2004-02-09 - 10:48 p.m.

Whazza-wha?

But what about Silent Movies?

Well . . . those are "classics".

Hey there kids. Let's review for a minute shall we?

Back in August of 2002 Ben, Tim, and myself took a trip across the U.S. of A. to move TC to San Fran from Boston. You remember right? Oh sure you do.

God tried to flood us out of Upstate New York . . .

We cheesed it up in Wisconsin and sauntered over to Austin, Minnesota where we became Spam-iacs at the Spam Museum . . .

Goats stalked our every move while we lounged around Rapid City, SD saluting Mt. Rushmore and smok 'em-ing peace pipes with Crazy Horse.

I got verbally sassed by one of the premiere bimbos in all of Colorado and we all remember the horrific horrificness that befall our intrepid travelers within the confines of Utah, a.ka. - Satan's Playground. (Though sadly, we never spotted the Devil's Bedpost.)

After the neon blitzkreig that was Vegas, we hit what was generally regarded as one of the best parts of the trip - the trek from Southern California to San Fransico. Well, when we left San Diego, which at the time wasn't home to such luminaries as Coty and Jimbo, I made a throw-away remark in the Cali entry that mentioned the graffiti that brought much joy to Ben, Tim, and my eyes. Well . . . one thing I apparently didn't make clear was that I am not a girl. What's that you say? Why would I need to make such an obvious thing clear? Well, despite the fact that Justin says "the letters Z and Q are the queerest letters in the alphabet", I guess I always took for granted that it was obvious to the people that read this that I am a MALE. Ok, maybe not Cameron - since I am technically his lesbian grandmother . . . but it seems that after a fruitful google search in which the phrase Donkey Punch Crew was sought after, led to this development which then led to THIS DEVELOPMENT. Sigh. So yeah. A bunch of DPC'ers think I am a girl. For the record - I am not. I am a guy. And my name is Zach. And I really like Thin Mints. But I mean . . . who doesn't?

Ready?

Go!

Two weekends ago, my brother Scott came to NH and brought my nephew David and my niece Brittany with him. Nanny was still in the hospital then, which is her second home since the New Year, and we visited her there that Saturday. Which made it I think my 5th Saturday I've ever had off since I started at the Wallakers. It was worth it. We ran into Susie who had brought Patrick and Shawn with her. So we made plans to meet them at what used to be Oliver's and is now Kalliope's. We grabbed Don back in Sanbornton and met Susie and the boys at Kalliope's. Somehow, we ran into Greg and Linda on the way and we had to push like 7 tables together so we could all sit together. It was a trip alright. Actually, it was surprisingly fun. It did seem weird being there in a Brad haunt though. Oddly, I'm so removed from Brad's life now that I think we'd actually be quite civil to each other if we ran into each other now. Which . . . is sad I think. I'd rather be friends with him and fight then get along with him by not speaking with him at all. I'm also angry about the whole thing because I know Nanny is upset that we still aren't talking. Granted, the situation isn't helped when my aunt expresses her displeasure to Nanny about Brad and I not talking which only causes Nanny to worry more and then call me and fight with me while I sit in my car in the Market Basket parking lot counting how many times the light turns yellow vs. how many times Nanny starts crying. Nanny won by 3. Whatever - Brad will be in Mass. soon and I can stop taking the heat from the family for refusing to "help" Brad when all I used to get was heat from the family for trying too hard to "help" Brad. It's almost as if he's been exacto-knifed out of my life. Now who does that remind us all of? If you said Chris McNeil you'd be close. But you'd also be wrong. If you guess McKeen you'd be right on the money. But don't say his name too loud folks . . . he's listening. So . . . you know . . . let's keep this on the radio silence tip.

Friday: Played Trivial Pursuit at Shannon & Matt's with Kyle & Brooke and as expected, the boys kicked the girls collective asses. It was really icy. On the way home from dropping off Brooke I passed three girls in the snow by RiverBend. One was passed out in the snow. One was puking in said snow. One was peeing in said said said snow. Yeah. Dover is home to the classiest lassies in all of the world.

Saturday: Got ridiculously drunk at Phil & Andrea's while they, Kate, and I watched the Stella DVD. You know what nice friends do? They don't take pictures of you when you pass out. Yeah . . . Andrea & Kate? Good friends? Not so much.

I've been e-mailing with Peter's friend Colin in West Palm Beach trying to co-ordinate Pete's bachelor party. It is gonna. be. sweet. Right now, Ben, Jeff, Jimbo & I are confirmed for the bachelor party along with Peter, Jon & Matt and Pete's Florida friends (like the aforementioned Colin). Chad probably won't be able to come down until the wedding, but I'm still waiting to hear whether Rich, TC and McLaughlin can come to the bachelor party. McLaughlin is gonna win the "Stephanie Cotter Impossible to Get A Hold Of" Award for 2004 if his ass doesn't call me back but soon. For the record, Beth won the award last year . . . but is off to a better season thus far. Kinda. Peter said the only stipulation he had about his wedding is that I'm not allowed to puke in my hands. He's such a stickler.

We got some birthdays comin' up folks. Can we remember them all? We'll try friends. We'll try.

Also, we're gonna be having a big suprise party for Monique at the homestead at the end of March. Anyone who's anyone will be there. Oh . . . and don't worry about spoiling the surprise . . . it was all Monique's idea. Yeah. Sounds like her, huh? Oh . . . and for the love of God, switch channels if you wanna talk about it . . . because remember . . . McKeen is listening. I mean . . . someone is listening. Someone named McKeen.

Oh . . . and I still haven't gotten my haircut since that last time after I shore my Damon locks after the Halloween Party. And let me tell you . . . it's pretty damn long again. In fact, I just had this picture taken of me sliding into home plate.

Don't I have a face only a mother could love?

A face . . . if I may add . . . IS THAT OF A MAN.

It's been real,

Orko

ps - The results from the last poll, "Who should be cast in the next Real World, set to be filmed in Atlanta?"- which, it should be noted, it looks like the next Real World will now be filmed in Philly. The choice "My Dad, Alton & Irulan, Andrew Jackson, Kevin Bacon, Martha Fuller Clark, & Benson" won with 7 votes and 35% of the vote. Second place was a tie, with "Dane Cook, Marianne from the G., The Old Man In The Mountain, Ann B. Smith, Virgina C. Beecher, Shaft, & Eileen from Sanrio" and "Jimbo, Rick, 4 pet voles & Courtney Fish" getting 4 votes and 20% each. And my personal favorite of, "John Rocker, Spike Lee, Pat Buchanan, Eva Braun, Brigham Young, Lassie, & Tim Curtis" came in at 3rd place with 15%. The new poll is a toughy. Good luck.

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