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88 Lines About 44 11's

2003-08-28 - 12:46 a.m.

Secret Word: Chip Fuck!

Listening To: A train in the distance

Quote:"You start in a mine, then it's ancient Egypt somehow and I think they throw in a pirate." - Rick

1. I’m not color blind, but I mix up blue and purple (or so I’m told)

2. The only things I’ve ever shoplifted are books

3. I have an irrational fear of glass

4. I used to pull spider’s legs off when I was younger and plant them

5. I don’t own any Led Zeppelin albums

6. The freckles on my right arm form the Big and Little Dipper

7. I taught myself the first 6 notes of “My Country ‘tis of Thee” on piano.

8. The longest phone conversation I’ve ever had was 6 hours long

9. “Nothing could possib-lie could go wrong!” and “To the bee-mobile!” are my most quoted Simpsons quotes

10. I want to name one of my children Quinn – boy or girl

11. I play air guitar left handed

12. I was going to dye my hair blond with Jeff and Ben, but we ran out of dye

13. My favorite fruits are cantaloupe and cherry

14. I believe in Reincarnation

15. My favorite type of weather is minutes before a thunderstorm

16. For one year (7th Grade) I actually convinced myself that I didn’t do well in math because I was so good at it, that the math we were learning was boring me

17. I’ve always prided myself in how far I can swim underwater and my impression of Joan Lietzel

18. “Abracadabra” by The Steve Miller Band was my favorite song for the majority of the 1980’s

19. I’ve been arrested once, and to the hospital twice – but never in Laconia.

20. I went on the Turkish Twist 5 times in a row to impress a girl – and then I puked – in front of her

21. I’d given two eulogies by the time I was 18.

22. I was the first person in my class to memorize the months in order

23. I was the last kid in my class to master long division

24. I’ve bungee jumped – and it was with Hilary Johnston

25. I’ve used poison oak as toilet paper

26. I often forget how old I am

27. I want “This Must Be The Place (Naďve Melody)” to be played at my funeral

28. The first girl I made out with was literally on the first base of a baseball diamond

29. The Phantom of the Muppet Show has starred in my dreams more than anyone

30. I hate lists because they always piss me off when I read them

31. I’ll never eat bologna again for the rest of my life

32. I’ve seen every episode of Ducktales, Simpsons, & Real World

33. I’ve seen Clue more times than any other movie and The Chipmunk Adventure the 2nd most (whilst Wet Hot American Summer just rocketed into 3rd)

34. The youngest dream I can recall is one involving Richie Rich being trapped in a safe in a capsized ocean liner and I had to try and save him. It was terrifying

35. At 6 years old I was stranded in the middle of Lake Opeeche on a raft with a cinder block and a snapping turtle

36. I’ve only used Cliff Notes once – Red Badge of Courage

37. I drank 16 Mountain Dews once – and then I vomited

38. I like it when I lose my voice

39. I can’t eat without reading at the same time

40. I believe in ghosts

41. The Eagles “Life In The Fast Lane” was playing on the radio when I was born

42. My wind-up Orko and my Fischer-Price tape recorder were my most prized possessions as a child

43. I’ve had a veal named after me [Veal Zachariah – don’t quibble, I know that’s not my real name, but you have to jazz things up in the restaurant business]

44. I can’t marry someone that doesn’t like the movie Clue

45. I’ve seen every episode of Newsradio, St. Elsewhere, & Hill Street Blues

46. I own over 1,500 comics

47. I don't like Mormons and Mormons don't like me

48. My leg was run over by an ATV, but it didn’t hurt, because there was so much mud that my leg just sunk into the ground when the ATV drove over it

49. I still have nightmares about the “drop-off” at Bond Beach

50. One of my biggest regrets in life is not having told Pat Baldi to go fuck herself when she demanded I clean up the dog shit, from her dog, in front of Theater 5

51. The one amusement park ride I will not go on is the teacups

52. My lucky # is 8

53. I’ve read To Kill A Mockingbird 7 times

54. I’ve met Kevin Smith and we talked about the Old Man in the Mountain

55. I’ve met The State and they called me mean names – jokingly . . . I think

56. I’ve met David Byrne and I did all I could to not pee my pants.

57. Ketchup is the most exotic condiment I’ll use

58. Ben and I are still convinced that there’s secret treasure hidden somewhere inside the United Baptist Church of Lakeport

59. The first cigarette I ever smoked was on the train tracks behind the Laconia Dairy Queen with Keith Goodwin

60. The last cigarette I ever smoked was while I was tanked, sitting in a sink, in the middle of a party at Stonegate with David Marshall

61. In 8th Grade, on a trip to Canobie Lake Park, I had one of those “lucky coin” machines press me a flat green coin that was inscribed with “ZKBTJTP” with the intentions to carry it with me for life – I lost it by the end of the day

62. I got roped into spending one 4th of July with Denoncourt and Erica Conners’ sister, on the Conners’ boat – without Erica Conners

63. I was the first kid in Laconia to have Super Mario Brothers 3

64. I’ve found that mixing two of my liquid arch-enemies, tequila & Mountain Dew, doesn’t taste that bad

65. I’ve been “banned” from entering the city of Boston, MA and the town of Bethel, ME – though both bans have been lifted

66. I can’t leave FunSpot without entering my initials in 1st place in at least 3 machines.

67. I’m a Lake Porterican ‘til I die!

68. I can whistle better at night

69. I’ve never seen Blade Runner

70. I was directly responsible for LHS canceling school one day – but only I know that I was the culprit

71. I ate so much Crispix as a kid that it tastes like cat food now

72. The Pits are the part of Laconia that perplex me the most

73. The first thing I ever got drunk on was whiskey

74. I have a thin white scar on my right middle finger thanks to Olann’s backpack

75. “Page 75” was my high school code for “fat girl”

76. I will never get gas, or buy anything for that matter, from a Shell station

77. Without fail, I will always pick “smoke” and “hearts” when playing Up and Down The River

78. I used an ATM machine for the first time this last Sunday

79. Despite the fact that Dave Matthews Band is one of my least favorite bands, I have seen them in concert.

80. I have a mortal fear of Visine. Any attempts to administer eye drops to me results in my kicking and braying like a drunken mule

81. The two longest movie lines I’ve ever waited in were for Batman and Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles

82. Raphael was my favorite turtle because he was the sarcastic one – though I felt conflicted because Leonardo had my favorite color – blue, while Raphael sported my least favorite color – red

83. I can’t hear Werewolves of London without thinking of Mike Marsh – and to be honest – who can?

84. I’ve funneled Zima

85. The first frat party I ever attended was at Zeta Chi

86. I can’t grow a goatee, let alone a beard, because I have a barren spot on the left side of my chin that won’t grow hair

87. There is not one salad dressing I like nor have I ever liked regular Pepsi or Coke. And never is there a time when those two facts cease to blow people’s minds.

88. My life’s goal was once to read every Choose Your Own Adventure book

It's been real,

Jack of Hearts

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