2002-08-16 - 6:58 a.m.

Ugh. Too early. Too tired. And of course, too fucking hot. Actually, it hasn't hit the daily 90 + yet, so it's not too bad.

I just got out of the shower, Ben's in the shower, and then, when he gets out, we grab our shit (that he made us pack into the car last night) and we're off! And by "off", I mean to work. Ugh. Work. I had a nightmare about work and how I was yelling at everybody there. Ugh.

Michael told me yesterday that "anyone who has their own website is too narcissistic for words" and that "they just need everything to be all about them." Uh-huh, I nodded slowly. We had a record number of meltdowns and customer "accidents" at the store. Accidents = shitting ands pissing themselves. Mostly the kids. It's annoying. It made me more happy to be leaving for a while. A stupid fucking mother (G. Williker's target demographic) actually asked her diaper-filled toddler, "Do you want me to change your diaper or do you want to keep playing with the trains?" Obviously, he wanted to stay. So I bludgeoned her with the air freshner bottle.

Jimbo came last night to get the keys and learn the ropes of 1018. Ben insisted it was a waste of time to write out instructions to the TV, DVD, CD Burner, and PS2 and how they all connected - but seeing as *I* still have trouble with it, and most of our friends fiddle with them for hours until they start to cry, Jimbo and I both decided it was a good plan. Ben has instructed him to not, under any circumstances, feed the fish. Seriously. He has them on an automatic feeder. But Jimbo is so Brak, and Ben is so Thundercleese (Rich can be Zorak), and baby, those fish are gonna be hammed to death via 3-Ham Omelet by those charming hamologists by the time we get back. (B-Slopp would like that whole plan, but he won't even read about it until I'm back home)

Anyway - I tried to set up a *links* page to keep you all busy while I'm gone. I will still be trying to update if possible from the road, but for all I know, Tim's "internet connection" is a hamster on a bicycle. But anyway, the links section should be listed below, entitled "ZQF8's Wicked Awesome Links". Has a nice ring to it doesn't it?

I hope Jimbo is ready for Billie, Safety Whistle, the upstairs neighbors, Pixie, Dixie, and the whole gang at Irving.

And now, to conclude, with the only logical conclusion I could come to before hitting the road on this grand journey: "Where Mat Erwin used to sleep at the King house there is a boa constrictor who has no name. Every two weeks, they feed him a baby rat and the snake swallows it whole."

"They're going to need to be filling up their auto-gyro with lots of petroleum distilate and will need to make sure to revulcanize their tires each chance they get!"

It's been real,

Captain Caveman

ps - "ROOOAAAARR!"

pps - Yuck, you're a *very* crazy monster . . .

ppps - Kate, if you're reading this . . . then I must be dead, no, I mean, if you're reading this, I lost your address . . .yes, AGAIN. So I need it. E-mail it to me or call me with it (603-XXX-XXXX). [Edited 01/05, as having one's cell phone number online is always a fun feature] Unless you don't want a fun postcard. Then do none of those things

pppps - Ha Ha, Hannah & Becca - your IDOL Tom Chapin CAME INTO THE STORE yesterday and you both missed him!

ppppps - Ok, no, seriously, now I have to go . . .

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