mustache please leave now." - Principal Cinnamon J. Scudworth, on Clone High

"I can't believe I'm dressed up as Bikini Boy." - Jon L., circa March 1993

"Don't forget that the kid knew T.C. liked Moxie." - My Brain

"Do you get paid to just sit here and do homework?" - Karen Gregory

"She really got me good!" - Monique, detailing the 'mauling' she got from Misha

"I like to have some variety in my Lent." - Kate

"That's not an elephant - that's Andrea." – Kate

"Mom, I'm pretty sure that Mr. Toad's ride was less wild than that." - Zach

"I'm allergic to porcupines!" – Rex

"I like money and a big red tomato" - Liam Lynch, from “Fake Talking Heads Song”

"Oh . . . I knew. I knew where the cups were." - Fred

"That Kenichi's always throwing something into the mix . . . the meow mix that is." – Kate

"That's classic . . . like a Wendy's hamburger." - Tim Curtis

"Are you looking for Ben? He was all bloody. Art took him to the hospital." - Neighbor Barb

"Sometimes he bites her delicate parts - when they fight." - Monique

"When I was black and killed a cop it was fun." – Zach

"How are we gonna play 3-Man with only 2 controllers?" – Andrea

"Seriously, the Comic Sans Serif font is smarter than he is." – Zach

"You had me at 'Oh Yeah!' friend. You had me at 'Oh Yeah!'" – Zach

"I hate it when I have a buffalo and someone steals it from me!" - Dottie

"I vote for clitori." - Justin and Zach for once in agreement about something

"Sometimes . . . I don't know shit for shit." – Zach

"Good afternoon, this is Gigglepuss!" - Becca

"You start in a mine, then it's ancient Egypt somehow and I think they throw in a pirate." – Rick, on Canobie Lake Park’s Haunted Mine

"My IM sucks more than Dottie at an All-You-Can-Eat Onion Ring Buffet" – Zach

"USA! USA! USA!" - Trudy Wiegel, on Reno 911!

“Take our lives, but you'll never take our dagger wielding, giraffe riding stewardesses!” - Hannah E.

"Can he get me a date with Woogiestein?" – Zach

"Well, well, well - if it isn't Abercrombie and Bitch." - Peter

"So . . . where's Sloppy tonight?" - a woefully uninformed, yet hilarious, Ben

"You say 'hooked on Ny-Quil' like it's a bad thing!" - Zach

"Of course I'm not full after two bananas! It's not like I ate a hero!" – Ben

"I need some more pizza . . . but I'm gonna need to take a rest first." - Brooke

"I don't like Curious George. He disobeys everyone and then gets rewarded." - Hannah E.

"Oh man, he totally would!" - Bryan, on whether Jesus would accept free chinese food at Asia

"Somebody stop me before I eat that house!" - Monique, seeing a Gingerbread House window display in Boston

"I don't like to drink coffee, because then my sweat smells like cat pee" – Kate

"Getting HBO is just another one of Ben's frozen pipe dreams." - Zach

“I. Thought. You. Were. My. Honey. But. Then. You. Got. Married." - Shannon & Zach

"Pickle Dildo Harbingers!" – Jimbo

"YOU are HUMAN ipicac!" – Andrea

"Call this number and ask for a Misty Hatch." - Chad "That sounds . . . dirty." – Zach

"I was drunker than a horse in a drunk tank!" – Monique

"I was just writing in my . . . gumprope." - Al-Y

"Stupid Mrs. Fields cookie coupons - Get a free cookie when you buy 2 half dozen million cookies." -Becca

"You know, it's sorta like when you siphon gasoline out of a pick-up truck . . ." - Zach

"Fred is just a docile little lamb" - Monique

"Friend! You KNOW I hate all of a sudden darkness!" - Al-Y

"Go Black Kitty!" – Hayley

"Hot Dog!" - Peter, imitating a dog in a zoot suit. Yeah, don't ask.

"Every train's gotta have a good caboose if it wants to get where it's goin'!" - Zach

"Having a goatee is like drinking orange juice all the time." – Zach

"I always thought The Tap Room was a dance hall." - Hayley

"Wait . . . so is it Kate's birthday or something?" - Hayley

"I hate it when little people come shooting out of bigger people unexpectedly!" - Andrea

"All Aeropostale shirts are dumb, It's always like . . . Monkey . . . Surf . . . Club." - Al – Y

"This job's sexist. The girls vaccum & clean ducks. The boys build & destroy." – Becca

"If lightnin's gonna getcha, it's gonna getcha." - Puzzle Lady

"I don't follow you. I can't put cassettes in a baby!" - Officer Clementine Johnson, on Reno 911!

"Al-Y, don't be nice to ugly children. It only gives them more power." – Zach

"I'm sorry I'm not excited for your potato cheesiness." - Becca

"So you having a bbq or what? Because I have gay weddings to schedule." – Hannah E.

"Maybe a My Little Pony joke would be more your speed?" - Zach, to Liz

"You can't have a dog that close to pancakes! It's not safe!" - Trudy Weigel, on Reno 911!

"Friend, when are you gonna shave your 'friend'?" - Becca, asking about the goatee

"Bust out the big black dildos!" – Jimbo

"Did we . . . both . . . just say . . . 'ribron'?" - Zach, to Al-Y

"I started two gangs. The Kitties and The Grape Slushies." - Terri, on Reno 911!

"Thomas the Train says: 'I love Giraffe Man & Woman!'" – Becca

“If I ever get to name a new firecracker / variety of ecstasy, 'Atomic Tangerine' it'll be." – Spidey

"You'd've sucked me down into your Pit of No Fun - you'd have Monica-ed my Chandler." - Zach, to Kate

"I must have sat in somebody's hamburger." - Peter

"I'm slow. I must be a boy." - Al-Y, deciding what the gender must be for her toy turtle

"You know Hayley will pick God over you. You know it." - Al-Y, to Zach

"I accidentally bit this black baby instead of an animal cracker." – Brad

"I like figuring out Pixies lyrics all by myself. It makes me feel so learned." - Zach

"I'm trying to go after crappy-bear." - Jon, on his goals while playing Mega Man

"That's Canterbury for ya." - Peter, seeing a shirtless, joint smoking man driving in Canterbury

"I'm gonna straight Dirk you." - Peter, to Zach (but was misheard as "jerk", not "Dirk")

"Oh nice! A boob!" - Rex, pointing to the stuffed dog under my shirt

"I'm sitting next to Theo, 7 rows behind homeplate." - Justin, the world's cruelest liar

"Yes, I'd like an order of pork-fried punanny please." – Jimbo

"Bedknobs and Fraziersticks?!" - Zach "Exactly." – Rick

"Friend, remember that time we got fired?" - Zach, to Aly, whilst being fired

"G. Willikers: Because you can't spell 'friend' without 'fired'." – Zach

"If I come back here and see any Calico Critters I will pee on them." - Zach

“$1000 for each sneaker?! Dem's some golden feet." - Zach, on Schilling's new footwear

"I swear to God, if Bellhorn gets a hit here, I'll buy a Bellhorn t-shirt. And wear it." – Justin

"Schilling is a bionic man among . . . non-bionic men." – Zach

"Buddy, how many of Johnny Damon's love babies are you gonna have now?" - Coty, to Zach

"Every time I laugh, it hurts. I think I have breast cancer." – Kate

"You might wanna buy some kleenex. So when I kick your ass you'll have something to cry in.” – Jackie, concerning CTR

"What are you? The Banana Police?" - Zach " . . . yes." - Al-Y

"Stupid Bible. Oh, no offense Hayley." – Zach

"That guy's just gotta have hooves." – Alex

"Friend, Olive Garden is just a meal. Tanzanite is forever." - Hayley

"Oh man, I already ate my Black Peter . . . wait . . . that sounds bad." - Zach, on his St. Nicholas Day present

“You can take the girl out of the silviculture, but you can't take the silviculture out of the girl" - Zach, to Al-Y

"Fern Gully?! That project was dead before it started." - Peter

"Ohhhh! I love limited batches!" - Kate

"Hayley, were you brought up on a Cupcake Farm?" - Zach, "Ohh, I wish! – Aly

"A 'Quack & Flap' is difficult to resist." – Becca

"Why does proximity to Secret Crush make you both more pathetic and Hayley levels of dumb?" - Shan-Y, to Me

"You'd need like 5 tranqs to take down Andre the Giant." - Peter, "If not 6." – Zach

"I'm not gonna eat the chip, I'm just gonna lick the cheese off of it." – Andrea

" . . . and I had just eaten taco shells out of the trash can . . ." - Shan-Y

"Friend, you know how I feel about mints in cars!" – Kate

"Was it an e-vite? I don't respond to e-vites." Jack "Spy Daddy" Bristow, on Alias

“That's Ben's new band name, 'Pooper & The Dump Trucks!'" – TC

"I'm the spray fucking master!" - Justin, in reaction to finding out he bested the haunted bear bottle opener in the kitchen

"More corndogs . . . less peaches and peas." – Kate

"Jinx! You owe me an Awesome Blossom!" – Zach

"I just poked myself with a chip . . . and it hurts . . . because I have sores." - Kate

"Where there's one, there's more!" - Ranger Rick, aka Kate, spotting a deer on the road

"I love that cheese and I'm taking it home with me." – Brian

"Cones? Cones. Cones?!" - Zach

"I can't believe the two of us are hoping for fashion tips from Train Engineer Hankin" - Zach, to Aly

"I met Julia Roberts in a Denny's bathroom in Portland." – Jane

"Sometimes, you just have to say, 'Shamrock for a friend?'" - Monique, wanting free shakes

"If you mess with a friend of Flinkman, you're messing with Flinkman" - Marshall Flinkman, on Alias

"I think Cameron just said, 'Kobayashi Maru'." - Zach

"My mouth itches. And . . . I'm pretty sure it's cheese related." - Kate

"Whoa. A fire-breathing horse. Kick ass." - Peter

"My butt soaked it all up. - Shan-Y

"This is NOT a Haunted Hayride!" - Al-Y, to Shannon & Zach, after they terrified her and Hayley

"Well I really like eating food and drinking, so I guess if Kyle and I ever get married we can be Mr. & Mrs. Fooinking." - Brooke, on the popularity of combining two of your favorite things to make a new last name

"Does it mean they're done if they're squirting?" - Zach, on the grilling of the cheddarwurst - though it's clearly much funnier out of context

"The Yellow Fanta girl is far too Caucasian for your tastes, friend." - Kate, on her correct assumption that the Yellow Fanta girl ranks below the Purple, Red, and Orange Fanta girls with me

"Kenichi is your life's Slugworth." - Peter

"No offense Titie, you may be Dutch, but I was in 'The Diary of Anne Frank' in high school, so I think I know a *little* but more about the German occupation of Holland than you." - Zach

"Ben Folds? Fried Dough? Friend, it doesn't get any better than this." - Justin

"Lollipops / Rainbows / Moonbeams / I wanna bang ya." - Corn Mo

"But other than all that, she's a really great girl." - Zach

"yak, Yak, YAK!" - The Yaking "Wood Frog"

"Oh no! Subway Zombies! Those are the worst kind!" - Zach, during Alias Party

"Oh, I just looked it up with the Dichotomous Key." - Little Nick "Did you just say 'Dichotomous Key'?" - Liz M. "Yes, I *did* say Dichotomous Key." - Little Nick "ENOUGH! I haven't heard the words 'Dichotomous Key' in like the last 10 years and now I've heard it about 100 times in 15 minutes!" - Zach, on discussing how the identification of the water scorpion came to be

"I'll take the picture this way, Monique has good lookin' legs!" - Nanny

"I'm almost positive that Jackie French petitioned to have this reception at the Soda Shoppe." - Zach

"Friend, you can't judge a book from its homefries" - Zach

"I can't absolutely rule out Kenichi and the aspect of foul play." - Zach, on Sarah's possible fate

"I like all this jazzaroo." - Bump, on the basement

"Friend, you've been awfully quiet . . . are you praying?" - Aly, to Hayley

"Friend, if you got a tattoo it'd say, 'Born to Behave'." - Justin, to Hayley

"Zach, come over here and let me bite that again!" - Monique

"I want to be the new Andrea Roy!" - Shannon

"She's tarnished. Forever. She's forever tarnished." - Roy

"Why did you just punch me in the balls?! - Zach, "Because you called my mother a whore." - Peter, "No I didn't!" - Zach, "Oh . . . then I retract that." - Peter.

"That Chinese coconut business . . . FORK IT OVER!" - Andrea, on the Chinese Pastry "business" that Rachel brought to the BBBQ

"I didn't know there was any sort of paper plate thing going on." - Shannon, on the Beirut sign-up process

"You should pick yellow since it's like sunshine." - KP, on helping Brian decide whether to have a green or a yellow tequila jello shot

"Somewhere, the Bengineer is freaking out about those paper towels. For realsies." - Kate

"You think just that you have a picture of Ben Walden on your lapel that you have license to go around and spank every one!" - Zach, to KP

"Seriously, can someone get her to stop spanking my ass?" - Brooke, about KP

"I'm the Olerud to Joyce's Millar." - Zach, on the Danger Mouse politics

"Tick Check! That's 'TICK', with a 'T'!" - Zach, to Peter and Ben

"I want to know who is responisble for all the butt puke upstairs!" - TC

"Can you please stop saying 'butt puke'?" - Zach

"Management deserves the right to limit any player." - Funspot signs

"Snorts, we're practically begging to be limited." - Zach, to Ricky, during a particularly haphazard game of Air Hockey

"Limit *this* Bob Lawton!" - Zach, pointing to his balls, after Rick and Zach's Air Hockey game is abruptly stopped

"Eat Poppa, Eat!" - Rick, by way of Mrs. Clause, by way of McKeen

"I think I'm gonna get married this summer at this farm." - Zach "To who, R2-D2?" - Shan-Y ". . . maybe." - Zach

"Stop making the businessess go crazy!" - Shan-Y, trying to convince Zach to stop whistling to the peacocks, which is making them go bat-shit

"My biggest fear is that they'll go crazy and peck all of my eyes out." - Shan-Y, on the peacocks

"All of a sudden, I'm having to adhere to Gordon's bee schedule." - Annie

"Don't I wish I had a Mother in my pocket!" - Little Nick

"He's just mad that he doesn't have a girlfriend . . . or a boyfriend . . . or a prettier hand." - Matt, on Senor

"They could play the score from Disney's 'Robin Hood' and I'd be happy." - Zach, to Peter on the prospects of the Pixies set list

"Don't worry, I'm going to be with you guys when it comes time to 'Flip the Bitch'." - Jimbo, to Peter, Andrea and Zach

"Amidst the foam, I found a nut!" - Little Nick, while cleaning the Tadpole 12

"I'm gonna have to bleed the chlorine from the line later." - Amy, "That's a normal sentence." - Zach

"It's not my fault that all the girls I know are secret boys." - Zach

"I LOVE Pat Hingle!" - Rick, "I know you do. You always have. As long as I've known you, you have. You always will." - Zach

"Senor, I'm pretty sure the deal was that if we did [fill-in-the-blank] that you had to bring in the go-karts." - just about everyone at one time or another at the Diamond Mines in mid-June

"Hey $! I cut a mean head!" - B-Rog, defending himself after being unjustly called "Kathleen Gregoire"

"I have the Yellow Fever. And I ain't talkin' malaria." - Zach, to Justin

"Without my wart bandage I can *never* be it!" - Todd, after losing said bandage during tag

"Friend, you better be careful, sharks HEART that shit!" - Zach, to Monique, on being wary of being on her "ladies time" during a trip to the shark infested waters of Florida

"Let me put it in terms of 'Santa Claus: The Movie' for you . . ." - Peter

"The best thing about steak knifing the plastic off my walls is that I can pee out the windows again." - Zach

"Friend, you're the King of Wristbands." - Andrea, concerning Zach's get-rich quick scheme

"Ooh maaan. My nose rice got into my real rice and now I don't want to eat any of my real rice." - Zach, after laughing, choking, getting his fried rice lodged into his nasal cavity, sneezing it out, and then accidentally having it the ejected rice fall into his plate. [I don't need to be told how gross that is. I WAS THERE. IT WAS MY RICE.]

"Friend, that is entirely way too Goo Goo Dolls' 'A Boy Named Goo' of you." - Kate, on my plans to use Cam on my future album cover

"Jake, do they eat cornbread in Israel?" - Dustin. This statement is wrong for way too many reasons to go into.

"Snorts, I need a fish bucket, all the ice I can carry, and a red pepper medley! STAT!" - Zach, "What the hell are you planning?" - Rick"Do I question your crazy schemes?! Do I?! - Zach

"I'd never geezed with the force of a fire hose before." - Andrew, in regaling Peter, Evan, Titie, and Zach on his tragic trip to the dentist

"If you'd like, I can always chew these fritos into a soft mush and then regurgitate them into your mouth." - Big Nick, "I should thank you for being a mama-bird level friend to me." - Zach, during his recovery from oral surgery

"Dude, don't ever use your legs to push something together." - Little Nick, ". . ." - Zach, " . . . you know, it could give you a hernia." - Little Nick

"I've gotten more hugs from Dustin in the last week than I have from my own mother in the last year." - Zach, to Matt

"Friend, if you buy a little business I could probably put it in my purse." - Hayley

"Friend, I want you to talk to me as though I were your man friend." - Monique, concerning a risque anecdote

"I think taking your underwear off would only make things worse at this point." - Zach, to Little Nick

"The heat hurts my chafe." - Little Nick, while searching for party barge parts in the warehouse which was roughly 117 degrees

"I'll have you know that the fruit snacks put a roofie in my drink!" - Dustin

"Use your new knife to cut porkchop." - Mark, "Which one?" - Matt, "How many porkchops do you see?" - Mark

"Looks like you've got yourself an educated tongue." - Moe, to Little Nick

"Perhaps I'm forgetting what exactly your 'juice' was earlier." - Zach, to Big Nick

"See what happens when you put Black Ice on your arm!" - Big Nick, on the dangers of overexposure to air freshners of undetermined scents

"Thanks. I appreciate a nice heads up when it concerns 'coon urine'." - Zach, to Big Nick, after Nick warned him that there was a plan afoot to douse him in said coon urine

"Don't let me know that I'm not fashionable right now." - Little Nick, pleading with Zach after deciding to keep/wear a pair of sunglasses that a customer left behind

"If I can make an Icthyasaur joke each day . . . then I consider that to be a good day."- Zach

"His name is Psultapuss. He was small. But first. And there's a song about him." - Peter, on insisting about the origin behind the "first dinosaur"

"Well I had to 'ham & eggs' my way over here so . . ." - Peter, "Wait, did you just say, 'ham & eggs'?" - Zach, "Yeah. I just made it up. I'm going to start using it. What do you think?" - Peter, "What do I think? I think I love it." - Zach

"Friend, it's my security Misty." - Zach, to Kate, in explaining why he wouldn't let go of his precious Cherry Mister Misty Freeze

"Dustin may have 'Thunder' & "Lightning' but I have 'God' and . . . 'God's Wife'!" - Little Nick, examining his biceps on the eve of (yet another) battle with Senor

"Friend . . . you're big . . . and blocking." - Kate, lazily protesting that Zach was blocking the fan's cooling breezes from reaching her and Andrea

"Friend, sometimes I have to use the big wig on my backside, if you know what I mean." - Monique

"I thought I had red sores all around my mouth, but it turned out I had just drank a lot of fruit punch." - Zach

"Once you get to the '-embers', it's all over." - Dustin, discussing that once September hits, his time to join the Navy (December) will be much closer

"Friend, I wish you had some ice cream pastures to rub on my swollen lymph nodes." - Monique

"Did you really expect a *different* reaction from Joyce after you told her that your gatorade bottle doubles as a nipple juicer?!" - Zach, to Little Nick

"I think I burnt my testicle." - Little Nick, after spending a prolonged period of time under the pontoon cover in 90+ degree heat

"Hey Muffintitssssssssssssssss . . . aroni." - Dustin, to Zach, trying to get out of saying something ridiculously inappropriate once he realizes there is a customer behind him

"Try not to step on the gleeking can of tuna." - Zach's advice to Dustin

"I kind of have a tongue of many colors. Like the coat of many colors. But not a coat. A tongue." - Zach, to Kate, explaining how the intense amounts of Gatorade have changed his tongue color

"I don't want to have to fight for my 1' X 1' square of pool space while rubbing up against everyone else's unrubbables." - Zach, to Kate, in discussing the downsides of public pools on sunny days

"Friend, you didn't have to threaten batteries!" - Kate, after Zach threatened to throw batteries at her if she didn't vacate his room

"Cleaning boats like a catcher is tough. Now I know why Varitek has big legs." - Little Nick

"Is your dad from like, Asia . . . and stuff?" - Little Nick, to Zach, after finding out his Dad has a talent for making vodka watermelon baskets (not that it makes the quote more logical or anything)

"High fives all around for kayaks!" - Big Nick, during the unloading/stacking of kayaks with Matt, Little Nick and Zach, "Um, Zach . . . look." - Matt, pointing to the Interstate Battery delivery driving in, "Batteries. Sweet. Hooray for Bobby Labonte." - Zach, invoking the name of Interstate's NASCAR darling, "I think this calls for another round of high fives!" - Big Nick

"Of course it's hot! It's called the 'el diablo'!" - Zach, to Big Nick, explaining the high temperature of a kayak

"The reason my boobs are so big is because I work them out a lot." - Little Nick

"Nature can be fun." - Mountain Man, "Like boobs?" - David Wain, "Nature can also be dangerous." - Montain Man, "Like fire boobs?" - Mike Showalter, from Stella

"Cat-Dragons don't go in Bouncy Castles, they guard Bouncy Castles!" - Zach, to Kate, explaining Kenichi's role

"Aren't nymphos like . . . mermaids?" - Dustin

"It smelled like Eve took a dump in there." - Peter, describing a room in his new house before they cleaned it up

"He really tweedle dee-ed that ball." - Peter, on a precarious catch by Johnny Damon, "I like how he ham & eggs-ed his way across centerfield to do it." - Zach, "On that note, I guess I'll just steak & cheese my way to the kitchen." - Peter

"I asked for a pen. Not a 'gay stick'." - Zach, to Peter

"Are we talking strictly chips or are we including the 'munchie family'?" - Monique

"I hate windmills. You might as well lick a sandbox." - Monique, on a childhood not-so-favorite after school snack

"Friend, would you like to come over after work and meet a little red friend?" - Aly, on the Johnny Walker Red, her new kitten

"Wanna hear a sweet joke?" - Zach, "Ok." - Little Nick, "What kind of spell turns you into a dinosaur?" - Zach, "I don't know. - Little Nick, "A Tyrannosaurus Hex." - Zach, "Ohhhhh, that is baaaaadass." - Little Nick

"I hate it when my feet get a-tanglied." - Kate, wrestling with a blanket

"Are you telling me that Dave Coulier-lookin' hunk of roast is dating a parapalegic?!" - Zach, commenting on a "very special" episode of Real World: Austin

"Friend, this Barqs is gonna go rip roarin' through me like a pack of wolverines." - Kate

"How many people does it take to clean that boat?" - Dustin, to Big Nick, Little Nick, and Zach, "Like, 10 guys." - Big Nick, "And your mom." - Zach, "Shut up." - Dustin, "And it's not the first time there's been 10 guys and your mom." - Zach, "I'm telling Joyce." - Dustin

"I'm going to be the Jackie Robinson of 'America's Next Top Model'." - Dustin

"Who made you boss of the definition of the word 'downtrodden'?" - Monique, to Zach

"I'm going inside to get the Wasp Killer." - Big Nick, "But they're already frozen! They're dead!" - Zach, "That's the best time to kill them!" - Big Nick

"Hey Mickey, want a smoke? I've got Snyders!" - Little Nick, to Zach, who he (along with Dustin) was calling "Mickey" all day due to Zach's "Mickey's Malt Liquor" shirt, while chewing on a Snyder's of Hanover pretzel stick that he was fashioning as a cigarette. Yeah. This is my life.

"I almost barfed up my macaroni & cheese wedges. But I love them so much, so it'd be wasteful." - Kate

"If there were Bible Adventures buddy icons, I'd probably shit myself a shit sandwich right here and now." - Zach, to Brad

"Bats killed Jesus." - Zach, "What?!" - Mark, "That's why people hate bats. Because they killed Jesus." - Zach, "I thought the Catholics killed Jesus?" - Little Nick, "Yeah. The Catholics and the bats." - Zach

"Can you please, for one second, stop re-enacting scenes from 'Hook'?" - Zach, to Little Nick, after he got punchy and started chanting Rufio!, Rufio!, Rufio! to the trailer hitches

"That sound you just made is known to cause birth defects in California. And California is gonna be so pissed." - Zach, to Little Nick

"For kindas, lilac mallsies!" - Kate, to Zach, concerning Sin City

"I'd eat that, but I think it's past the Five Day Rule." - Titie, on a green skittle found on the living room floor, deposited there by Kate, days earlier

"Friend, are you still sipping on that nip?" - Monique, to Zach, on his slow approach to some Mentholmint Schnapps

"You honestly called your Dad 'Smokey McSmokerstein'?" - Matt F., "Of course not Matt. I'm not Jewish!" - Zach

"You had me at various meats and cheeses." - Kate, on Don's lasagna

"We either need to have less desserts or more hands with which to feed me the desserts." - Kate

"Is it my imagination or do the majority of quotes attributed to Kate involve foodstuffs?" - Rick, "It's not your imagination." - Kate

"Knowing her it'll morph into 'Strip Croquet'." - Rick, on Monique's unique talent to turn even the most innocent of games into debauchery on a level that would make Caligula squirm

"The Italians were not friendly." - Mrs. Curtis

"That's not a keg! That's Titie!" - Monique, with a quote that brought her much shame for the rest of the evening

"Kate, I like you for two reasons. One, you're tall, and that can't be taught. Two, you're classy." - TC

"I hope no one goes outside again, because I may have broke wind." - Kate

"Thank God Fred is God." - TC, on Fred's divine beruit abilities

"It's just my . . . 'restin' cup'." - Zach, trying to justify being caught cheating at beirut . . . again, "I'll rest a cup on your noggin'!" - Rick

"Give him an N.P.!" - Zach, to Monique, suggesting to give Rick a nerve pinch, "A Nonkey Punch?" - Monique

"Is it sad that there aren't two other people on this planet as excited about the release of Ducktales on DVD as you and I?" - Zach, to Fred

"Monique is just about to hang some ham for the general population to view." - Jeff

"Friend, you taste like a dandelion sausage. I don't like you anymore." - Kate, to Zach

"This is the only time that we'll be able to see Mars in 500 years." - Roy, " . . ." - TC

"I've eaten more sausage tonight than Elton John has in the last 20 years." - Matt F.

"You know the rules about yelling 'Team Nonkey Punch'!" - Zach, to Kate & Monique

"Zach, where did tape go?" - Ben, with one of the more lucid statements he made at the tailend of the festivities

"I now have a bag of 23 dead frozen mice. So that should take care of me for at least 4 months." - Andrea, on her new pet snake's diet

"That's like saying that if Fat Jen was bright colored and stripey then she would be cool and sweet." - Hayley, "It would be NOTHING like that." - Zach, trying to talk up the merits of Andrea's new Honduran Tangerine Milksnake

"You know, I didn't think you'd be able to top 'bag of 23 dead frozen mice' so soon, but you've managed to do so with, 'As I pulled into the driveway, he vomited up a 3 day old dead mouse.'" - Zach, to Andrea

"Hey, you know how I like to breathe in chemicals?" - Little Nick, " . . . I guess." - Zach, "Well, I just had a Simple Green Fantasy in the bathroom." - Little Nick

"Knowing you has made me want to be a better person." - Little Nick, to Zach, after revealing that since meeting Zach, he was moved to read a book from start to finish

"Frankenfish has got to be in the Top 3 worst ways to die." - Zach, to Kate

"New Testament is for losers." - Zach

"Ewwww. Earwigs!" - Zach, "More like 'ear-NOT.'" - Peter, "More like 'ear-ALWAYS.'" - Zach, while discovering a colony of earwigs in Peter's basement

"You don't want any of your hats?! You don't want any of your pills?! This is bullshit!" - Zach, to Dustin, frustrated that the pills and hats he has stolen from Dustin over the last few months are unsuccessful bargaining chips in his quest to make Dustin give up one of his apples. I'm sorry. I'm very poor and I'm very hungry.

"I had a dream about Kid Icarus the other day. I wish I never woke up." - Zach, to Brad

"I try not to drink other sodas, because then I feel like I'm cheating on Diet Coke." - Stacey

"Hey! That's the last cheesy, saucy, meaty, bready thing! You told Peter you were going to get him one!" - Zach, on seeing Kate grasp the last treat, "I AM giving it to Peter . . ." - Kate, "My bad." - Zach, " . . . because it has a hair on it." - Kate

"I finally figured it all out. They need it to incubate their larvae!" - Peter

"If I had to put money on it, I'd say Zach could be found over at the cheese table." - Stacey

"If her and cheese get together, I'm never talking to cheese ever again! - Zach

"Every time I went to sample something that Kate has already tried I found a little tag on the plate that said, 'Sold Out - Time to Re-order'." - Zach, on the coincidence that food plates managed to extinguish themselves after Kate would breeze by them

"Did Kate eat all of those treats?!" - Andrea, "No! I only had one . . ." - Kate, "cough cough" - Zach, " . . . dozen." - Kate, face full of a stange mixture of shame and pride

"Brooke, we're all out of those jello shots . . . no wait, there may be one more . . . ok, yes, fantastic, I found three of them . . . maybe even four." - Stacey, who was somehow continuing to lose/find jello shots in my car on the way from Eliot to Rollinsford

"I feel kind of gay." - Peter, "You're not gay! You're just feeling the music! - Brooke, after Peter couldn't stop grooving to Gorillaz

"I heard that 'March of the Penguins' movie is based on a true story." - Nanny

"She's the Mac Tool of the Dykes in this Craftsman world we live in." - Dustin, to Zach

"You gettin' some gold stars on your fridge for that Mark?" - Zach, on Mark's big sales, "That's between me and my fridge." - Mark

"The pro to using Pert is that it's a shampoo & conditioner in one. The con is that it makes me smell like Tim Curtis." - Zach

"What is this? God damned Lover's Lane?!" - Kate, regarding all the couples walking on her street

"A person who goes to DQ and orders just a vanilla cone should be burned at the stake." - Zach

"It smells like college in here." - Zach, on Kate's apartment, much to her dismay

"If you mix old batteries with new batteries they create half breeds . . . after they have intercourse." - Kate, bone sober

"If I was a girl and I saw Gabe Kapler I would sink my claws right into him." - Dustin

"Photoshop is my secret lover." - Zach

"Oh no! I got water sealant in my zit!" - Little Nick

"The words 'dental dam' have come up far too frequently for my liking." - Zach, at the Diamond Mines

"The day 'Sylvanian Family' comes out on DVD is the day my new life begins." - Brad, to Zach

"Sometimes I make the pig family fight the koala family. This . . . is my life." - Zach, to Brad

"Peter, you're not going to eat anymore?" - Aaron, "No, I filled up on catterpillars and grubs earlier." - Peter

"There's not nearly enough thorax in this appetizer." - Zach

"You must know that Tim and I have always looked at you as the Krang to our Bebop and Rocksteady." - Peter, to Zach

"Let me just make sure I'm clear. You thought you had a hernia, but in reality, you just had to take a really big shit?" - Zach, " . . . yes." - Dustin

"The cows are laying down. There must be trouble." - Rick, "It pains me that I understand you." - Zach

"She has a hernia? What'd she do, lift a pencil?" - Moe

"Zach! How are the bunnies?! Wait . . . you don't have the bunnies! I have the bunnies! Wait . . . I don't have the bunnies anymore." - "Bunny" Jill

"Give me nipples!" - Hayley, during a racous game of LCR

"Hayley just said, 'Give me nipples!'" - Aly

"You've been asking about you again!" - Dottie, about her doll she named after me asking about . . . me

"Dustin, if I fall off the roof while I'm painting and I die, do me two favors. One, make sure you console the many women at my funeral. Two, make sure Kenichi gets all my things. He's my only benificiary." - Zach

"You almost look like a ninja." - Mark, "Almost?! More like I am a ninja! - Zach, "You're eyes aren't slanted enough." - Mark, " . . . I got nothin'." - Zach

"Hey, Joyce. Taste the rainbow . . . of my burp!" - Zach, after burping up his skittles

"Friend, this doesn't taste like 'mucho fun'!" - Andrea, to Zach

"Fuckin' dim it, dude!" - Kate, angrily, to her interior car light, as we were waiting for it to dim, so we could continue being ghetto and making cocktails in pepsi bottles before going into the movie theater.

"Your bitterness is exceeded only by your smelliness." - Justin, to Zach

"Friend, I'm going to see 'Elizabethtown' tomorrow night because my 'Maura Tierney' is in it!" Hayley, to Zach, giving M.T. status to her stalker-level crush on Orlando Bloom. [I always love when my delusions become someone else's shorthand!]

"From your lips to faux Batman's ears!" - Zach, to Andrew

"Like, if I look at a reese's peanut butter cup he'll be like, 'you're pathetically devoid of self-control!'" - Andrew, on Jon

"One day you'll grow up to play Medea on Broadway . . . or Voodoo Mom in Frankenfish." - Andrew

"'Mac & Me' is on like 12 times a day. I was home sick the other day and it was like 'Mac & Me & ME.' But it left me thinking, why didn't I get a helpful alien when I was in a wheelchair for a year?! I got a dog! Which was subsequently given away when I began to recover." - Andrew

"I mean, come on Ghost Lepers! Are you Fire Ghosts? Water Ghosts? Ice Ghosts?" - Andrew, on the glaring plot inconsistencies in 'The Fog'

"Well, I guess you're the Maggie Grace to my Superman Junior." - Zach, to Andrew

"Fried chicken tonight [on your mama!] Fried chicken tonight [on your plate!]" - Zach's lyrics to a new song he "wrote" based more than loosely on The Guess Who's "No Sugar Tonight"

"You know, you should seriously consider watering that plant in your bathroom if you don't want it to die." - Ben Cole, "Ok. Wait . . . I have a plant in the bathroom?" - Zach

"What are you doing for your birthday?" - Zach, "Well . . . my mom is making some special sauces." - Little Nick

"Your new name is Justin "Manning" and I shall hate you with all the assumed bile that surname suggests." - Zach, to Justin

"I refuse to be your Walker: New Hampshire Ranger." - Zach, to Dustin

"Sometime I like to capture chipmunks to build self confidence." - Little Nick

"What the fuck? First your dad bogarts all my pigs-in-a-blanket! Now he eats the last of my apple crisp! I don't like him." - Kate, to Zach

"Ohhhh! Blueberry muffs!" - Kate

"Well good for me then that I brought my own bag of pretz!" - Kate

"It's cold out, so keep your mouth shut!" - Nanny's post-op advice on getting my wisdom teeth out

"You stimulated my nipple with liquid." - Little Nick, to Zach

"Stop! Listen, Steal Ringer Stealer!" - Little Nick, to Zach, after Zach pocketed the magic ring Nick found in the parking lot whilst the two of them lugged the giant clear bottom kayak bound for the Bahamas to the back of the shop to get shrinkwrapped

"I hear the Disney Store in Quincy Market has an animatronic Donald Duck in the window. That could kill like 2 hours." - Zach, to Brad, on safe activities for him to do with his father in Boston

"I'm driving home, no matter *what* that crucifix tells me!" - Zach, to Beth & Ryan, during a round of "spin the crucifix" to see which way it landed. Jesus Up = Zach drives home. Jesus Down = Zach stays the night. Hayley, please don't cry

"Remember, if you run across any trouble, just shine the Owl Signal into the sky." - Ryan, to Zach, in a way to further ridicule Beth's phenomenally large glasses

"It was like when Feivel went out west in American Tail 3, though why that big fucking cat followed him I'll never know!" - Zach, " . . . " - Justin, "I don't know. I just had a long drive." - Zach

"The best kind of burrito is a surprise burrito!" - Zach, "And the best kind of taco is a pink taco!" - Dustin

"I'm in the business of knowing zip codes!" - Big Nick

"Hey, you know what hamsters really like?" - Big Nick, "No, what?" - Zach, "Turkey Bacon." - Big Nick, "Um . . . ok." - Zach, "Not raw! Obviously." - Big Nick, telling tales about Stoner the Hamster. Yeah, it's no accident that the hamster's name is Stoner.

"Special K? I saw that position one time in a postion book." - Little Nick, after hearing Joyce, Mark and Zach talking about Special K. Though while they were talking about 2 definitions of the term [cereal & horse tranqualizers], neither were the definition Nick was referencing

"I could squeeze myself all day long and nothing would ever come out!" - Little Nick, explaining his lack of an ability to lactate

"This house has been Zach-proofed . . . for *her* pleasure." - Justin, explaining how everyone and everything works against me in his house

"Oh man, remember Golden Axe?! GOLDEN AXE?!? Oh man, that game was soooooo sweet. Do you remember how sweet it was? I'd always be the dwarf guy. Sometimes. Well, sometimes the warrior guy. Do you remember Golden Axe??" - Zach, "Friend, I didn't know this was gonna turn into 'The Chris Farley Show'. 'Do you remember that time that I had the axe? And it was precious metal? And it wasn't platinum?' God, enough about Golden Axe." - Justin, "God, I love Golden Axe sooo much." - Zach, " . . . I couldn't tell." - Justin

"If I was a Sith Lord, I would be 'Darth Awesome'." - Justin

"You're the peach to my honeydew melon." - Zach, to Big Nick, commenting on their shirt colors. The comment was meant to be slightly gay, but not nearly as gay as it came out

"Blondie for a friend?" - Kate, to Zach, offering up some of Pam's snackamunches while at the same time paying tribute to Monique's original quote [ see above - re: Shamrock Shakes ]

"Did you just say 'light modifier'?" - Kate, to Zach, misunderstanding his request to "take some orphans and light them on fire."

"Oh THAT'S how I got that stain! I didn't want my bun to get wet!" - Kate, and more of her hot dog cart-related tales from the Dominican

"Friend, thanks for that 'Fresh Prince' Interlude." - Kate, to Zach, at the Guster concert, after he tried serenading her with the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air theme song

"That ol' Lionel Richie Red Herring!" - Kate, after Guster used some Richie songs on the PA to fake people out that there was no 2nd encore

"That reminds me of a ringworm I had once." - Dustin, remarking on the Frisbee of the Future

"Pinky Swears are the highest of the promises. They're better than the Treaty of Versailles." - Dustin

"There must be a stinkbug around, because my penis is sting-y." - Dustin

"When a bell rings / An angel gets their wings / And when a stinkbug flies / Dustin's penis stings." - Zach, writing a song about Dustin's woes

"This is just like how my nightmare starts. I'm trapped in the back of the Warehouse Attic, cornered by you while you insist on showing me whether you have foreskin or not." - Zach, to Dustin, while they were supposed to be getting shovels

"A + for comedy friend . . . and deliciousness." - Kate, to Zach, after he showed up to her work with suprise pancake snackamunches

"It's these pancakes! They're making me crazy!" - Kate, as she made less and less sense the more pancakes she ate

"Don't make that be my glow-in-the-dark pussy yarmulke." - Zach, "Friend, that's my least favorite kind of yarmulke!" - Kate, arguing over the proper use of the Frisbee of the Future

"I think the first thing I did wrong was cleaning the labia with ajax." - Dustin, in yet another quote that has sprung forth due to the intoxicating oddity that is the Frisbee of the Future

"Don't get too excited. After all that sugar intake, Kate and I almost died from diabetic shock." - Zach, "But friend, that's my favorite kind of dying!" - Hayley, in discussing the dangers of Andrea's imminent arrival with mucho Puerto Rican sugar snacks

"Don't forget to try the Bimbo Coco!" - Andrea, "Bimbo Coco?! That's my favorite kind of Coco!!" - Shannon, during the tasting of aforementioned sugar snacks

"Brad, I swear to God, if I find out that the family ends up going to Christmas Island for Thanksgiving I will immediately decide that they all taste like a burger and that I don't like them anymore." - Zach

"Where are you?" - Zach, "Lisa's." - Kate, "Weeks'?!?!" [pronounced 'Week-sis'] - Zach, "LISA'S!" - Kate, "WEEKS'?" - Zach, "Wheat Thins?!?!" - Kate, "WHAT - Wheat Thins?" - Zach, "Lisa's!" - Kate, "Ohhhh, Bisa's." - Zach, during a very difficult cell phone conversation

"It involved sexual hang ups, role playing, and papier mache' pony heads." - Ryan H., "Obviously." - Zach

"Do you guys keep saying 'beer coupons'?" - Zach, to Beth & Ryan

"Who is Matthew McConaughey married to?" - Mom, "He's not. He's dating Penelope Cruz." - Zach, "God! Who HASN'T?!" - Mom

"You could give me a golden ticket and I still wouldn't step foot inside that damn factory." - Monique, on her neverending and deep-seated fear of Willy Wonka

"It would be better if she had been a flapper Flapper." - Ryan G., on a lovelorn story too tragic to detail

"Joyce, I feel like ever since I got back from New York we've been disconnected - like two ships passing in the night. Obviously I'm the high-powered cigarette boat and you're the garbage barge or tugboat." - Zach, to Joyce

"What's the point of pie if there's no lattice work?" - Kate

"Maybe I'll get in too deep. Like Omar Epps." - Beth, "It's ok. It happens. Even to Omar Epps." - Zach

"I hope you know you're an important cog in the wheel of progress for this company." - Mark, to Zach

"You know how some people are mean drunks? I think I'm a mean sober person. Sobriety fits me like a 4-fingered glove." - Zach

"What's a little treason between old friends?" - Jack Bristow

"Stop singing you hippy Fraggle bitches!" - Monique

"Last time I checked, Christmas Trees make pretty piss-poor Mister Mistys." - Zach, to Kate

"Oh, you eat your chapstick too?" - Little Nick, "Uh . . . no. I'm just putting some on." - Zach, "Oh . . . yeah . . . I don't eat it either." - Little Nick

I'm not really at a place in my life where I can be assembling unicycles." - Moron Wallakers Customer

"I just cut myself on hot chocolate." - Zach

"Joyce, you're never on my lasagna candy train!" - Zach

"Hannah, Jess is craaaazy. I mean - insane crazy." - Zach, "I know." - Hannah E., "Yeah, but, I mean, I think she's . . . crazy." - Zach, "I know, isn't it great?" - Hannah

"Thanks Jon. Now I'll never look at a Crown Royal bag quite the same way again." - Zach

"Do you guys know a good masseuse around here?" - Jon, with the "here" being "ROLLINSFORD"

"I'm not a sitar . . . don't play me." - Jon, to Peter, "Ok Neil Diamond." - Zach, to Jon

"I don't want to eat out. I just want some home cooked feet." - Jon, to Matt

"We got some major sudoka going on tonight, friend!" - Becca, to Zach

"Jon's gonna play it straight Ochmonek tomorrow." - Zach

"I just want a log home. That's all I want. Hey! No! Don't write *that* down! But . . . that is all I want." - Jon

"That would be funny if you were wearing Hitler's bunny suit." - Little Nick, to Zach

"Category 8? Is that what 'Plush' is?" - Kate, "Yes." - Zach, "My God, I still remember that shit." - Kate

"You know what really flips my noodle?" - Jimbo

"Friend, this tissue paper is too loud!" - Becca, "Friend, you're special." - Zach

"I'm as drunk as a boot." - Jim, the old Barley Pub drunk

"I'm the big fucking penny!" - Jon, after announcing that there's two kinds of people in the world: 'pennies' & 'nickels'.

"Have you ever eaten dog?" - Jon, " . . . I'm gonna . . . I'm gonna have . . . have to say . . . no." - Zach, "Because Jim (the drunk) here has! JIM HAS! And YOU haven't! 'Bow wow,' he says! He says, 'BOW WOW!'" - an increasingly inebriated Jon

"Dude, you're as sober as a doberman." - Jon, to Peter, trying to convince him he's good to drive

"You're wearing the glasses of a soberman pincer." - Jon, to Peter, further trying to convince him

"I actually just might be sober now since I just laughed so hard that I cried the alcohol out of my system." - Peter, in response to Jon's assertations

"Friend, I 'anti-heart' that!" - Kate, "Friend, I believe the term you are looking for is, 'hate'." - Zach

"You just disrespected that cookie!" - Kelly, to Zach, after dipping a pecan sandy into all 7 layers of a 7-layer dip

"Cookies are a 'sometimes food'." - Monique, to Zach

"It's too bad that Brian and Hannah have to get a divorce so I can steal Hannah away for her peanut butter bars." - Kate, to Zach

"You know how the first step is always a doozy?" - Hannah H.

"Hey, don't throw your drugs in *my* backyard!" - Monique

"Let's light him up!" - My Mom, on the prospects of making me do a patented Tim Curtis 'light your face on fire' shot

"A toast for Baby Girl! Happy New Year to Baby Girl!" - Ryan G., leading the charge for a group toast to the tin holding my cat's ashes. He is an evil, evil boy.

"If *ever* there was a 'book cooker' . . ." - Zach, on McKeen

"This sweater is Peter's from high school! People ask me where I got it. They say, 'American Eagle'? I say . . . 'no'." - Andrew, "More like 'American Beagle'." - Peter, "More like 'American Smeogal'." - Matt

"Oh Shasta McNasta!" - Jon, during a trying round of Estimation

"I give you . . . PONG!" - Peter

"I hate music today. There's just no melody anymore. It's sad." - Peter

"I also killed something by the time I was 23 years old . . . my youth." - Peter

"I hope you do all realize I'm totally monkey farged." - Peter, to Andy, Matt, Jon, and Zach

"Well that's a blarney for my carney." - Peter

"Why did you just spill the beans on the gnome?" - Peter

"There was some really coarse shit on that asparagus." - Matt

"That's what got me to the top you know, Zach. Volunteering for things." - Matt, "That's what got me into the Soup Kitchen." - Andrew

"Do I need to bring up the bubonic breeze?" - Peter

"I'm not the one staring at the ass-end of a rooster." - Matt, to Andrew

"Don't go to the Soda Shoppe or I'll cry!" - Kristen, after finding out we'd be going to the Soda Shoppe without her after the first Reunion meeting

"What would you like to drink?" - Soda Shoppe waitress, to Wentworth, "Do you serve beer?" - Wentworth, at 11:30 on a Monday morning.

"China's gonna take over us. They're just gonna. We're too damn dumb." - Nanny

"The Japanese are getting better than us." - Nanny, "At what?!" - Zach, "At EVERYTHING! Jezum Crimus!" - Nanny

"Some people eat a piece off of a gingerbread house. My brother Jon? He eats the entire front door." - Andrew

"Maybe she wants you?" - Donald, Titie's Dad, to Zach, "Well, that did it. Now I'm sterile." - Zach

"It smells like a gym sock had sex with a donkey back there." - Zach, to Big Nick and Chase, regarding the stench in the back of the sport shop

"If I ever bid one, know that I must have the Ace of Trump. Now, if I ever bid TWO, grab granny and get to the storm cellar!" - Andrew, on his Estimation skillz

"God dammit Jon, you're such a C . . . alliope player!" - Zach, to Jon, trying to avoid upsetting the girls by using a bad word after Jon screwed him during a round of Estimation, "The funny thing is? I am a calliope player." - Jon

"How come Mom & Dad get boring names as grandparents like 'Grampa and Grandma' and Donald and Corrie get to be 'Grizdad & Cornopoli'?!" - Andrew, on Evie's grandparents' nomenclatures

"Maybe she drizzled a little button of bibble babble." - Little Nick, suggesting that I may have accidentally gotten some whipped cream in my hot chocolate

"Well, let's go steal a baby! I'm Indian!" - Amy C.

"I was too busy babysitting YOUR frosting to pay attention to my own!" - Aly, defending her less than perfect frosting to Zach, whilst Amy, Shannon, Ben Cole, her and I made Christmas cookies

"I could totally be a movie star. You know I could! I just need . . . some make-up . . . and an agent." - Little Nick, to Zach

"What do you get when a monkey breeds with an Italian? Nothing. Monkeys don't care for Italians." - Mark

"Jon, I think you would have to admit: You were the Odie to my Garfield." - Peter, to Jon

"I thought you already finished that beer ages ago." - Zach, to Brian, "He was savoring the squirell piss." - Hannah, to Zach, "Actually, I was looking at boobs." - Brian, to Zach, regarding his perusal of the infamous "Snoecks '06"

"He's such a Chewbacca snob." - Rich, about Peter, "He's an elitist." - Jon, in agreement with Rich

"Did Peter mention that I kicked his ass at Scrabble the other day?" - Jon, "Well, if someone hadn't been getting hand-jobbed by his younger brother . . ." - Peter, in a statement where he clearly mis-spoke, but with no clarification ever coming, this was followed by about 10 minutes of straight laughter

"He got all Noam Chomsky on us just then." - Peter, about Jon

"You fucking Italy beer drinking motherfucker." - Rich, to Brian

"He can't drink right now. He's playing his beer flute." - Hannah, about Brian

"You're such a dainty stepper!" - Hannah, to Rich

"I look like a friggin' mohair snowman!" - Hannah

"Brian, you look like the man humping the adobe!" - Hannah, in yet another reference to the infamous "Snoecks '06"

"Count Dooku, can I munch on your feet?" - Rich, to Zach

"That's my cigarette." - Rich, "But I'll be having more than a few puffs of it." - Brian

"This glass is very polka-dotty . . . and it's freaking me out." - Brian, to Peter

"Am I all about the hydration?" - Brian, to Hannah, "You are ALL about the hydration!" - Hannah, to Brian

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