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Cheap Joke About Jason Giambi

2002-05-26 - 11:19 p.m.

What's this? I SWORE I wasn't going to write tonight because I didn't have that prize-winning picture of Graduate Ben w/ Kung-Fu Grip from yesterday to post in time for tonight. Oh well. I got a little Memorial Day Weekend stir crazy I guess. But don't worry. The (new) Great American Photo (knocking Z. Foote's "P. Farmer as Shiva" off the top spot) will debut tomorrow or Tuesday. Trust me. It is wellllll worth the wait.

So the great Rich Presher has left the building. And he took Amy and the infamous ghost of caller I.D.'s everywhere - Allison Whipple, with him. His ol' beat-up red pick-up truck merely a ghost in the concrete jungle that is the New Meadows parking lots. Ah well. The Ice Cream Truck seems to play its calliope music in a minor chord now. . .

We had a slam bang Walden-a-Thon here yesterday. And I was getting barked at every chance a certain person's parents got. "Zach, get me a beer!", "Zach, look this up for me online!", "Zach, regrout the bathtub!". Ok, people, I don't even get beers for my own parents anymore (a job I dutifully did, as well as crushing the ice for my mothers drinks, from 9 yrs. old to 17), and I don't even know what "regrout" means, so I'm sure as hell not gonna do it for you. But Ben's grandparents (the ubiquitous "Nana & Bump") were in full force. They brought their own lawn chairs. Which made me happy as we were short lawn chairs. And they have those chairs that all of our grandparents have, the same ones they bought at Zayre's in the early 80's, and have big wide rubber strips of mesh in funtastic hues of brown, orange, and tan. And Bump was in charge of the grill for the day too. Tim's mom and Tim came as well, and Bill was here from the night before. Pete Richmond and his wife Tamara (mother of Olga) came. And despite Pete looking like a mountain man more than usual and rubbing my stomach for good luck, it was good to see him too. Rich and Jim Presher even stopped by for a burger before their teary farewell. As usual, Tim Curtis grinded a social event to a halt with a pulse-pounding pronouncement. This time it was his annoucement of his intentions to move to California (along with the rest of the Party Posse) in August. San Francisco no less. So that, as they say in the spelunking biz, is that.

Ben is keeping his onions on top of all the candy in the candy bowl we keep above the fridge. Now all the tootise rolls taste like onions. That is so gross I can't even come up with a clever hyperbole to describe it.

I have to to try to find a way to go to K-Slop's graduation, despite not being able to get work off and despite it being a 7 hour affair like his brother and sister's similar Laconia Christian "Unlike the Public Schools, WE don't pass out guns and knives at OUR commencement!" Commencement. Ugh. But, it's not his fault that his "school" makes most Mormon and Jehovah enclave's look tolerant and fun. Double Ugh. Oh please, like I care. What? Is Laconia Christian gonna send its goons after me? All I have to do to scare them away is dye my hair green. Stupid Laconia Christian. Sorry all you slops out there that might be offended by my ill feelings towards the big LC, but any school that isn't ACTUALLY IN Laconia, and likes to cast its uninformed judgements towards LHS, yet still names its school LACONIA Christian?? Puh-leeze. Especially when "Reactionary & Intolerant Christian" has a much jazzier ring to it. Fuck it. Jesus isn't mad at me about saying these things either. He told me that yes, while He loves everyone, He *does* get a lot of complaints about Laconia Christian. And that just pisses Him off, since in this day and age, the last thing He wants to do with his days is signing complaint forms in triplicate about Laconia Christian. Besides, He also told me that even HE thought it was laughable when Alexi "transferred" there "for basketball". Plus, the worst part about it all is Gil Schwartzman will rip my arms off and beat me with them if I go to K-Slop's graduation when I didn't go to any of his 6 graduations. It certainly doesn't help that the graduation is the WEEKEND before Bike Weekend, which I have already requested off. Anyway. . .enough talk of this subject which is, coupled with the Sox losing to the Yankees as I write this, only serving to irritate me further.

Can you believe it? My court date is Wednesday! My how time flies when you don't have $150 with which to pay a $150 fine! Hmmmmm, hey Gil, do you think that the Lakes Region Scholarship Foundation would help pay for my fine? Man, I am just all for starting trouble tonight aren't I?

I'm wearing this new shirt that I can't decide if I like or not. I think I like it. It is a white long sleeve shirt. It has these cool racing type red stripes that go from the shoulders down the side to the end of the sleeve. It makes it look like I am either in a futuristic racing costume or that I am bleeding in a perfect arc from wrist to wrist. Either way - pretty damn cool.

Stupid fucking Kings. I hate the Lakers. And I hate Shaq and his 20 gallons of sweat. And I hate No Talent Rick "Sometimes the sun goes 'round the moon, sometimes the snow comes down in June" Fox. And I hate Kobe. And I hate purple & gold. I hate them. DAMN YOU KINGS!!! YOU MADE ME CLAP FOR YOU! CLAP. FOR. YOU. Argh.

Ok, please, someone. Do me a favor. If you know how to achieve bonuses on computer solataire (other than not going through the deck more than once) please share this info with me. It is something that has haunted me my whole life. Also, I have this freak ass thing where I CAN NOT play the game unless the deck of cards is that black castle with flying bats on a blue background. I just go "Error - Does Not Compute" if it is the gay-ass fishes, or the robot, or the rainbow swirl shell. But nothing makes my spleen spark like when it is on that eye-melting yellow background with the man's arm in the striped sleeves holding a hand of cards. God I hate that. I bet Laconia Christian *loves* that choice. Argh.

I was going to go on and on about last night's Celtics game. Blah blah biggest 4th-quarter come-back in NBA history blah blah Jason and I watching it through refreshing the work computer over and over blah blah Marianne, Tim, and Ben calling to update us to all the madness blah blah but now this Yank-mes/Sox game is depressing me so much I don't want to talk about it. God I hate the Yankees. And I hate Derek Jeter (and I still wish he would be eaten by giant spiders), and I now learning to hate Giambi more and more each passing day.

"My goatee isn't the *only* thing Steinbrenner made me shave - wink, wink!"

Ok, that was cheap and gross. But it makes me laugh so that is all that matters. What also matters is that I sure am friggin' glad I went to Camp Sentinel and not Camp Fatima. Pretty weird to see Camp Fatima on the FRONT PAGE on for Catholic priests abusing campers. Ugh. I only fear this may tarnish Gilmanton's pristine reputation. It doesn't seem that long ago that we were trying to convince Monique that Camp Fatima was a fat camp that was just cruelly named in a bid to humiliate the kids into losing weight faster. Oh well . . .

And this was going to be a short and sweet entry (like Billy Barty), not a long and vitriolic one (like . . .well, me). Anyway . . .

It's been real,


ps - I saw Star Wars today. I liked the scary cat thing and the scary mantis thing in the arena thing. That part was cool.

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2002 - 2009 ZQF8

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