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A Fireside Chat With The People's Champion
2003-07-22 - 11:11 a.m. Mood: Fouler Listening To: The Cars, Jane's Addiction Quote:"I vote for clitori." - Justin and Zach for once in agreement about something We're sitting down with Justin of GoJustinGo fame and speaking with him about his recent wrestling match that ended not only in victory, but apparently christened him "Lord Master of the Internet" as well. What are ya gonna do? Well, let's talk to Justin and find out where he's at after such a life-altering event! ZQF8: I won't be on again until after 10:30ZQF8: so wanna do interview now? JPoCorleone: sure JpoCorleone: shoot, my negro ZQF8: before we go - u must know that the only two words I will censor are the N and JC word ZQF8: and I don't mean nicompoop and jeezum crow JPoCorleone: JC? ZQF8: jes chr JPoCorleone: y? ZQF8: I not use it ZQF8: ok ZQF8: we ready? JPoCorleone: hmmmmm JPoCorleone: that makes interesting JPoCorleone: hehehe ZQF8: We're sitting here with Justin . . . wait. Which Justin you gonna be for this interview? There's a lot of "different Justin's" you see to employ. ZQF8: hello? why you take so long to answer me? JPoCorleone: this is the justin that's all "I wanna use blasphemy, but Z is too much off a goody goody choir boy PUSSY!"-- This is the Variant figure in the pack, BTW ZQF8: this not hard question - it not even an official question yet ZQF8: well well well JPoCorleone: hehehe ZQF8: listen Mr. Fuck Cock Shit Ass MotherMonkeyCunt, I am ALL FOR USING VULGARITY ZQF8: I just won't use the N word and JC ZQF8: I hardly think that makes me a prude or puritan by most people's standards ZQF8: see - look how we've started this off? We're already fighting. JPoCorleone: So if I say, for instance "Man, I wish my [African-American] [Son of God] would stop by more often", you wont use it, even though it implies that [the Son of God] is an old pal of mine? ZQF8: you got it ZQF8: though I will use that quote JPoCorleone: I'm confused ZQF8: but i will just substitute the N and JC words with better words ZQF8: like "African-American" JPoCorleone: like there ARE any... ZQF8: but I will say Jesus Christ in that way ZQF8: I am not AGAINST saying the name ZQF8: just in an "in vain" way JPoCorleone: you sho7ld use "Racial slur for African American" ZQF8: I sho7ld, but I will not ZQF8: shall we start again? JPoCorleone: i thought this was a rousing start ZQF8: so far this is gold ZQF8: 46 karat Stupid Gold ZQF8: but still Gold JpoCorleone: carry on then ZQF8: ok ZQF8: so, seriously, which Justin won the big fight this last weekend? JPoCorleone: Justin Powers now lords over the internet, with an iron fist. And by Iron fist, I mean crappy mouse ZQF8: I remember I saw the phrase "iron fist" for the first time on the poster for Naked Gun 2 1/2. I loved that movie JPoCorleone: Anything with OJ = BOX OFFICE GOLD ZQF8: OJ makes my face hot JPoCorleone: blood will do that ZQF8: now, where was this fight? how did winning said fight make you "lord of the internet", as you so humbly put it? JPoCorleone: This fight was in New Jersey, the name of the town escapes me at this point. ZQF8: let's call it "Sludgeville" JPoCorleone: I'm pretty sure it was something like "Assmunch" ZQF8: ooh, that's good too JPoCorleone: Assmunch, Sludgeville, they�re all in the same area code ZQF8: so, who sponsored this fight? ZQF8: I'm trying to gently steer you into explaining how winning this fight made you lord of the internet. ZQF8: now not-so-gently JPoCorleone: This Fight was govereved under the auspicies (sp?) of the Cyber Space Wrestling Federation..... A promotion that I SWEAR I am not making up. ZQF8: I believe you. Though I don't trust others will. That�s why I�ll put a link to it . . . HERE when this sees print JPoCorleone: as you can imagine, being the INTERNET champion of a promotion that boasts itself the Wrestling Promotion of CYBER SPACE carries a lot of power ZQF8: I will try to include some pictures of the behemoth you faught JPoCorleone: yes, the guy i "faught" was quite largeZQF8: oh my god ZQF8: brain cramp JPoCorleone: Mr. English Major ZQF8 : fought ZQF8: ok ok ZQF8: i'm all man now JPoCorleone: excluding the vagina I presume ZQF8: yes, yes, excluding the vag, of course ZQF8: I can�t help it, it was the New Hampshire accent JPoCorleone: only.... you don't HAVE a NH accent JPoCorleone: so, there's that ZQF8: shhhh, what will my farmer ancestors with hooks say?! ZQF8: the ancestors, not the hooks ZQF8: so, there's that ZQF8: so, to recap - you beat this elephant of a man at the Cyber Space Wrestling Thing and thus become Lord of the Internet ZQF8: so where do we go from here? Do any of us who use the internet on a daily basis get any say in the matter? JPoCorleone: well the technical term is "World Internet Champion", but I figure it's all the same ball of waz.... ewwww ball of wax.... But I digress.... things to look forward to in the near future include an all nude Olsen Twins site, amongst other things JPoCorleone: cause let's face it, they are FUCKING HOT ZQF8: they are ZQF8: and it's almost legal for us to say that now I believe ZQF8: shame that Stephanie Tanner was forced into a world of illicit drugs and cheap sex ZQF8: (that was your set up to say, "How Rude!") JPoCorleone: it's legal to say, as long as you are not planning on a home invasion to make these dreams come true, which, for the record, I am NOT JPoCorleone: I was getting to it JPoCorleone: but i type slow ZQF8: sure you were ZQF8: there is a sign on your street that says "Caution: Justin" ZQF8: oh man, it's like i got Bruce Vilanch writing jokes for me here JPoCorleone: too many concussions . . . where are my keys again? ZQF8: exactly JPoCorleone: Mildred? JPoCorleone: ahem ZQF8: anyway, so you're Lord of The Internet - what about these pop-up ads? and that damn university of Phoenix?! and those monkeyfuckers at Classmates.com? And I want chocolate milk Not Just On Friday, BUT EVERY DAY! JPoCorleone: other than his name being about 12 points in scrabble, what does Vilanch have to do with it? ZQF8: and I have no idea what "Mildred" means ZQF8: Bruce Vilanch is that crappy flamingly queer joke writer for Whoopi "I wasn't even funny back when I was funny" Goldberg ZQF8: so the internet? whatcha gonna do? JPoCorleone: These pop up ads are what make people go see awful movies... like that new fucking J-Lo abortion... whatever it's called.... the pop ups carry subliminal messages JPoCorleone: so obviously, action must be taken JPoCorleone: I think the first thing we should do is kill Ben Affleck JPoCorleone: the rest, well, it takes care of itself, doesn't it? ZQF8: but he's so adorable in those car insurance ads! JPoCorleone: *wipes hands* JPoCorleone: That's a gecko, Zach ZQF8: and I think the movie you're thinking of is "Gigli" ZQF8: there's a poster for the movie on the Coke machine at the mall - they're really canvassing the country for this one JpoCorleone: they could at least put Jigglypuff in the thing for those who read phoneticaly ZQF8: I like geckos ZQF8: or Mr. Mime for people who like Mr. Mime . . . ha ha, I'm just kidding - no one likes Mr. Mime. JPoCorleone: and bulbasaur cause he FUCKING KICKS ASS! ZQF8: fine fine - bulbasaur too ZQF8: any others so you can get it out of your system? JPoCorleone: YESSSSSSS~~! ZQF8: pick any one JPoCorleone: gimme a while, I'll work them in ZQF8: as long as it ain't psyduck ZQF8: ok JPoCorleone: Oooooooo ZQF8: ok, Lord of the Internet ZQF8: let's do some word association ZQF8: real quick like JPoCorleone: boring ZQF8: so i'm gonna need you to type more than your 20 words / 5 minutes JPoCorleone: oh wait, have we started yet? ZQF8: no - it'll be fun - i promise ZQF8: here we go JpoCorleone: feets don't fail me now ZQF8: The Hulk JPoCorleone: UGH! ZQF8: T3 JPoCorleone: Mmmmmmm ZQF8: Ted Dibiase JPoCorleone: Preist ZQF8: Cheese Pizza JPoCorleone: sinfully good ZQF8: Tofurky JPoCorleone: a crime ZQF8: The G. Willikart JPoCorleone: heaven- IN REVERSE! ZQF8: The Death of Maude Flanders JPoCorleone: Ned's coming out party ZQF8: Ben Folds JPoCorleone: God ZQF8: Ben Folds Five JPoCorleone: I miss you ZQF8: (awww, me too) ZQF8: RC Pro-Am JPoCorleone: hours of my youth I'll never get back ZQF8: Quantum Leap JPoCorleone: Backu-la-riffic! ZQF8: The Iron Shiek JPoCorleone: Moustache ZQF8: Hitmonchan JPoCorleone: no match for Hitmonlee ZQF8: Veal JPoCorleone: crate ZQF8: King Hippo JpoCorleone: Underwear ZQF8: blond girls JPoCorleone: eh ZQF8: Montreal JPoCorleone: are we there yet? ZQF8: Paulie Walnuts JPoCorleone: he loves his momma ZQF8: the Fabulous Moola JPoCorleone: the gal of my dreams, if I was 53 years old ZQF8: General Zod JPoCorleone: poor bastard doesn't have a chance to be normal ZQF8: Taco Bell JPoCorleone: yummy for a place that willingly employs retards ZQF8: NewsRadio (tread lightly . . .) JPoCorleone: makes me miss Kids in the Hall, and Lionel Hutz ZQF8: (I said I wasn't gonna cry, I said I wasn't gonna cry . . .) ZQF8: Milhouse Van Houten JPoCorleone: Big Wheel ZQF8: ok, last one - you get to pick it and respond to it JPoCorleone: Hmmmmmm JPoCorleone: I pick Dennis Miller JPoCorleone: and my response? WHY??! WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY?!??!?!?!? YOU FUCKING PRICK! I BELIEVED IN YOU!!!! ZQF8: any last words for your new internet subjects? JPoCorleone: I hope that in the midst of the 7559 tangents that Zach goes on in an entry full of people you've never heard of, places you'll never go, and things that may or may not exist, you are able to recognize that I am now, and forever, your champion. Until someone else gets to pretend to beat me for a fake belt that means nothing. Thank you. ZQF8: wow ZQF8: if I wasn't already crying over the phil hartman reference from above, that would've brought a tear to my eye JPoCorleone: you say that to all the boys ZQF8: It's true ZQF8: Thank you Justin. Thank you for leading us . . . for doing . . . um, thank you for . . . for being our Champion! ZQF8: ok - all done ZQF8: THE END JPoCorleone: yeaaa ZQF8: now that we've conquered the interview we get to watch the credits roll by with all the funny sounding Japanese names! JPoCorleone: can you make like 7 best boys? ZQF8: sure ZQF8: I can do whatever I want ZQF8: but only one key Grip ZQF8: that's where I draw the line JPoCorleone: Best Boy, Better Boy, Bestest Boy JPoCorleone: understandable ZQF8: night night J-Po ZQF8: it's been real JPoCorleone: night ZQF8: (. . . Oooh - you meant OJ as in OJ Simpson! He doesn't make my face hot . . . well, maybe a little) It's been real, Warhol 0 comments so far� <-- Back to the Salt Mines! - Onward, to the Bee-Mobile! --> � 2002 - 2009 ZQF8� |