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A Meta-Textual Gong Show

2004-09-13 - 8:13 p.m.

Newest Irrational Fear: Speed Dial #5

Listening To: INXS, Beck, Actual Tigers, Bruce Hornsby

Quote:"That's Canterbury for ya." - Peter, seeing a shirtless, joint smoking man driving in Canterbury

Ok - after all the sturm and drang that was weaseled in between and behind enemy lines in the last entry, I'm going to try for a soul cleansing entry this time around.

I'm going to attempt to write about things that are positive and make me happy.

Right, I know - this could possibly be the shortest entry known to Stuff & Things. The only rule will be that it has to make it happy and if I start to drift off into negatoryiness then I will buzz, nay - *BZZZZZ*, myself to the next subject. A meta-textual gong show if you will. And I will. So let's.

- Rich is coming down tomorrow and joining Ben, Peter, and me on a trip to Boston to meet Jimbo, Mike Lennon and Jimbo's friends Alex & Keith so we can go to a Sox game while Jimbo's in town. It should be quite fun. We'll be in centerfield, right behind ol' #18, and Pedro is pitching. As long as Alex & Keith don't get me talking about NewsRadio, which they had untold fun doing the last time I saw them, because I always start good been then I end up quickly devolving into a mire of hatred towards those monkeys at NBC, not to mention that whore of a wife of *BZZZZZ*

Just keep thinking good thoughts. Not sad NR-related thoughts, but happy Sox related thoughts

- Going out to lunch with my mother, Nanny, and Nanny's friend Elaine at Patrick's for Grandparent's Day yesterday. My mother says I need to think about getting a supplemental income and (jokingly?) suggests selling drugs. I think to myself, "How is she so absolutely bat shit insane? Please tell me it's not genetic." And then Nanny pipes in with what I think will be an admonishment but ends up being the suggestion that maybe I should 'look into being a pimp." And I think, "Fuck. It's definitely genetics." The whole business really got me good.

- The word "business". Everything is "business" with me right now. Sure, in a few months, probably more like weeks, it will be played out in the fashion of, "friend", 'frond", "that old chesnut", & the ever-so-concise rejoinder to someone saying, "That's impossible!": "No. It is possible. And it happened. On my shoes." For example:

"Aly, what is all this business on the back counter?"

"Peter, I don't like all this Zach never gets a clear card business."

"Andrea, what's with all the eating your weight in tacos business?"

"Kenichi, stop puking all that business all over my sheets."

You get the general idea.

- Wes Anderson movies. Stupid people's hate of these movies only makes me like them the more. And of course, a little Margaret Yang goes a long way.

A long way

- Going to the Chocolate Store to visit Secret Crush. For reals, I have been on fire lately with the making of the witty business with Secret Crush. Granted, Aly and Hal-y haven't really been helping with their cruel need to report to me everytime they see her craptastically foul boyfriend. And they seem to fear me when I go off about how I simply want to rip his flesh off with my laser eyes and feed him to a *BZZZZZ*

- Seeing Amy Bunker. Yeah. No fucking shit. That Amy Bunker. As in the girl I had the biggest crush on ever in middle school. I won't go into the history of it now, since I already did way back here. Seriously. I almost passed out from shock. I didn't even recognize her and she certain as fuck didn't recognize me. She was in town, from California, for her sister's wedding. She was in the Wallakers and she paid with her credit card. I saw the name. Looked at her again. Could this tall girl with the long dirty blond hair in pig tails with tattoos and a decidely hippie flair be the same girl that my middle school heart was so agog about? After a series of bumblings between the two of us slowly trying to figure out if the other one was really who we thought it was we realized that yes, we both were who we actually were. This was a bit more than a week ago and I'm still not sure it actually happened. I mean, I hadn't seen this girl, and had almost zero contact with her since June '92. We exchanged e-mail addresses at the store but I've yet to had the balls to e-mail her since I'm scared it will bounce back and say the address doesn't exist and I will have dreamt the whole thing. But I did take seeing her as a sign. It reminded me of the person I used to be a long time ago and that I should try to take one last stab at being that person again. Did it work? *BZZZZZ*

- Two, I say TWO new Teen Girl Squads!!!! I'm . . . hesitant.

- Getting Peter & Titie hooked on not only Y: The Last Man (or just "Y" for us vets) but Fables as well! Two new addicts! Hooray. Huzzah even. Don't believe me?

- Augusten Burroughs' "Running With Scissors". Beth lended it to me months ago and I've just now gotten around to reading it. Definite Sedaris vibe. But definitely not letting my mother read this one. And definitely not Hayley either. If Hal-Y couldn't handle Bite Club, she won't be able to stomach this.

- Amy Sedaris getting cast as Gladys Kravitz in the Bewitched movie.

- Real World: Philidelpia actually surprising me in not looking like a total suck-fest. But it's only been one episode. Give it time people. Give it time and it shall soon suck as bad as that 130 episode long advertisement for why you should avoid Nevada like the plague, Real World: Las Vegas. Don't get me started on ski-dancing and *BZZZZZ*

- The Name Of This Band Is Talking Heads. God damned this 2-disc live CD is fucking incredible. I would marry if there wasn't already such a long line of inanimate objects on my list to marry. Such as a certain Spider-Man action figure with 67 points of articulation. ["Get in line" - Al-Y]

Hmmmmm. That didn't go as bad as I thought it would. We should try this again in another 164 entries.

It's been real,

Santos L. Halper

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