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Code Blue Nurse Lockhart - Code Blue

2002-09-10 - 9:54 p.m.

Code Motherfucking Blue. I think I'm dying. No, but seriously, I do. Think I'm dying that is. This "teeth, head, throat, ear, skull, brain" THING that has been going on since my birthday. How do I know that somehow this was Helen Hunt's present to me? I hate her. Have I ever mentioned that?

Ok. The last Road Rules episode? Gee-ross. Not this last Monday, but Labor Day Monday. It made my stomach turn. Although, with all the little funny pills that are swimming around down there it's no difficult task to make it turn. But seriously, I haven't seen that much puking and penises since the last Presher Family BBQ.

Hmmmm, I'm gonna seem a little repetitive here. Due to the fact that every time I pause for more than 3/5ths of a second I am reminded of the intensely painful pulsating STAR that is nestled on the inside of the left side of my head. I have been told many helpful things by many helpful people on what could be wrong with me (wisdom teeth, sinus infection, TUMOR), I've also been told less than helpful things (earwigs, spider eggs, ear worms, the Queen of the Earwigs, etc.) so it's finally time to get a PROFESSIONAL opinion I think (no offense to all you lovely ladies at the Irving Mainway!) So to the doctor's I go tomorrow. Which, if you're reading this on Wednesday, is actually today. Actually, probably this morning. ARGH - second-guessing future only exacerbating the star!

Aspirin can't even touch it anymore. It's built up immunity to it. I started taking Tums just to throw it of course. Beth suggested taking Pamprin, which I was all for until she told me what it was. I don't want a repeat of the "Patrick's Pub Midol Scare" all over again.

I'm going to be brief here. APPARENTLY, I got into a *little bit* more trouble than I thought at the meeting on Sunday. After Kate and Andrea and I "skidaddled" (to use the parlance of our times) the meeting [SINCE IT *WAS*, mercifully, OVER] everyone hung back and decided to talk about how uproariously misbehaved Kate and I were. Bitch, bitch, bitch, backbite, backbite, backbite. So, when I went in to work Monday night, groggy and wobbly (due to our friend the celestial body in my head), there was a brief hesitation and then *BOOM*, did I ever get the business. Did I ever get the business. BUT, the business (after I was done having gotten it) was then given back quite a bit. And so forth and so on. I'm under a gag order on the "'business' business", but I have an inkling that my time at the Kathie Lee Gifford of the Toy Industry may be coming to a close. Any choice regarding my future would be of my own free will, but I'm rather conflicted and need to make some serious decisions real soon. ["There, was that ok? Did I say too much?" - Z, "Hmmm? What's that? No, you're fine, we're still reading about Utah." - Z's Lawyers]

Oh my god. I think those arthritc bees have finally got the best of me. It hurts SO BAD. I'd just bag writing this entry and read or go to bed, but it hurts to READ or to GO TO BED. It hurts to do EVERYTHING. So I figure I might as well write one more piece of blather before tomorrow. You know which day I mean. I figure, I'l either be dead due to the brain star or I'll smother myself to avoid becoming an emotionally overdrawn husk after being bombarded by 9/11 coverage.

So if this is my last entry (which if Monique and Brad had their way - it would be) I would like to say a few things first:

-That was me that broke into the Middle School and ruined everything. I just had Tyson Nesbit take the fall.

-That was me that was devil-worshipping down at the Shore Drive Beach, I just blamed those freaks that used to live at Kim White's house.

-That was me who voted for Tom Tardif.

-That was me that told Larry Baldi that it would be a good idea to turn the Colonial into a pizza parlor with wide screen TV's.

-That was me that burned down the Army/Navy store on Canal Street.

-That was me that tore down the big apple tree at Leavitt Park.

-That was me that booted out Arby's for D'Angelos on Union Ave.

-I'm the one that decided Dunkin Donuts should be No Smoking and close at midnight (also on Union Ave)

-I'm the one that razed Steamburger Heaven.

-I'm the one that decided the Sachems should be changed to the Magicians (no, just kidding on that one - that's all Beth Arsenault's fault. Who, may I add, is running for State Senate, people. As much of a Democrat as I am, I have to say {on the limited knowledge and general conjecture and overall apathy for state level politics that I have} DON'T VOTE FOR THE SACHEM KILLER!!!!!)

-And finally, Marianne . . . I stole your necklace.

There's only one medical professional that can help me now. "Paging Nurse Lockhart. Nurse Abby Lockhart."

"It's ok baby, let Nurse Abby look at that naughty little pulsating star in your brain. She'll make it alllll better."

It's been real,

The Purple Pie Man

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2002 - 2009 ZQF8

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