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Bite Size Morsels: Ketchup On Bagels Just Boggles

2004-06-20 - 9:07 p.m.

Person Who Is Ditching On Wednesday: Rick

Listening To: RHCP, The Pixies

Quote: "This job's sexist. The girls vaccum + clean ducks. The boys build + destroy." - Becca

What's this? What is THIS? The first multi-entry in one day since Macca's Back and Wayward Urine Sample?? I do believe it is!

Everyone's going to Ireland and I'm not. Ok, ok. Not EVERYONE. I mean I'm sure Tara Despres is staying stateside. But so am I! Boooo! It's not like I wasn't invited. Tim said they could stow me away in some sort of overhead compartment, but well, I'm like 5'10", so that would be mighty uncomfortable, ya dig? I told Ben to bring me back the Blarney Stone. He said he would. Isn't he the greatest?

Meanwhile, as if jetting off to Ireland wasn't bad enough, Liz calls me to tell me she's off on the reggae cruise for some down home Jamaican Smash. Man, she knows how to cut deep and twist the knife doesn't she?

Did I mention my love for that beautiful lassie Jodi? I did? Well, it can't hurt to mention it again. Oh, PLUS, I have a new secret crush! I don't know which # this is, I kind of lose track. But she works at a Dunkin' Donuts in the area and while I'm pretty sure she speaks fluent English, she definitely isn't from 'round these parts. As in, the US. Seems Caribbean in nature. And she never asks me if I want ketchup with my bagel. Because she knows better. I mean, seriously, who the fuck eats ketchup with their bagel?? Sure, my dad may eat peanut butter with his cereal, and sure, Ben may put olives in his pop-tarts, and sure, maybe Fred, Coty and I used to go "grocery shopping" at Young Drive when we were broke and just took whatever looked good from Marshall's cupboards, but seriously, ketchup? On a bagel? It boggles. Anyway, I don't know my new secret crush's name . . . yet. It's in really small type on her name tag, and well, contrary to popular belief . . . I . . I don't see too good.

Oh look! It's our ol' pal Jodi! From Road Rules X-TREME! Granted, she's looking pretty green, and Jodi, sweetheart, it looks like you bought that bracelet from that boutique in front of the NASWA. Just makin' a funny old-skool Weirs Beach joke is all.

Speaking of ketchup that annoys me - my aunt and uncle have been making my blood boil like no other lately. They've been bitching about me "not showing up" to family functions and basically being the root of all (public school) evil. I know, what the fuck else is new? But don't bitch about me to Nanny. Seriously, not cool? #1 - You're fools and everyone knows you're a bunch of foolish fools. #2 - Yeah, good plan. Trying to get Nanny against me. That's so going to happen. Except, you know, it's not. #3 - Also, you suck. People in judgemental, ass-kissing, faker than cubic zirconia glass houses shouldn't, you know . . . bitch about me. I think that's how the saying goes.

Whatever. This entry has been sullied now. No Ben, for fuck sakes, not THAT Sully. Oh god, I'm ending the entry before that whole thing starts up again . . .

It's been real,

Pit-Pat

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