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Choose Your Own Fucking Adventure

2004-09-09 - 11:47 a.m.

My Feeling On The Torpedos?: Damn them!

Listening To: The Pixies, Willie Nelson, TH

Quote: "I accidentally bit this black baby instead of an animal cracker." - Brad

So now what?

I mean, seriously, now what?

The party is over. Oh man, is it ever over.

You've all got me back. It seems like I've been gone forever, doesn't it? I mean, first there was that extremely well received entry by/about Coty and then that little ditty that was yesterday's entry - but now it looks like you've got me back in full - 100% - from concentrate even.

So now what? What am I supposed to write? I mean, I can crack a few jokes. Here's one:

What's the only thing worse than one of your friends betraying you? Give up? More than one of your friends betraying you! Hoo boy - that's a side-splitter right there.

Now - I should apologize. That's no way to start off an entry. Vitriol and venom and vinagaroons. No no no. Besides - I think it's my fault. I think some of my parts are broken. Specifically the ol' Spider-Sense. I think it's been a bit rusty to be honest. I mean, sure, it still goes off like a fucking clanging bell when bitchbags come to work to get 7 bellybanks wrapped. I mean, I said it was rusty not BROKEN. But you know how Spider-Man's spider-sense can't pick up Venom? Due to that whole alien symbiote business? Yup - I knew you knew. Well, I think I've gotten so used to all these symbiotes that you tend to forget all the times they've tried to eat your brains in the past. You'd think that's something one wouldn't forget! But heck, you know me, I'd forget my honor & loyalty if it wasn't tied on! Ha ha. Oh my. At least I'm getting my sense of humor back. Thank God! I mean, girls love a good sense of humor. Maxim tells me so. I just hope next month's Maxim does a story on friends that you've been loyal to your whole entire life going behind your back so they can . . . well stab you I suppose. It's kind hard to stab someone in the back unless you're behind them. So yeah. I think I need to send my Spider-Sense in to the shop for a while. Maybe I'll get a free Clint Black CD in the deal! A boy can dream, can't he?

- Um . . . yeah. I'm not touchin' that paragraph with a ten foot fuckin' ninja pole . . .

Oh my! Where are my manners?! Here I am! Time for fun! There simply isn't enough room on the internet for me to detail the wacky hi-jinx I've been up to lately. I suppose the fun really started 3 1/2 weeks ago when I got bit in the eye by a spider. Oh how I wish I was joking. But spiders causing occular disfunction isn't something to trifle with! Oh my no! Heck, I've been battling these invisospiderninjas since last November! Nothing if not tenacious, those invisospiderninjas! So yeah - my eye lid was all swolleny and burny and itchy. Made for some good times, you can imagine. Around this time, with all the planning for the "Best Birthday Party Ever" (TM) in its final stages, I went up to New Hampton to the DuBois Estate to visit with the DuBois Five. Annie wasn't going to be able to make it to the party (looking back, she's lucky) so we arranged for to go visit her while she was visiting her parents the weekend before. I hadn't been there for a couple years, so it was nice to see Nancy & Gord, and with Megan and Matt thrown in as well - well, it was just gravy. But you just know that Rufus was gravy on the gravy! We had lasagna and Annie made ice-cream cake that was really fucking good. But I mean, come on, it's ice cream cake - I ain't gonna be picky! I took pictures with my "regular" camera (due to, at the time, it being my "only" camera). I should have those pics soon.

Then Hurricane Farmer hit these shores shortly thereafter, and well - to be honest - things haven't been the same ever since. Peter & Jon red-eyed it all the way up here from West Palm and showed up in Rollinsford around 5 AM the Tuesday before my birthday. This was post-Charley and pre-Frances. Jon just left earlier this week. Titie and Mindy came up for the weekend of my party and holy sassafrass was I surprised! I was sweating my ass off in my room feverishly trying to get the house cleaned in time for the party and *blammo!*, here come Titie and Mindy running up the stairs! Color me six shades of . . . well, surprised. I already said that though. I could already tell it was going to be a crazy weekend. And when Flat Eric is involved, you just know you can ratchet up the craziness by three-fold.

Don't believe me? Well then check out these crazy photos from the party and tell me that Flat Eric doesn't increase the zaniness when he's involved. He's kinda hard to see in the last photo, so look extra hard!

Rich & Julie show Rex how it's done

The gang takes in some Beirut

Notice, if you will, in this modern day Wallakers kick-line, that Hayley is about to rip Bryan's face off if he keeps hitting her with the wiffle ball bat

Aaron & Kelsey square off against Justin & Cameron in a Cute Baby Contest - I think the audience was the true winner here

Surely that's not K-Slopp drinking beer with Don as his co-conspirator?!

Sigh. My dad hightailing it out of the party on his hog. He'd have his revenge on me seven days later. Boy howdee, would he ever

Is it actually possible that Jeff is the only person who's paying attention?

Shan-Y & Al-Y play it safe in the basement with the Buddy System

Awww, Ellen, Fred & Peter make such a cute couple!

Mindy & Peter, in a shocking turn of events, decide to drink some beer! (ps - don't get too attached to that basement window!)

Al-Y cheats on Alex with Peter Parker

Here's Flat Eric's big pic, and look how everyone is making pretend they don't know the truth. They're making pretend they don't know that he's the Secret Lover. Whose Secret Lover? He's all of our Secret Lover

Yeah. So that's it for pictures on parade for right now. There'll be more soon. I promise. Besides, there were some goodies in yesterday's entry from the party. So you can always quench your thirst, as it were, there if you'd like. And of course, I shouldn't miss this opportunity to thank Monique for being such a good friend and organizing the whole camera shenanigans. Apparently there were quite a few of you "in on the take" with my new Sony digital camera. I very much appreciate it, and in time, hope to thank all of you personally. But sometime it's difficult to just come out and say what you mean. And sometime . . . not so much.

So now what? My car is still broken, I need to return the van this weekend, and I think I've got a touch of ebola. When it rains, it pours, huh?

So now what?

It's been real,

Sherlock Hemlock

ps - My goatee is getting to be more trouble than it's worth. Do I shave it or keep up the struggle at least through the World Series?

As far as the last poll, it was a tie for first - at 7 votes and 23% of the vote a piece, "Fred tries to sell stolen (and expired) baby food" and "Hal-Y and B Rog forget to apply for the proper permit for their Baptism pool". Sad to say that neither happened.

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