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88 Lines About 44 11's

2003-08-28 - 12:46 a.m.

Secret Word: Chip Fuck!

Listening To: A train in the distance

Quote:"You start in a mine, then it's ancient Egypt somehow and I think they throw in a pirate." - Rick

1. I�m not color blind, but I mix up blue and purple (or so I�m told)

2. The only things I�ve ever shoplifted are books

3. I have an irrational fear of glass

4. I used to pull spider�s legs off when I was younger and plant them

5. I don�t own any Led Zeppelin albums

6. The freckles on my right arm form the Big and Little Dipper

7. I taught myself the first 6 notes of �My Country �tis of Thee� on piano.

8. The longest phone conversation I�ve ever had was 6 hours long

9. �Nothing could possib-lie could go wrong!� and �To the bee-mobile!� are my most quoted Simpsons quotes

10. I want to name one of my children Quinn � boy or girl

11. I play air guitar left handed

12. I was going to dye my hair blond with Jeff and Ben, but we ran out of dye

13. My favorite fruits are cantaloupe and cherry

14. I believe in Reincarnation

15. My favorite type of weather is minutes before a thunderstorm

16. For one year (7th Grade) I actually convinced myself that I didn�t do well in math because I was so good at it, that the math we were learning was boring me

17. I�ve always prided myself in how far I can swim underwater and my impression of Joan Lietzel

18. �Abracadabra� by The Steve Miller Band was my favorite song for the majority of the 1980�s

19. I�ve been arrested once, and to the hospital twice � but never in Laconia.

20. I went on the Turkish Twist 5 times in a row to impress a girl � and then I puked � in front of her

21. I�d given two eulogies by the time I was 18.

22. I was the first person in my class to memorize the months in order

23. I was the last kid in my class to master long division

24. I�ve bungee jumped � and it was with Hilary Johnston

25. I�ve used poison oak as toilet paper

26. I often forget how old I am

27. I want �This Must Be The Place (Na�ve Melody)� to be played at my funeral

28. The first girl I made out with was literally on the first base of a baseball diamond

29. The Phantom of the Muppet Show has starred in my dreams more than anyone

30. I hate lists because they always piss me off when I read them

31. I�ll never eat bologna again for the rest of my life

32. I�ve seen every episode of Ducktales, Simpsons, & Real World

33. I�ve seen Clue more times than any other movie and The Chipmunk Adventure the 2nd most (whilst Wet Hot American Summer just rocketed into 3rd)

34. The youngest dream I can recall is one involving Richie Rich being trapped in a safe in a capsized ocean liner and I had to try and save him. It was terrifying

35. At 6 years old I was stranded in the middle of Lake Opeeche on a raft with a cinder block and a snapping turtle

36. I�ve only used Cliff Notes once � Red Badge of Courage

37. I drank 16 Mountain Dews once � and then I vomited

38. I like it when I lose my voice

39. I can�t eat without reading at the same time

40. I believe in ghosts

41. The Eagles �Life In The Fast Lane� was playing on the radio when I was born

42. My wind-up Orko and my Fischer-Price tape recorder were my most prized possessions as a child

43. I�ve had a veal named after me [Veal Zachariah � don�t quibble, I know that�s not my real name, but you have to jazz things up in the restaurant business]

44. I can�t marry someone that doesn�t like the movie Clue

45. I�ve seen every episode of Newsradio, St. Elsewhere, & Hill Street Blues

46. I own over 1,500 comics

47. I don't like Mormons and Mormons don't like me

48. My leg was run over by an ATV, but it didn�t hurt, because there was so much mud that my leg just sunk into the ground when the ATV drove over it

49. I still have nightmares about the �drop-off� at Bond Beach

50. One of my biggest regrets in life is not having told Pat Baldi to go fuck herself when she demanded I clean up the dog shit, from her dog, in front of Theater 5

51. The one amusement park ride I will not go on is the teacups

52. My lucky # is 8

53. I�ve read To Kill A Mockingbird 7 times

54. I�ve met Kevin Smith and we talked about the Old Man in the Mountain

55. I�ve met The State and they called me mean names � jokingly . . . I think

56. I�ve met David Byrne and I did all I could to not pee my pants.

57. Ketchup is the most exotic condiment I�ll use

58. Ben and I are still convinced that there�s secret treasure hidden somewhere inside the United Baptist Church of Lakeport

59. The first cigarette I ever smoked was on the train tracks behind the Laconia Dairy Queen with Keith Goodwin

60. The last cigarette I ever smoked was while I was tanked, sitting in a sink, in the middle of a party at Stonegate with David Marshall

61. In 8th Grade, on a trip to Canobie Lake Park, I had one of those �lucky coin� machines press me a flat green coin that was inscribed with �ZKBTJTP� with the intentions to carry it with me for life � I lost it by the end of the day

62. I got roped into spending one 4th of July with Denoncourt and Erica Conners� sister, on the Conners� boat � without Erica Conners

63. I was the first kid in Laconia to have Super Mario Brothers 3

64. I�ve found that mixing two of my liquid arch-enemies, tequila & Mountain Dew, doesn�t taste that bad

65. I�ve been �banned� from entering the city of Boston, MA and the town of Bethel, ME � though both bans have been lifted

66. I can�t leave FunSpot without entering my initials in 1st place in at least 3 machines.

67. I�m a Lake Porterican �til I die!

68. I can whistle better at night

69. I�ve never seen Blade Runner

70. I was directly responsible for LHS canceling school one day � but only I know that I was the culprit

71. I ate so much Crispix as a kid that it tastes like cat food now

72. The Pits are the part of Laconia that perplex me the most

73. The first thing I ever got drunk on was whiskey

74. I have a thin white scar on my right middle finger thanks to Olann�s backpack

75. �Page 75� was my high school code for �fat girl�

76. I will never get gas, or buy anything for that matter, from a Shell station

77. Without fail, I will always pick �smoke� and �hearts� when playing Up and Down The River

78. I used an ATM machine for the first time this last Sunday

79. Despite the fact that Dave Matthews Band is one of my least favorite bands, I have seen them in concert.

80. I have a mortal fear of Visine. Any attempts to administer eye drops to me results in my kicking and braying like a drunken mule

81. The two longest movie lines I�ve ever waited in were for Batman and Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles

82. Raphael was my favorite turtle because he was the sarcastic one � though I felt conflicted because Leonardo had my favorite color � blue, while Raphael sported my least favorite color � red

83. I can�t hear Werewolves of London without thinking of Mike Marsh � and to be honest � who can?

84. I�ve funneled Zima

85. The first frat party I ever attended was at Zeta Chi

86. I can�t grow a goatee, let alone a beard, because I have a barren spot on the left side of my chin that won�t grow hair

87. There is not one salad dressing I like nor have I ever liked regular Pepsi or Coke. And never is there a time when those two facts cease to blow people�s minds.

88. My life�s goal was once to read every Choose Your Own Adventure book

It's been real,

Jack of Hearts

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