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He Be Not Man, He Be . . . Ortiz

2004-10-19 - 12:25 p.m.

Putting All The Prayers In My Prayer Sack For: The Red Sox

Listening To: The Name Of This Band Is Talking Heads

Quote:"I swear to God, if Bellhorn gets a hit here, I'll buy a Bellhorn t-shirt. And wear it." - Justin

Sweet crap on a crutch.

These Red Sox are surely lining the pockets of New England's cardiologists, eh?

Justin calls from last night's game, yelling over the insane crowd, "FRIEND! IF I DIE TONIGHT, MAKE SURE YOU SPREAD MY ASHES AT FENWAY PARK!"


Apparently, while FLYING is one of M. Bellhorn's magic powers, hitting is not in his bag of tricks

But insane sideways, on the ground, upside-down, over the river and through the woods catches seem to be T. Nixon's magic of choice

Oh he tries. God knows he tries. Johnny. Johnny, what's wrong? What more do you want from me?! I all but renounced Daubach (don't worry Brian, different Daubach!) and accepted you as my personal savior, under the strict understanding that you WOULDN'T go into the worst slump of your career with an average that is lower than my Algebra II grade! A bunt is one thing. A rotten bunt is all together different. Let's just hope that you can get on base in some clutch situation and run home to the loving arms of Man-Cave-Itch on some miracle game winning Ortiz hit or something . . .

Oh sweet God - is this just what the Dr. Quickhands ordered?!?!

Yes. Yes it is. Damon you rascal. All basking in the glory of a win that you hardly had anything to do with. I like your style. And apparently so does our friend from Minnesota, Doug

Now what? Now we rest our entire lives and the fiber of our souls on whether Schilling's wearing expensive enough shoes. Man. I'd rather chew spiders than deal with all this insane business. Oh what am I talking about, I hate spiders. I'd rather go through this insanity every year than ever even look at spiders. Besides, imagine being a Brewers fan this time of year? At this point every October, they're getting ready for the annual "Laverne & Shirley" convention. Don't be jealous. It only encourages them.

I'll turn the rest over to Justin, who IM-ed me the following at 2:30 this morning when he got back from Fenway:

- crowd was amazing, on their feet from 1st inning to 14th
- that chant at Sheff was "who's your dealer?"
- Mienkiewcz knocked out a light on one of the foul balls before his double
- after Jeters triple. silent as a mourge
- lots of kicking and screming when Damon couldn't lay down a bunt
- after the win, nobody left for like half an hour, dancing, singing
- i was emontionally spent
- took an hour to get from fenway to the kenmore t stop
- Riot police everywhere, at least 150
- no riots though, everyone just having fun
- David Ortiz is the best guy ever
- best baseball game I've ever seen, live or on TV

There you have it. And now - tonight. We do it all over again. Red Sox, please win again. I'll be your best friend. Again.

It's been real,


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