2002-05-27 - 11:38 p.m.

So it's thundering and lightening out and it is making me cry in my souffle. Oh, if I only had a souffle to cry in . . . I wouldn't be crying at all. Super freaky - Realjukebox is on Shuffle Play and first it just played Uncle Albert/Admiral Halsey (with rain sounds in background) and then it played Riders On The Storm (with, well, Storm sounds) WHILE IT IS STORMING OUTSIDE AS I TYPE THIS!! (Realjukebox also has this freaktastic way of always setting up Radiohead to play whenever I am IM-ing with Hannah too - shudder) Why does Riders On The Storm continue to use its evil psychic Morrison powers to haunt me??? It still produces a 10 foot arc of fear pee in Frederick when I bring up what that song did to us one blood curdling night our Sophomore year . . .moving on (as far away from Fred's exploding bladder as we can get) . . .

Ah yes. I do believe I promised one slam bang photomagraph for tonight now didn't I?! Ok then. On Saturday morning, our ol' pal Benjamin R. Walden had the good fortune to not only graduate from the University of Newt Hugging, but had the extra special bonus of getting to march - and sit with - everyone's favorite neighborhood wall crawler: Spider-Man!! It's true, it's true! Not only that, but Benji: The Hunted also informed me that during the ceremony, Spider-Man leaned over to him and whispered, "You know young man, with great power comes great responsibility!" Oh Spider-Man, you are so wise. Even moreso now that you have graduated. So here it is folks, the *new* Great American Photo:

~ Portrait of a Spider (and a Walden) as a Young Man ~

So here's something that couldn't be classified as anything but the bees knees: You know how my court date (for that gnattisome OCL) is Wednesday morning the 29th at 8AM? Yeah, well here is the funny part. Brace yourself, because this is simply HI-larious. My court date was ACTUALLY Thursday May 23rd!!! Ah Ha Ha Ha! Oh how I laughed and guffawed and chortled (Yvette) myself. But it seems ol' Judgey McFinerson down at the ol' Durham Court House wasn't laughing. So I got a thing in the mail today stating that if I don't pay my fine of $90.00 by June 9th they will send someone to arrest me (namely Bull from Night Court) and I will lose my license (looks like the zing's on them for that one). Ok. So what seems to have happened here is this: I fucked the dates up. Total, honest accident. And in doing so - sure I got some hollow threats from Boss Tweed's men down at the courthouse - but I also got my fine cut from $150 down to $90 and an extension from May 23rd to June 9th. Man, if I can ride this out until August, then they're gonna end up owing *ME* money. Thank God I seemingly have Boss Tweed in MY pocket --------- It hurts when he bites.

So work sucked tonight like a it was Helen Hunt in an Emmy Voter's car. Yup, that bad. We had ONE paying customer. ONE ONE ONE ONE ONE. Well, maybe two. I can't remember as I was sniffing the glue in the arts and crafts section all night. Customers kept asking Megan, "Why does that kid over there keep crazily shouting 'Send me home Category 11! Category 11 send me home to that big Pot Handle Loom in the Sky!"?. Sigh. We did try to watch the Celts game on iMac refresh like Jason and I did the last game, but this time the results weren't quite as pleasant. Red Wings lost tonight though, and Sox were winning last I looked, so that is good. Megan made me "work it" for the last few shots in her camera tonight. I just hope that pictures of me in a pink sequined cowboy hat and matching boa and another shot of me jamming Swedish Fish up my nose don't hit the internet soon. My Aunt Linda would be scandalized (but I'm sure she'd have seen it coming from her boozey nephew).

The Lesbians at the Carts (sort of like the Gorillas in the Mist, but with more hair) at the mall tonight were all fiesty and jumpy. It was either the residual effects of Xena being cancelled, or they could sense the approaching storm that was brewing in the sky and their senses were going off the charts. Either way (my money's on the storm) they were yipping around and sniffing everything in sight. And Flatty McNotReallyABoyerson's girlfriend, Blondie, loudly swept back into town and Fat Tuesday and Jim's Sister were all staring at the whole affair with their gaping maws open so wide that even Charlie the Tuna would have been disgraced. And poor Oldey McGonnaDieSoon was forced to witness the whole sordid sight from her perch upon Mt. ToyKeeper. Very strange. Very very strange indeed. [I think the fact that both Michael AND Jenn worked all day today probably made their calibrations all wonky]

I was on my way to take a shower in the bathroom today when I was on my way out of my room and I guess I didn't negotiate the door very well and rammed my knee into the door frame. I yelped in pain and went crashing down. I was carrying nail clippers at the time and nearly impaled myself through the chest. About 10 minutes later, as I lay there in a mixture of my own blood and salty tears, Ben yells out from the kitchen, "You didn't break the door frame did you? You better not have!" I just sat there and squinted my eyes towards him in a cartoonishly evil manner. But he was around the corner so he didn't even see it. "It" being the look I gave him. That only made me more mad.

Man, it is thundering and lightenenenening out BAD now. I hope I don't get sucked into the computer all TRON like. Or do I . . .

And now, for all you Sea Cows out there, whether you be on Weight Watchers or not, I'm going to take this opportunity to showcase one of your Mantaee-brethren that has a little problem with the "sticky fingers". Ladies, Gentleman, and Ricki Lake, I present:

Well, I gots the day off tomorrow, and the grapevine tells me that Brooke "I'll have the lobsters stuffed with tacos please" Culkin may be moseyin' on down to these parts. But it may just be a rumor . . .

It's been real,

Satchel

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