2002-09-17 - 9:51 p.m.

I think I was remiss in not talking more about my pain killers. So now I will. Well, I can only talk about the Vicodin since I haven't broken into the Perco/Roxicet yet. First off, for those of you who keep thinking I've gone all Matthew Perry on you, I have not. I am not a celebrity with a celebrity's income who can afford the constant supply of vicodin. That being said, if I had the money, oh sweet god would I keep a constant supply of vicodin going all the live long day. (Screw working on the railroad I say!) It takes a while to kick in. Well, it has to do with my size too - my guess is that Rachel would be on her ass in 5 minutes after some of the ol' vicodin. I usually don't notice it for about a half hour. And when I do, I notice it most in my hands, feet, and nose. My feet feel heavy. My nose feels fuzzy. And my hands feel useless. I don't know what it is about strong drugs that make my nose feel fuzzy and scratchy but they do. And there's the mixing up of the colors and number and names. And there's the making 3 beers knock you out thing. The obvious effect is that it makes the throbbing pain in my head go away. Which, you know, is nice. When I first started taking it (a full week ago now) I wanted it every hour. Now I can go almost a full day without one. I still have to take one before bed because my whole head feels like it is going to melt off by 10. I was supposed to call Dr. R's office to schedule my appointment Monday and I ran out of time (due to having a majorly busy day AND meeting Nanny, Linda, and Barbie at the mall - long story, don't ask) and today I crashed and didn't call either. Have to make sure I do that tomorrow. These pain killers don't just grow on trees.

Drillman says: "Vicodin creates fucked up dreams about Leavitt Park!"

----Real World Las Vegas is on, be back later----

-----------------One Hour Later-----------------

University Day was today. And all that goes along with it. They close down Main Street and cook up burgers (not Aloha Burgers - I wish!) and generally everybody eats for free and if they're anything like my old roommates and I used to be they steal as much soda as they can and shove it in their backpacks. Man, we used to LIVE for Campus Picnic Days! The rumor would hit as soon as someone saw the trucks arrive on Main Street and by 10 o'clock the whole fucking campus would know. Which, I guess was ok, since it really wasn't supposed to be a secret. I used to have to actually PICK who I wanted to go to these giant outdoor picnics with. Did I want to go with Chad and Tim? Would I randomly just run into Fred on campus and we would walk over there? Would I plan on meeting Coty there? Would Marshall and I drive on and stuff as many burgers in our pockets as possible? I don't have as many options nowadays. That's what happens when you go to college for 17 years like I have. I saw that it was University Day when I got out of French today. I was all excited over the prospect of free burgers! Who isn't?! As I waited in line for the burgers I became annoyed at the fact that I'd have to eat alone. Yeah, I know people on campus now that I didn't know then, but mostly all my relationships are that of "classmate" and "former classmate". I couldn't think of one single person on this campus that I'd feel comfortable sticking hamburger down my pants with. So I walked downtown, got a Moe's, and took the bus home. At least I had Belker and Erlich and McNeil to keep me company. I guess not *that* much has changed since Fred and I lived in Hitchcock.

Magnetman says: "That's a downer! Where's the fun?!"

Well, I just watched the first episode of Real World Las Vegas. Um . . . yeah. Let me just say, as someone who has seen every episode of all 11 seasons of Real World (as well as every Road Rules), plus repeated performances in marathons, reunions, specials, etc. I feel I can say without a doubt . . . these people are FUCKED UP. I mean . . . I don't even know what to say. They make Laconia seem mellow. They make Marshall seem undramatic. They make Fred seem listless and strange (waitaminute . . .) The cool part about this season is that, apart from the Boston Season, I recognize more in this one than any other season. Is that sad? I was only in Las Vegas for less than 24 hours. I see they showed the MGM Grand tonight . . . my old arch enemy. Ah yes, but I said we'd never speak of THAT again, didn't I? Okay - Steven? You work in a gay bar, but you're not gay, you're actually in the process of getting divorced ("I was supposed to get divorced last month" is the line he uses on the firt cast member, Trishelle, that he meets), and it looks from the previews that, despite your apparent glee in *touching* and *reading about* condoms, you don't particularly care for them in practice, as it seems an unprecedented RW baby might be on the way (Sean and Rachel's doesn't count for too many reasons to go into here). Trishelle. You are from Louisiana. Like my Keri was from. So I had hope for you. And then you opened your mouth. Oh Trishelle (and I am trying desperatley not to call you "Trashelle", something that I'm betting is already a cliche on message boards across the internet a mere 20 minutes after the world was introduced to your skanky cajun ass) Trishelle - you come off like a poor woman's Lindsay (RW Seattle). Trishelle, do you know what this means?! Lindsay worked for Ms. Cleo! Ms. Cleo! And YOU ARE LOWER THAN THAT! Trishelle, you are truly the Real World Slutatorian for 2002. But I don't feel to bad about you breaking Frank's heart. For several reasons. 1. - His name is Frank. 2. - Frank is clearly gay, although I'm not sure his agent/mother have bothered to inform him yet. Don't get me wrong Frank, it's not that the Pet Shop Boys/neon orange construction worker muscle shirt look isn't IN this year it's just that you put a hole the size of Bulgaria in the Ozone Layer whilst doing your hair not to mention that you like to say "Mad Cool" and I think the real reason you were sad is because when Steven said, "I'm surrounded by three pretty girls" you weren't included. But I hear he's a good bartender Frank, you should go visit him at work. (Although, I have to say I felt bad for our man Frank when Steven and Trishelle were making out ON TOP of him, and then the subsequent fight IN the Confessional. I haven't seen that much akward sexual tension since that time I was locked in the cooking room with Mrs. Schofield and Miss Liebson.) Arissa? You look like a raccoon. And you don't think Boston is a very big city. Oh, oh, and I forgot - you had to start working at the tender age of FOURTEEN. Oh I'm SO FUCKING SORRY. Look, I don't care if you were in the projects or not, employment at 14 does not Oliver Twist make you. Trust me, ask the Salfranks, they'll back me up. Alton, you lose major points for showing any attraction towards the walking rag of syphilis known as Brynn, but MTV actually cast a pensive violin playing black jock! Triple word score! But man, I can't imagine having to go around and constantly tell people it's pronounced "Al-ton" and not "All-ton." Stay away from Winnipesaukee my friend. Far away. Brynn? Oh my god do I hate you. Hate you so much. Like you make me miss New Orleans David and Chicago Kyle I hate you so much. Brynn? Anyone who TELLS people what a "party animal" and "seductress" they are can automatically NOT BE THOSE THINGS! Oh, and Brynn? You must have been thinking, how can I make Zach like me more? I know, I'll lighten my hair and wear and short and straight! Oh bravo Brynn! You actually succeeded in making yourself even more hideous to look at. I've gotten more excitement looking into the eyes of Chef Boyardee on my ravioli can than Brynn's "face-of-mismatched-rodent-parts. Irulan? You didn't piss me off too much. I wasn't fond of your Prince tattoo, but we all make mistakes. As long as that's your worst than I'll be fine with you. All in all, I haven't seen this many sluts in the span of one hour since I was stuck in that Franklin gas station.

Airman says: "Meow-ouch! That kitty's got claws!"

Have I mentioned how much I love The Oblongs on Adult Swim? Hell, I don't even know why I SHOULD mention it, I've already extolled the virtues of Adult Swim so much (specifically The Brak Show and Sealab 2021) that if you people STILL don't believe me there's no use in my continually spouting off about it. Even though I will. Seriously people, Cartoon Network, Sundays, 10 PM, Home Movies, The Oblongs, The Brak Show, Sealab 2021, Space Ghost: Coast to Coast. Do I really need to give you more reasons? And I don't want to hear it - I have to get up early in Monday mornings too.

Pharaohman says: "I prefer 7th Heaven and anything on PAX!"

I need to go to bed. I have 2 papers to write before 10 AM and even I, the Inch-High Private Eye don't see that happening without some MAJOR finagling of the highest order. And I am SO not in a very finagling mood. Oh hell, that's a lie, I'm always up for some finagling. Why do I do this to myself?? It's all these drugs, they're making me procrastinate . . . yeah, THAT'S IT, the drugs! Man, just THINK of all the procrastinating I could do on heroin! Those fucking kids are still screaming next store and it's 12:15. I hate them. I'm going to poison their Alpo. And no, they DON'T have a dog. The worst part is they won't even START to quiet down until around 2 AM. Grrrrr . . . those kids are seriously putting a cramp in my finaglin'!

Quickman says: "Pharaohman is *so* gay."

It's been real,

Dr. Wily

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