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I Could Go For Some Pizza

2003-09-07 - 3:07 p.m.

Secret Word: Science Sausage

Listening To: The Magnetic Fields

Quote:"My IM sucks more than Dottie at an All-You-Can-Eat Onion Ring Buffet" - Zach

Sunday - 12:01 p.m.

Ben: I want food.

Zach: Yeah. Me too. I'm gonna have to put some pants on if we go get food.

B: Yeah. You should definitely do that.

Z: What do you want to eat?

B: Something where I can eat . . . a lot.

Z: Yeah. I like that place too.

12:05

Z: [yelling down to basement] Hey! I have pants on now!

B: Good.

Z: Also, the second to last Reno 911 is on and the newest one that you missed is on at 12:30.

B: . . .

Z: Sooo . . . I'll go get food and bring it back so we can watch Reno 911.

B: Ok. I want Chinese Food.

Z: I don't know. That's hard to get quick.

B: Yeah. It is.

Z: Besides . . . isn't it kinda early for Chinese Food?

B: Are you ok?

Z: Yeah, yeah. I know. That was stupid.

B: I could go for some pizza.

Z: Yeah. I like pizza.

B: Order it up! Hopefully it'll get here by the second Reno 911 and then we'll have it in time for the Pats game at 1.

Z: Sweet. What do you want?

B: Cheese on one, Hawaiian on the other.

Z: Super sweet. I'll call.

12:07

Z: Hi. You still doing that deal where you get two one-topping pizzas for $15?

Papa Jay's Manager: Yup.

Z: Cool. I'll take that.

PJM: Pick-up or delivery?

Z: Delivery.

PJM: Toppings?

Z: Just cheese on one, Hawaiian on the other.

PJM: Ok. That's $15.30, plus tax, which makes it $17.30.

Z: Cool.

PJM: Address?

Z: 482 Silver Street, Rollinsford.

PJM: Alright, we'll shoot that right out to ya.

Z: Thanks a lot.

12:32

Z: Oh that Weigel.

B: Ha ha. Weigel.

Z: C.P.T. Ha ha.

B: Apology accepted Jones. Ha ha.

Z: Oh that Weigel.

B: Where's that pizza?

Z: I don't know. I wish it was in my stomach.

B: Mmmmm. Me too. But my stomach. Not yours.

12:46

B: Seriously, where's the fucking pizza pie?

Z: I don't know. I'm not the fucking pizza police.

B: Maybe you should be.

Z: Maybe I should be.

B: Maybe you should.

Z: Maybe you should.

B: . . .

Z: Where's the fucking pizza?

B: I don't know. I'm hungry.

Z: Me too.

12:55

B: Dude. You gotta do something about that pizza.

Z: I know.

B: What are you gonna do?

Z: I don't know.

B: I'm so hungry.

Z: I know, I am too.

B: Remember an hour ago?

Z: Yeah, what about it?

B: I was hungry then . . . you know, so . . . you can imagine how hungry I am now.

Z: Yeah. That's true.

B: Hungry. Over here.

Z: I'm so hungry I'd eat buffalo wings.

B: No you wouldn't.

Z: No . . . I wouldn't.

1:03

B: Dude. You gotta call.

Z: I know.

B: For real.

Z: I know.

B: It's been over an hour.

Z: No. It almost has. Not yet.

B: When?

Z: 5 minutes.

B: I'm hungry now.

Z: And you won't be in 5 minutes?

B: I don't know. Who knows where we'll be in 5 minutes?

Z: True.

1:05

B: The Yankees game and the Pats game are starting and you know what would make them better?

Z: If Derek Jeter was carried off the field by gigantic robotic spiders?

B: No. One more guess.

Z: Pizza?

B: I knew you'd guess right.

Z: Ok.

B: Ok what?

Z: I'll call.

B: Good.

Z: Good.

B: It's agreed. It's good.

1:10

[Zach puts off calling Papa Jay's for 5 more minutes, in the meantime, Papa Jay's calls Zach]

Z: Hello?

PJM: Hi, did you order two pizzas?

Z: Um. Yeah.

PJM: Ok. Our guy can't find you guys.

Z: Um . . . why not?

PJM: He says there's no Dover Street in Rollinsford. One in Dover. But none in Rollinsford.

Z: Yeah. I know. We're SILVER St. SILVER St. in Rollinsford.

PJM: Ooooh. Ok. I'll send our guy right out again.

Z: Fine.

1:11

B: Well?

Z: The fucking cockmonkeys thought it was going to DOVER ST.!

B: AGAIN?!

Z: Yes. Again. This is the third fucking time they've tried to foist a pizza of ours to this mythical Dover St.

B: Is there even really a Dover St in Dover?

Z: I don't know. Apparently. And those fuckers LOVE sending our pizza there.

B: Silver doesn't even SOUND like Dover!

Z: Well, kinda . . . I mean, the "er" part at the end and all.

B: . . .

Z: But yeah, "Sil" and "Dov" sound nothing alike.

B: I'm so fucking hungry.

Z: I know. Me too.

1:25

[Zach talks to Jimbo and gets all fired up about some non-pizza related subjects. Then the conversation turns to pizza and Zach gets even more fired up. He decides to call Papa Jay's and find out what the fuck is going on with the pizza.]

Z: Hi.

PJM: Hi.

Z: I'm looking to check the status of a pizza delivery.

PJM: The "status"?

Z: Yeah. As in, "when is it gonna get to my house?"

PJM: Address?

Z: 482 SILVER STREET, ROLLINSFORD.

PJM: Oh, ok.

Z: NEW HAMPSHIRE.

PJM: I gotcha buddy.

Z: Yeah.

PJM: Ok. Thanks.

Z: Wait!

PJM: Yeah?

Z: WHAT ABOUT THE PIZZA?

PJM: Oh yeah. My driver ran out of gas.

Z: WHAT?!

PJM: He ran out of gas?

Z: He ran out of gas?!

PJM: Yeah buddy, out of gas.

Z: So . . . when's the pizza gonna get here?

PJM: We'll shoot that right out to ya.

Z: Listen. It's been an hour and a half and you're 10 minutes away from us . . . if that.

PJM: . . .

Z: Soooo . . .

PJM: Ok pal, here's the deal. It's $17.30, with tax right?

Z: Right.

PJM: Tell the driver I knocked off 2 bucks. So it's $15.30. Ok?

Z: Wait, you want ME to just tell the Driver that it's less money now?

PJM: Yeah. Tell him to call me if he's gotta problem.

Z: Fine. Goodbye.

1:50

PJM: Papa Jay's!

Z: Oh hi Papa Jay, I'm calling to check on a pizza I ordered at NOON.

PJM: [audible sigh] Buddy. Summer St. in Somersworth right?

Z: NO. I . . . are you kidding? NO. SILVER STREET IN ROLLINSFORD.

PJM: Hold on. [whispering to someone] Buddy, my driver here says he went to look for you guys and couldn't find you. Says he went all the way to South Berwick, Maine.

Z: Yeah, well, he wasn't too damn far off since we live right near South Berwick.

PJM: He says he went all over Rollinsford. Couldn't find you.

Z: [brain starting to bleed] SILVER STREET is one of the main streets in ROLLINSFORD.

PJM: Ok. Tell me how you get there.

Z: *pop* [sound of brain cells bursting] You just go to the Mr. Mike's/Mobil Station at the top of the hill and then go the flashing yellow light and take a left. Then take a right at the fire station. THAT'S SILVER STREET.

PJM: Ok. Hold on. [more whispering]

Papa Jay's Driver: OK.

Z: Ok?

PJD: Ok.

Z: Ok?

PJD: Go ahead.

Z: GO AHEAD WITH WHAT?!

PJD: The directions.

Z: Wha-?! I JUST gave them to that other guy.

PJD: Oh. Ok. Well, now you can give them to me.

Z: [breathe] [breathe] Mr. Mike's, up the hill, left at flashing yellow, right at fire station.

PJD: Ok, turn at the lights at Mr. Mike's. We'll see ya.

Z: NO. DO NOT TURN AT THE LIGHTS AT Mr. Mike's. AT THE FLASHING YELLOW LIGHT AT THE TOP OF THE HILL.

PJD: Ok. Will do.

2:10

PJM: Papa Jay's!

Z: Hi. Look. I've talked to you several times. All I wanted was to get 2 pizzas in under 2 hours. What is the friggin' problem?

PJM: Whoa buddy.

Z: "Whoa buddy" what?!

PJM: Let's watch the attitude.

Z: Look. It's been 2 hours.

PJM: Yeah. Buddy. Look, I offered you $2 off. What else can I do?

Z: So my offer is $2 off for 2 pizzas that are 2 HOURS late? Look. This is the THIRD time this has happened to us. We are good customers. But this is really just unacceptable. I'm not paying more than $10 for these pizzas.

PJM: EXCUSE ME?!

Z: Did you not hear me?

PJM: Let me just get this clear - you think you're getting two pizzas for $10?

Z: Dude, I should be getting these damn pizzas for FREE!

PJM: You know what? I can just cancel your order right now and order those pizzas back to the restaurant.

Z: Cancel my order? Excuse me?

PJM: Buddy. You're startin' to piss me off. And you wouldn't like me pissed off.

Z: What, are you the Hulk? Now you listen to me - YOU WILL NOT CANCEL THAT FUCKING ORDER. Those pizza's are coming here and I don't fucking care if I have to wait another hour. I'm getting a cheese and fucking Hawaiin pizza and I'm paying $10 for them, and I shouldn't even pay that!

PJM: I'm gonna have to let you go.

2:13

B: I want some pizza.

Z: I KNOW YOU WANT SOME FUCKING PIZZA! SO DO I! NOW SHUT THE FUCK UP AND WE'LL ALL GET SOME PIZZA AND BE HAPPY AND EAT PIZZA AND I SWEAR TO GOD I'LL FUCKING GOUGE THAT FUCKERS EYES OUT TELL ME HE'S GETTING PISSED OFF! HIM?!?! WHAT ABOUT ME? I AM SO FUCKING ANGRY ABOUT GOD DAMNED PIZZA RIGHT NOW! WHY DIDN'T I JUST GET CHINESE FOOD TO BEGIN WITH?!?!

B: Yeah. I like Chinese Food.

2:15

[Zach's phone rings. It's Papa Jay's.]

PJM: Hi. I need to speak to the person in charge of making the order to Papa Jay's.

Z: Speaking.

PJM: Hi. Buddy. We spoke before. Here's the deal. You're gonna need to speak to the owner.

Z: GLADLY.

PJM: Excuse me?

Z: I'll say it slower. I. Would. Be. Glad. To. Speak. To. The. Owner.

PJM: Yeah. Well, you need to tell him exactly what happened today cause he's gonna wanna know why you got your pizza cheaper than you should have.

Z: Oh jeeze. So I'll have to tell him how this is the 3rd time you guys have screwed up with us, how you were unprofessional to me on the phone, didn't write down my address, and told the customer how he was PISSING YOU OFF? Yeah. I think I can remember to tell him that. I'll talk to him right now.

PJM: Ok pal. You need to calm down. You need to take a breath and calm the hell down. The owner will call you later. Now CALM DOWN.

Z: . . .

Z: . . .

Z: Just. Just get me my pizza.

PJM: We're shootin' that right over to you pal.

2:25

[Zach's in the bathroom]

B: Come on in!

PJD: Hey man, sorry about all that.

B: Aw, what're ya gonna do? You know?

PJD: Yeah. Thanks.

B: Later. ZACH! Pizza's here!

It's been real,

Cadaco

1 comments so far

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