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Irish Transvestites Babysit Spider-Man

2004-06-29 - 8:00 a.m.

Newest Addition To My Shit List: Chives

Listening To: Pearl Jam, TH

Quote: "I'm sorry I'm not excited for your potato cheesiness." - Becca

Ready? Quick. Go!

#1. It was Moth Balls. Like Moth "Bawls", get it? Cry = Bawl. 3 Cry = Bawls? Whatever. I don't write this shit. Well, I mean I write this shit, just not that shit. Got it?

#2. I feel I left out an important detail in the whole "singing to a cat no longer alive" business from the last entry. Not only were we singing to her with the gusto of caked-up kids at a 7-year old's birthday party, but my mother has placed the little TIN WITH THE ASHES IN IT RIGHT NEXT TO THE CAKE AS WE WERE SINGING.

#3. So Andrea and I went to Rick's show last Thursday in Franklin. And by "Rick's show", I mean the show he was producing/directing, "The Rocky Horror Show". And by "Franklin", I mean "Skanklin". I can't tell you how many of my friends uttered to me, "You're on your way to where?! Franklin?!?! Why the fuck would you do that?!" I know. Scandalous. Like all shows Andrea and I go to, we sat next to Ellen & Rachel Giguere. God, I hadn't seen Rachel since . . . well, 24 hours earlier as we sang to my dead cat. We sat behind Rick's mom and his sister Stephanie. G.B. was there filming the play. I certainly did feel like I had entered a time warp indeed. Bah! Damn, I'm good. Except you know, if it really had been a time warp to high school, Andrea wouldn't have been there. And if she had, well, I don't know, that would've been weird. Ok, no more hypothetical time warping scenario's. It hurts Zach's brain. The show was great. They undertook the rather large challenge of each of them having there own headset/microphone thingy, and it pretty much worked out. When we first arrived, they ask you if you've ever seen the show performed live. If you haven't, you get a big red "V" scrawled on to your head in bright red lipstick. Yeah. I was not wanting this. So I was on my feet and pleaded to Rick (who was in the background, demanding that Tito lipstick me, and quick) that he should remember when I went with him and Monique to see it in Portsmouth. Rick claimed he remembered (which is amazing, since I didn't go with them - oops, sorry Rick, my bad.) and before they could assault Andrea with cosmetics I jumped in that she had seen it too. As Andrea and I walked in to the theater to find seats I thought to myself, "Who would be dumb enough to actually admit that they hadn't seen the play before?" I didn't have to wonder long, as we quickly saw 1/2 of the Family Giguere and there was Rachel, looking at us with a look usually reserved for unscrupulous Pizza Express workers - and on her forehead, a large red "V" emblazoned across it. "Guess who hasn't seen this show?" purred Rachel ever-so-demurely. Oh that Rachelle, what a card! Andrea and I had seen several of the cast in other show's that Rick has been in, but most of them were new faces. The stand-out to any Rocky Horror is of course Frank-N-Furter, and this show was no different. Deciding to play the character not just as a carbon copy of Tim Curry, but instead the cosmic love child of David Bowie and Eddie Izzard is an exemplary decision. Not to say I'm in the know enough to know this was what they did. But that's the vibe I got. And apparently Andrea enjoys such a vibe, because she's now added Jesse, who played the part, to her list of people to stalk. Who am I to judge? I'm a stalker of the highest caliber. And of course, just as in other versions of the production, audience members were encouraged to shout back at the people on stage during key lines. Which was just short of scandalous enough to have an older couple walk out 10 minutes into the show because they'd had it up to "here" with all the "monkey business". Just how much monkey business did this show have? Take a gander at the following pic and you'll probably have a pretty good idea:

#4. So after having travled back to the Lakes Region 2 days in a row, I figured there was no better way to spend Friday then to use the comp ticket Rick gave me to GO BACK AND SEE THE SHOW AGAIN. I mean, cause you know, gas ain't expensive or anything lately. This time, I went with knowledge that a.) I could honestly get out of the lipstick this time, b.) the promise of some potential Patrick's peeps there and, c.) the possibility of going for drinks with assorted cast members and Rick after the show. I like drinks. This time around, the converted Franklin City Hall being devoid of any Gigueres or Brockelmans, I sat with Mike, Rick's friends from Mass. You rememeber Mike, from waaay back here! Oh, my orange shirt, the memories . . . all sad.

The show was even better the 2nd time around. The place was packed Friday night and there were even more people dressed up in costume yelling assorted "Asshole"'s and "Slut"'s at the stage. A real family friendly show you know? How family friendly? About this much:

Yeah, so no real Patrick's peeps showed up. Well, not any that I knew, save Erica LaTouche and Kendra. And Kendra makes pretend she knows me less and less everytime I see her, so I've stopped going out of my way to remind her that she does, in fact, know me. After the show, as originally suggested, we went out for drinks. But we drank not in Franklin - oh no. (Well, who can blame us?) But in Plymouth! Because, you know, that's on my way home. My way home to where I'd have to work at 9:30 the next morn. So we went to Plymouth and had a good time, even though I was seen as the high-falutin' city boy who played Beirut with ping pong balls opposed to the COINS that they played it with. Yeah, those crazy PSU (nee PSC) kids. It was fun to see/talk to everyone in their "street" clothes. Most of them were nothing like their characters. Which, I suppose, is good. Since that would make most of them sexaholic transvestives from Transexual. Not that there's anything wrong with that. Anyway, it was a fun time had by all. Even made more fun when I got back home at THREE-THIRTY in the morn. Yeah, I was definitely at my best at work the next morning.

#5. But it was Saturday night where all the real fun was to be had. After a quick drink in Portsmouth with the Sisters Culkin, I met Kate at Justin and Renee's in Rochester and we attempted to babysit Cameron. And by "attempted" I mean, "watched him cry everytime I wasn't within 2 feet of him", "watched him rip up Daddy's Entertainment Weekly's for fun", "watched him continually bonk me on the head with Kate's phone", and "have both Kate and Zach freak the fuck out when we realized the inevitable: We were going to have to change his diaper. Lest Cameron grow up and have to read this horrifyingly embarrassing chapter in his still so short life, I will not detail it other than to say that Kate and I are the worst babysitters in the world (moreso Kate, remember, she tries to maim Todd on every occassion we babysit for Andrea!) and that 3 Men and a Baby (nor a Little Lady) have got nothin' on me and Kate. For shame. But we ate Chinese Food while we watched little 8 1/2 month old Cameron! Hooray for Chinese Food!

#6. Who's got tickets for tonight's midnight showing of Spider-Man 2? Oh I don't know, just someone named ME! Can you believe it's been so long

since the first one? Oh, we were knee deep in wedding season and Pete and Repeat back in those days. Hell, when aren't we knee deep in wedding season around these parts?! Anyway, Spider-Man 2 is so gonna fucking rock. I said it. FUCKING ROCK. Because it is. You know. It's gonna fucking rock.

#7. Meanwhile, over in Ireland . . .

Ok, that's it for now. Going to see Ben Folds/Guster/Rufus on Thursday in LA with Rick (only to see it again in Boston on the 11th), and did I mention something about FINALLY having a Red Sox game on the horizon? I didn't? Well, I'll talk about that next time. And seriously, I think I'm turning feral since Ben left for Ireland. I eat off bowls on the floor and have been dressing myself in old newspaper and packing tape. Well, I guess nothing's really changed then.

It's been real,

Darby O'Gill

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