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Ninja-Style Revenge!

2002-04-22 - 11:52 p.m.

So it's come to this - a Monday night clip show.

Yes well, after all the doom and gloom and Yahtzeeing of the last entry I thought I would just coast a bit tonight. Besides, it beats doing my homework. . .

So I got a little mixed-up and thought TODAY was Peter's birthday. But it's not. It's on Saturday. But I could have sworn SOMEONE I know has a birthday on the 22nd of April. Hmmmmm, there's only 6 minutes left for today, so I guess it's too late anyhow. I had a great picture to put up in honor of Pedro the Magic Farmer's birthday, but that'll have to wait until Saturday now. Trust me, it's worth it. Although the people in the actual picture may not feel that way. . .

So Chad's wedding is like minutes away, and I am going to have even less cash to partake in festivities that weekend than I already planned on due to a certain fine for a certain open container. I wish I had at least been drinking cow's blood laced with angel dust, now THAT would have been worth it. $120 is a little steep for a Bud Light. But as a Laconia boy at heart (as well as a Foote) they must have surmised that it was a step up for me in the first place.

So I am FINALLY done my Chinatown presentation. I know, I can't believe it either. Of course, you KNOW it didn't go off without a few hitches. Our head professor was "out of town" today which kind of, um, sucked ass. So the Associate Prof graded us, which is fine, since she graded my last paper "A" and seems to have the hots for me. Which is funny for 2 reasons. 1.) Because I absolutely do not think she has the hots for me and 2.) It affords me to say the phrase "hots for me" three times. One of the girls in our group didn't show up, which, you know, also sucks ass. So I guess she just gets drawn and quartered on Wednesday. As they say: "When in Durham. . ." I also thought I was going on too long so I cut the entire section where I was going to talk about reflective camera shots. So of course that's the part she asks us about, but with a quick cover I saved our collective asses. Here's the thing. People, I don't talk during YOUR presentations. So don't fucking talk during mine. I don't care if you can usually get away with it when the Professor is teaching, but you ain't gettin' away with it when I'm up there. Oh, and whispering and covering your face with your notebook isn't obvious AT ALL. And if you catch me staring at you and then you start staring back at me like "What the fuck are you staring at me for?", Just Remember: One of my group members has no arms now, and all SHE DID was say "Jack" instead of "Jake". And to top it all off I almost missed the damn presentation myself. I set my alarm for 6 and slept through the damn thing until 7:15!!!! I couldn't shower, get dressed, and make a healthy breakfast (Ouellette style BAY-BEE!) all in 4 minutes. So Ben dropped me off on campus on the way to work.

"Holly melted the ice with her evil witchy hands" - Coral, in reference to the pestilence that is Holly on Real World/Road Rules Challenge. On a related note, I am CONVINCED I saw Katherine from the Road Rules: Maximum Velocity Tour on the T in Boston on Friday night after the McCartney Concert (you know, the girl that isn't Evil Witchy Holly, isn't Mmmmmmsada, but IS the one that had sex with Laterrian in the bathroom). I tried to explain to my mother who I thought she was but my mother kept getting all confused. She was like "Wait, wait, I thought SHE did the nasty with L.T. in the bathroom?" And I'm all like "MOM, L.T. and Laterrian are the SAME PERSON!" And she's all like "Oh yeah, like The Miz and Mike right?" And I'm all like "Yeah, but the Miz sucks ass, ok." And she's all like "Yeah, Mike looks like someone took D-Rock and Rich and smooshed them together!" And I'm all like "Ma, props, that was the Ultimate Zing!". And if you believe any of that transpired you are higher than a Belmont Whore. (Except I really did think I saw Katherine)

So if I know LA, and I think I do, my little visit to the Big House will be buzzing in my parents ears in no time. And knowing The Citizen ("I wouldn't wrap day-old fish in that rag they call The Citizen" -R. Morten) it will be the fourth lead story right under "Gilford Boys Win Soccer Title!", "Fire in Barnstead!" and "You guessed it! Those pesky Ninjas are back on Governor's Island and they're looking for some Ninja-Style Revenge!" (A famous Laconian was once quoted as saying: "You provide me the pictures, I'll provide you the Ninjas.") I "fondly" look back at the time my compatriots and I were banned from Sunday River for a year and BY THE TIME WE GOT BACK TO SCHOOL people were asking me if it was true that we "robbed a convenience store of *all* their beer and tried to get away but got caught"? After a while I just started telling people that story was the truth, since it had a much better sense of danger associated with it that Cheese, Rasberry Sauce, Melted Butter, and Stolen Signs just couldn't hope to achieve. Yes, but back to my problissimo before I was so rudely interrupted by my own flight of fancy: I gots to tell my parents before they find out on their own. And knowing how many damn cops my mother knows in this state I wouldn't be shocked to find out if she has a copy of my mug shot on her right now. I already know what my father will say when I tell him. Either Option #1 - long pause, hands clasped behind back, looking out window to a past he can't quite remember and a future he can't quite see and says "Zach. I'm not mad. I'm just disappointed." That was a popular one in high school but my guess is, with his new devil-may-care attitude he will go for his new standby of Option #2 - clicks teeth in a borderline menacing manner, takes his reading glasses off (which he was using to read his two-day old Globe) and calmly, if not zingingly say "Well, that's what you get, isn't it?". Smart money on #2. Not to bore those of you still with me, but if I may take this opportunity to share what my father's most oft-heard quote in the Foote house was: (Zach has just said something rude, sarcastic, spiteful, ungrateful, etc.) Dad: "You know, one of these days you're gonna mouth off to the wrong person and they're just gonna haul off and whack you." Les Foote in "Fatherhood!: A Musical" Thank you Ladies and Gentleman, he'll be here all week!

Well, I suppose I ought to go to bed. I can't believe it was fucking snowing today. 90 degrees to snowing, with an earthquake thrown in for flavor. Sigh.

Don't forget, keep it real, East Siiiiide! You tell 'em Stormy. . .

It's been real,

Tiger-bot Hesh

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2002 - 2009 ZQF8

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