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A Fireside Chat With The People's Champion

2003-07-22 - 11:11 a.m.

Mood: Fouler

Listening To: The Cars, Jane's Addiction

Quote:"I vote for clitori." - Justin and Zach for once in agreement about something

We're sitting down with Justin of GoJustinGo fame and speaking with him about his recent wrestling match that ended not only in victory, but apparently christened him "Lord Master of the Internet" as well. What are ya gonna do? Well, let's talk to Justin and find out where he's at after such a life-altering event!

ZQF8: I won't be on again until after 10:30

ZQF8: so wanna do interview now?

JPoCorleone: sure

JpoCorleone: shoot, my negro

ZQF8: before we go - u must know that the only two words I will censor are the N and JC word

ZQF8: and I don't mean nicompoop and jeezum crow

JPoCorleone: JC?

ZQF8: jes chr

JPoCorleone: y?

ZQF8: I not use it

ZQF8: ok

ZQF8: we ready?

JPoCorleone: hmmmmm

JPoCorleone: that makes interesting

JPoCorleone: hehehe

ZQF8: We're sitting here with Justin . . . wait. Which Justin you gonna be for this interview? There's a lot of "different Justin's" you see to employ.

ZQF8: hello? why you take so long to answer me?

JPoCorleone: this is the justin that's all "I wanna use blasphemy, but Z is too much off a goody goody choir boy PUSSY!"-- This is the Variant figure in the pack, BTW

ZQF8: this not hard question - it not even an official question yet

ZQF8: well well well

JPoCorleone: hehehe

ZQF8: listen Mr. Fuck Cock Shit Ass MotherMonkeyCunt, I am ALL FOR USING VULGARITY

ZQF8: I just won't use the N word and JC

ZQF8: I hardly think that makes me a prude or puritan by most people's standards

ZQF8: see - look how we've started this off? We're already fighting.

JPoCorleone: So if I say, for instance "Man, I wish my [African-American] [Son of God] would stop by more often", you wont use it, even though it implies that [the Son of God] is an old pal of mine?

ZQF8: you got it

ZQF8: though I will use that quote

JPoCorleone: I'm confused

ZQF8: but i will just substitute the N and JC words with better words

ZQF8: like "African-American"

JPoCorleone: like there ARE any...

ZQF8: but I will say Jesus Christ in that way

ZQF8: I am not AGAINST saying the name

ZQF8: just in an "in vain" way

JPoCorleone: you sho7ld use "Racial slur for African American"

ZQF8: I sho7ld, but I will not

ZQF8: shall we start again?

JPoCorleone: i thought this was a rousing start

ZQF8: so far this is gold

ZQF8: 46 karat Stupid Gold

ZQF8: but still Gold

JpoCorleone: carry on then

ZQF8: ok

ZQF8: so, seriously, which Justin won the big fight this last weekend?

JPoCorleone: Justin Powers now lords over the internet, with an iron fist. And by Iron fist, I mean crappy mouse

ZQF8: I remember I saw the phrase "iron fist" for the first time on the poster for Naked Gun 2 1/2. I loved that movie

JPoCorleone: Anything with OJ = BOX OFFICE GOLD

ZQF8: OJ makes my face hot

JPoCorleone: blood will do that

ZQF8: now, where was this fight? how did winning said fight make you "lord of the internet", as you so humbly put it?

JPoCorleone: This fight was in New Jersey, the name of the town escapes me at this point.

ZQF8: let's call it "Sludgeville"

JPoCorleone: I'm pretty sure it was something like "Assmunch"

ZQF8: ooh, that's good too

JPoCorleone: Assmunch, Sludgeville, theyíre all in the same area code

ZQF8: so, who sponsored this fight?

ZQF8: I'm trying to gently steer you into explaining how winning this fight made you lord of the internet.

ZQF8: now not-so-gently

JPoCorleone: This Fight was govereved under the auspicies (sp?) of the Cyber Space Wrestling Federation..... A promotion that I SWEAR I am not making up.

ZQF8: I believe you. Though I don't trust others will. Thatís why Iíll put a link to it . . . HERE when this sees print

JPoCorleone: as you can imagine, being the INTERNET champion of a promotion that boasts itself the Wrestling Promotion of CYBER SPACE carries a lot of power

ZQF8: I will try to include some pictures of the behemoth you faught

JPoCorleone: yes, the guy i "faught" was quite large

ZQF8: oh my god

ZQF8: brain cramp

JPoCorleone: Mr. English Major

ZQF8 : fought

ZQF8: ok ok

ZQF8: i'm all man now

JPoCorleone: excluding the vagina I presume

ZQF8: yes, yes, excluding the vag, of course

ZQF8: I canít help it, it was the New Hampshire accent

JPoCorleone: only.... you don't HAVE a NH accent

JPoCorleone: so, there's that

ZQF8: shhhh, what will my farmer ancestors with hooks say?!

ZQF8: the ancestors, not the hooks

ZQF8: so, there's that

ZQF8: so, to recap - you beat this elephant of a man at the Cyber Space Wrestling Thing and thus become Lord of the Internet

ZQF8: so where do we go from here? Do any of us who use the internet on a daily basis get any say in the matter?

JPoCorleone: well the technical term is "World Internet Champion", but I figure it's all the same ball of waz.... ewwww ball of wax.... But I digress.... things to look forward to in the near future include an all nude Olsen Twins site, amongst other things

JPoCorleone: cause let's face it, they are FUCKING HOT

ZQF8: they are

ZQF8: and it's almost legal for us to say that now I believe

ZQF8: shame that Stephanie Tanner was forced into a world of illicit drugs and cheap sex

ZQF8: (that was your set up to say, "How Rude!")

JPoCorleone: it's legal to say, as long as you are not planning on a home invasion to make these dreams come true, which, for the record, I am NOT

JPoCorleone: I was getting to it

JPoCorleone: but i type slow

ZQF8: sure you were

ZQF8: there is a sign on your street that says "Caution: Justin"

ZQF8: oh man, it's like i got Bruce Vilanch writing jokes for me here

JPoCorleone: too many concussions . . . where are my keys again?

ZQF8: exactly

JPoCorleone: Mildred?

JPoCorleone: ahem

ZQF8: anyway, so you're Lord of The Internet - what about these pop-up ads? and that damn university of Phoenix?! and those monkeyfuckers at And I want chocolate milk Not Just On Friday, BUT EVERY DAY!

JPoCorleone: other than his name being about 12 points in scrabble, what does Vilanch have to do with it?

ZQF8: and I have no idea what "Mildred" means

ZQF8: Bruce Vilanch is that crappy flamingly queer joke writer for Whoopi "I wasn't even funny back when I was funny" Goldberg

ZQF8: so the internet? whatcha gonna do?

JPoCorleone: These pop up ads are what make people go see awful movies... like that new fucking J-Lo abortion... whatever it's called.... the pop ups carry subliminal messages

JPoCorleone: so obviously, action must be taken

JPoCorleone: I think the first thing we should do is kill Ben Affleck

JPoCorleone: the rest, well, it takes care of itself, doesn't it?

ZQF8: but he's so adorable in those car insurance ads!

JPoCorleone: *wipes hands*

JPoCorleone: That's a gecko, Zach

ZQF8: and I think the movie you're thinking of is "Gigli"

ZQF8: there's a poster for the movie on the Coke machine at the mall - they're really canvassing the country for this one

JpoCorleone: they could at least put Jigglypuff in the thing for those who read phoneticaly

ZQF8: I like geckos

ZQF8: or Mr. Mime for people who like Mr. Mime . . . ha ha, I'm just kidding - no one likes Mr. Mime.

JPoCorleone: and bulbasaur cause he FUCKING KICKS ASS!

ZQF8: fine fine - bulbasaur too

ZQF8: any others so you can get it out of your system?

JPoCorleone: YESSSSSSS~~!

ZQF8: pick any one

JPoCorleone: gimme a while, I'll work them in

ZQF8: as long as it ain't psyduck

ZQF8: ok

JPoCorleone: Oooooooo

ZQF8: ok, Lord of the Internet

ZQF8: let's do some word association

ZQF8: real quick like

JPoCorleone: boring

ZQF8: so i'm gonna need you to type more than your 20 words / 5 minutes

JPoCorleone: oh wait, have we started yet?

ZQF8: no - it'll be fun - i promise

ZQF8: here we go

JpoCorleone: feets don't fail me now

ZQF8: The Hulk

JPoCorleone: UGH!

ZQF8: T3

JPoCorleone: Mmmmmmm

ZQF8: Ted Dibiase

JPoCorleone: Preist

ZQF8: Cheese Pizza

JPoCorleone: sinfully good

ZQF8: Tofurky

JPoCorleone: a crime

ZQF8: The G. Willikart

JPoCorleone: heaven- IN REVERSE!

ZQF8: The Death of Maude Flanders

JPoCorleone: Ned's coming out party

ZQF8: Ben Folds

JPoCorleone: God

ZQF8: Ben Folds Five

JPoCorleone: I miss you

ZQF8: (awww, me too)

ZQF8: RC Pro-Am

JPoCorleone: hours of my youth I'll never get back

ZQF8: Quantum Leap

JPoCorleone: Backu-la-riffic!

ZQF8: The Iron Shiek

JPoCorleone: Moustache

ZQF8: Hitmonchan

JPoCorleone: no match for Hitmonlee

ZQF8: Veal

JPoCorleone: crate

ZQF8: King Hippo

JpoCorleone: Underwear

ZQF8: blond girls

JPoCorleone: eh

ZQF8: Montreal

JPoCorleone: are we there yet?

ZQF8: Paulie Walnuts

JPoCorleone: he loves his momma

ZQF8: the Fabulous Moola

JPoCorleone: the gal of my dreams, if I was 53 years old

ZQF8: General Zod

JPoCorleone: poor bastard doesn't have a chance to be normal

ZQF8: Taco Bell

JPoCorleone: yummy for a place that willingly employs retards

ZQF8: NewsRadio (tread lightly . . .)

JPoCorleone: makes me miss Kids in the Hall, and Lionel Hutz

ZQF8: (I said I wasn't gonna cry, I said I wasn't gonna cry . . .)

ZQF8: Milhouse Van Houten

JPoCorleone: Big Wheel

ZQF8: ok, last one - you get to pick it and respond to it

JPoCorleone: Hmmmmmm

JPoCorleone: I pick Dennis Miller


ZQF8: any last words for your new internet subjects?

JPoCorleone: I hope that in the midst of the 7559 tangents that Zach goes on in an entry full of people you've never heard of, places you'll never go, and things that may or may not exist, you are able to recognize that I am now, and forever, your champion. Until someone else gets to pretend to beat me for a fake belt that means nothing. Thank you.

ZQF8: wow

ZQF8: if I wasn't already crying over the phil hartman reference from above, that would've brought a tear to my eye

JPoCorleone: you say that to all the boys

ZQF8: It's true

ZQF8: Thank you Justin. Thank you for leading us . . . for doing . . . um, thank you for . . . for being our Champion!

ZQF8: ok - all done


JPoCorleone: yeaaa

ZQF8: now that we've conquered the interview we get to watch the credits roll by with all the funny sounding Japanese names!

JPoCorleone: can you make like 7 best boys?

ZQF8: sure

ZQF8: I can do whatever I want

ZQF8: but only one key Grip

ZQF8: that's where I draw the line

JPoCorleone: Best Boy, Better Boy, Bestest Boy

JPoCorleone: understandable

ZQF8: night night J-Po

ZQF8: it's been real

JPoCorleone: night

ZQF8: (. . . Oooh - you meant OJ as in OJ Simpson! He doesn't make my face hot . . . well, maybe a little)

It's been real,


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